for those out there who feel like their dissociation 'isn't enough' and feel like they're faking because of it, hey. maybe it's because you lived your entire life with this experience and got too used to it. but here's the thing, dissociation isn't just 'suddenly blacking out and having no memory of the entire past day' no matter how much its painted as that. not all dissociation is sharp and obvious.
forgetting passwords, forgetting names and people, forgetting your dreams, having too vivid dreams, insomnia, brain fog, face blindness, remembering your days like a blur, struggling to remember your schedule, school/work day gone too fast, forgetting to eat, forgetting to drink, derealization, depersonalization can all be caused by dissociation. i know its hard to accept but it is, just because you don't black out doesn't mean you don't dissociate; if you sit on your computer stopping for a second doubting your password or if you wake up feeling like that was a trainwreck of a dream then suddenly it stops being visible is caused by dissociation. if you're awake, looking around but having the feeling that something with the existence of the surroundings is wrong is also dissociation. if you suddenly remember that you forgot to eat that day, that you forgot to drink that day, the time is 3 am and even though you never blacked out and you were always there, is still dissociation.
if you grew too used to constantly living these little things, then you are probably ignoring your symptoms. so please stop the doubting. you're not fake, your dissociation is real, your amnesia is real and you are not lying. please remember this. you are a system, and it's okay to dissociate. it's not your fault.
it happens to me often.
