It All Comes Out In The Wash

funnybunny nation brainrot

Part 1 if you missed it

Summary + TWs can be found on the masterlist

read here -> AO3 link

read here -> Wattpad link

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Chapter 3

'Jax, I'm tired, let me go to bed.'

'I just wanted to check on you.'

'Jax, we talked about this. No more mushy talks, it makes things worse.'

'I know, but you're acting different lately.'

'I'd be better if you just stopped worrying.'

'Yeah, okay...'

'Look, I'm just tired. That's all. You don't need to worry. Can I sleep now?'

'See you tomorrow?'

'See you tomorrow.'

Her [BLEEP]ing eyes look like his.

Her expressions, her mannerisms, her everything. Even that infectious laugh he had, she has that, too. Is that why Jax let his guard down so much? Pomni had been so fun to be around during the suggestion box fiasco; it pulled at Jax.

It lulled him in, enough to make him forget that he was supposed to keep her at arm's length. And when she hugged him, all those repressed memories broke like a dam, flooding his brain.

"What would you do if I abstracted tomorrow?"

"Forget about you."

That was such an awful lie. He could never forget. Every time he'd leave his room, his eyes would connect with that obnoxiously bright green he had come to love. The face on Ribbit's door smiled-- but it was so devoid of the life that Ribbit actually had at one point.

His expressions were so animated. His eyes gave away more than he had ever let anyone know-- and they looked so sapped of life, the same gaze Jax caught himself with. That gaze when you push everything down, no matter how painful that process is.

Ribbit tried to teach him how to do that, and it worked for a long time, but when Pomni came, Jax realized it was an illusion. Every bad memory with Ragatha, Ribbit, and everyone from that time came rushing back up.

All from one hug.

His illusion was shattered over a god [BLEEP] hug.

All he can do now is toss and turn in his bed, the flashing images of her face playing over and over again, a reminder of how badly he messed up. The self-sabotage was catastrophic, and he could feel the repercussions. 

He couldn't shake away the image of her shaking body playing over and over again, clawing at the front of his mind. And part of him wished she fought back more than she did. He deserved to be punched, clawed at, bitten, anything, and yet she didn't.

What she did instead sent a shockwave through his brain, not quite a hard reboot, but a world-shattering realization.

"Jeez, you really can't take a joke, can you?"

That look in her eyes when she turned to him. Flashes of Ribbit played in his mind.

'I'm just tired, that's all.'

'That's all.'

Jax shook like a leaf, and he was sure that if Ribbit saw him now, he'd laugh and tell him to man up.

'Jax, if you put too much stock into others' emotions, you'll only drown yourself. I learned the hard way.'

If what Jax felt right now wasn't drowning, then what was it? What was it he felt when she shot herself?

'Jax,'

'If you don't care about me-- about any of us, then why does this bother you so much?'

'Pomni, wait!'

Maybe the mask had to slip a bit? He did scream and smash the items around him, but that was just to get the built-up anger out, right? He had to do that once in a while if he wanted to keep this up, but then why did he still feel so much guilt?

There was some guilt in taking it out on the others, but he could just brush that off and walk away. With Pomni though, nothing he did helped him feel better. He even doubled down. He had prayed she would stay away, so that he at least had time to put that mask back on.

But when she approached him after Caine crowned him the winner, god, he dug his hole deeper, and now the guilt was immeasurable and was swallowing him whole. That look she made, that god awful look when he yelled at her.

It just reminded him of the sad, tired eyes that Ribbit had.

'See you tomorrow.'

Jax jumped up from his bed, yelling as he swung at the mirror that hung next to his bed. God, he'd destroyed that thing so many times, and yet each day it reappeared brand new. It had to have been a punishment of some kind.

Anytime he'd looked in it, he saw the weak little rabbit he had been since he entered this [BLEEP] hole. There was no escape from the truth that Jax was a fraud. Pomni saw it today, the last person who didn't know him before Ribbit, the only one he had a chance to fool.

"Jeez, keep it down!" Zooble calls out from the other side of the hall.

Jax turned his head quickly at the dark door. He never had the lights on in this place, so it always looked like a dark, inescapable void where the colors swim together, unable to make out objects in the deep haze.

Jax forces that same factory default smile on his lips as he cracks his door. "Did I wake you, Zoobie?" Zooble rolls their single eye peaking from their door. "Can you plan your shenanigans at a more reasonable hour?"

"Why, are you worried I might interrupt your little date with Gangle?" He heard a gasp from beyond Zoobles' door, Gangle's. He lets out a cackle, "Wrap it up, Zoob, don't wanna see mini you's anytime soon."

He slammed his door shut as a detachable part came flying at his head.

'Hey Jax, didya' ever look at the stars growing up?' Ribbit asks, smiling against the grass at the digital lake. Jax lets out a small puff of laughter. 'That's a silly question, who hasn't?' Ribbit shrugs, not taking his eyes off the twinkling stars.

'I dunno, guess I just wanted to know more about you.'

"I really did want to know more about you." Jax whipped his head to the darkest corner of his room, his heart pounding in his chest. "Ribbit?" he flicked his light on for the first time in a long time, showing the horrible state of the room.

Pillows and blankets were strewn all over, broken glass was over around his bed, and any decoration was thrown off the wall or lying where it shouldn't be.

Oh god, he swore he just heard his voice.

Jax just... laughed. He laughed so hard, he could barely breathe. The tiny walls of the circus were getting tinier, and Jax wasn't sure he could do this any longer.

"What did I do to deserve this?" He crumpled to his knees, laughter turning to tears, then silent sobs. Rolling on his side, he cradled himself like a baby, riding the waves of his panic attack alone.

That was right, he thought, he was truly alone.

Not sure how long he had been lying there, his crying had tired him out to the point that he fell asleep. Jax didn't dream often, but when he did, they were violent.

He was back, standing in the spot where he had killed Zooble earlier that day. His vision blurred inch by inch, barely able to make out Pomni in front of him, a shaking blob of red and blue.

"Why?"

Her voice is so small and weak, almost inaudible.

Jax tries to open his mouth to speak, but nothing more than a small croak comes out.

"Why do you hate me?"

She turns her body to look at him, the blurry haze dissipating, to reveal the horror she had become.

Her arm was a jagged black mess, traveling up to meet her neck. From her neck up, half her face matched the arm, a big multicolored eye of yellows, magentas, and cyans staring at him. He tried to yell her name, but only muffled cries fell out of his lips.

Her other half of the face, the uncorrupted side, was full of anguish, tears staining her cheeks. 

"What would you really do if I abstracted tomorrow?"

It was like a switch flipped, her tears stopping, and her body stilling. It was like an animation that just finished playing out; even her jagged arm was paused. It was uncanny, even for this place.

"Do you think he should find out?"

Like a buzzing in the back of his head, Jax could hear the echoing laughs of Ribbit around him, "He should!" His voice was so loud, and all Jax could do was make a futile attempt to cover his ears.

Pomni smiled wickedly, fueled by the laughs. Moving again, her body morphed into what was the giant conglomeration of black mass that was abstraction. Just as she reached for Jax, he snapped out of it and woke, shooting up off the floor.

Jax felt a sickening feeling in his gut; go check on Pomni!

Jax swung his door open and stumbled out into the bright hall, ready to bang on Pomni's door when he saw it. It was hard to miss; it was the first thing his eyes always shot to when he opened his door for the day.

Ribbit's door.

Yeah, so, this is how I cope with episode 6 </3