the wine dark kiss of the angel of death

one of those books that sticks with you for the rest of your life.

Rating: 4.8/5

*spoiler warning, duh. and tw: discussions of mental illness, suicide, death.*

Before I started reading this book, I had all of booktok in the back of my mind telling me I was not ready-explaining how traumatizing it was, how it was "torture p*rn" (i’ll get into that later)-so when I finally picked it up, I expected the worst of the worst. But, what I got was simply a story about life. And I cried, oh god I SOBBED.

Some things I liked:

Jude, Malcolm, JB, Willem, and Harold were each such astounding characters and Hanya did an excellent job getting me attached to every single one of them.

The way that Hanya portrayed trauma was incredibly realistic and it made me understand that there are people out there who live their lives in similar ways as Jude St. Francis, and it teaches me that I should be kind to everyone (as cheesy as it is). She also did a great job portraying disability and how tasking it is on the human brain and body.

Hector. That's it.

There are some beautiful life lessons in this book: that relationships aren't perfect as you get older, that forgiveness can be taken away, that "life compensates for its losses", and so on.

I also absolutely loved the way JB's art was used to build the story so early on in the book. It already gives the reader a sense that something is terribly wrong but it's only seen through colors and the reactions of the characters when seeing his art.

The writing in general for this entire book was masterful, and the way Hanya weaves Jude's story in the book is a talent. This is also one of the best cases of unreliable narration I've seen in a while because it is used to build the characters, not trap the reader. I have a feeling I will be re-reading this book for the rest of my life.

Some things I didn't like:

Andy was a shit doctor! He didn't do his fucking job correctly and although yes, he did take care of Jude to some extent, he also turned a blind eye when Jude was actively trying to hurt himself. He never reported anything until Jude nearly killed himself and used empty threats. I understand the moral dilemma he was facing but any sane person would report their patient, regardless of how they felt. It was just yucky.

I also was not a fan of how JB's drug abuse was portrayed and it seemed like it was only there to give Jude more trauma (which I guess can be said about most of the characters). There was also a lack of character development in the four boys. Most of the time, the characters jump back into their old unhealthy habits even though they are self aware (which doesn't make it better). Becoming older is not the same thing as recognizing your flaws.

When Malcolm and Willem passed away, Jude's perspective was negligent. He only grieved the loss of Willem the whole time even though he had also lost Malcolm, who had done a lot for him as well (and we get a glimpse of this when Jude visits the Irvines', making me even angrier). And while I won't blame him for this because his relationship with Willem is very different than his relationship with Malcolm, I still would have loved Malcolm and I wanted to see him more in life and in death.

Anyway, this was a beautiful book and one that I will hold onto for the rest of my life. It's also important to note that this is most definitely not a queer book! But, it is a beautiful story about friendship and the scars that pull on our pasts. I admire its complexity and flaws. Also, to comment on the idea that went around on how this book was "torture p*rn" as I stated above: this is completely and utterly incorrect. What happened to Jude is shocking, yes, but it is real. That is what frightens people, the reality of Jude's trauma. So don't be scared to read this book because there is someone out there who is living a similar little life.

“...things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases, you realize that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully.”