Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey

Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine

SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.

“I guess at some point while she’s showering, she rubs a rock on her body,” said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was “the only possible conclusion” about the light-gray rock in his girlfriend’s bathroom. “I mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But it’s usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think it’s probably something she actually uses while under the water.”

“I really don’t know how it all works,” Ferris added. “All I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, there’s a rock involved.”

Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.

In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when he’s in Milstein’s shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriend’s bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average person’s considering she has added a rock into the mix.

Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.

“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”

“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.”

Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.

“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. “Like every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.”

While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.

“I wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when she’s over here,” said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their “shower rocks.” “Or I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.”

“I’m probably not going to do that,” Ferris added.

1. She likes art. Her room’s filled with drawings, she draws herself (as seen in The Wedding Of River Song), she squeals like a fangirl on meeting Vincent van Gogh and when the Doctor sees her that one last time in Time of the Doctor, he sees her drawings as well.

2. At school, she was in the most trouble of anyone apart from boys, and so decided she counted as a boy. (Let’s Kill Hitler)

3. She played hockey in Year 10 (The Girl Who Waited). She hit a girl called Kate Hayler in the shins.

4. She is very good at noticing little details (she even gets the zooming-into-the-eye Sherlock-style camera move in The Beast Below and Let’s Kill Hitler! She also exhibits these talents in The Time of Angels and The Big Bang.)

5. She starts off her story as a very immature person, almost still mentally the nine-year-old girl the Doctor first met. She gets bored, she whines, she speaks to children like she too is a child. (Maybe this is a result of the Doctor leaving her like he did, but I think it’s also the result of some deep-seated abandonment issues which she would have had to deal with at some point in her life whether she’d met the Doctor or not. Which leads us to:)

6. She is very obviously afraid of abandonment. “I’ll be right back,” the Doctor says in The Eleventh Hour, and she responds with “People always say that.” Referring to her parents? Referring to the aunt who left her alone at night for several hours? Probably both. (This is, what, twenty minutes after meeting her? And we already know something massive.) I went into this in Epic Detail once, basically it’s one of my favourite things about Amy.

7. Her favourite subject in school was History (The Pandorica Opens)

8. She’s not a very jealous person (see here)

9. Her parents are Tabetha and Augustus Pond. Tabetha used to carve smiley faces into apples to get Amy to eat them.

10. She’s generally a pretty abrasive person, and uses insults as terms of affection

11. She’s very good looking and she knows it. She’s very comfortable in her body and was so good at being a model that she got her own billboard and little girls asking for her autograph in shops.

12. Actually, she’s a very confident person in general. She happily declares that she’s easily worth two men. (She’s right.)

13. She tells people to shut up, a lot. Everyone from Jeff to the Dream Lord to her own dad. (Abrasive, remember?)

14. She’s pretty reckless and disobeys orders a lot (she sneaks into the Vampire school, she walks into Prisoner Zero’s room despite being told not to, she opens her eyes to see the crack in time even though it could kill her…)

15. She’s a very self-centered person (although not necessarily selfish.) She saves the day in The Beast Below and Victory of the Daleks purely by realising how the current crisis relates to her.

16. She likes to wear miniskirts. (Well, that one’s obvious, but Karen Gillan’s mentioned more than once that she wanted Amy to wear miniskirts.) Actually, let’s face it, she likes fashion. Rose was happy to wear simple jeans-and-t-shirt combos, Martha dressed professionally and had particular outfits she kept coming back to, but Amy usually dresses in layers with accessories and nail varnish and particular colour combinations. (And impeccable hair) Probably why she ended up working in the fashion industry. Because…she likes fashion. She likes looking good.

17. She fangirls hard for historical figures and settings (see: Victory of the Daleks, Vincent and the Doctor, The Pandorica Opens, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship). In comparison, she’s not really that impressed by the space museum the Doctor takes her to in Time of Angels. But, as we know, History was her favourite subject…

18. She’s proud of being Scottish (see: The Beast Below, Victory of the Daleks)

19. She is, I think, the only recent Who companion who we honestly can infer believes in something higher than herself- when we meet her, she’s praying. Sure, she’s praying to Santa, and she’s nine, but she believes there’s something up there, something that provides for her and can help her. Later on, in Amy’s Choice, when deciding to risk her life for the chance to bring Rory back, she tells the Doctor “Either way, it’s my only chance to see [Rory] again.” Not only does she believe in an afterlife, then, but she believes it’s a place where you’re reunited with your loved ones. It’s a tiny detail about her but one I love. (Also, it’s kind of interesting how all that stuff…that faith that there was someone up there watching over you…got transferred to the Doctor in Amy’s later life.)

20. She’s a writer (travel magazines first, then children’s books.) Even before she became a writer, she’s associated with stories and fairytales. Remember “I found you in words”? She’s a storyteller. And she grows up to be a really good one.

21. She’s comfortable with guns (see: just about any episode where there are guns) and comfortable with violence, too. On encountering the Doctor as an adult, the first thing she does is knock him out. Then she traps his tie in a car door. Later on she kills a vampire, yells at Rory to hit an old woman with a stick, threatens the Silurians with a ray gun, and so on. And of course:

22. She kills a woman for stealing her child- kills her in cold blood while she’s begging. Interestingly, after this she seems a lot less comfortable with guns and killing. She tries to get the Doctor to spare Kahler-Jex, and I can’t imagine it wasn’t herself she was thinking of when she gave that “When did killing someone become an option?” speech.

23. Boys chased her a lot at school (The Girl Who Waited)

24. She puts on a brave face to hide when she’s scared. This is something we know right from the beginning- “She left you all alone? / I’m not scared.” In Cold Blood, she screams frantically for Rory as the Silurians are about to shoot, but as soon as the danger’s passed she makes a joke about “keeping you on your toes”. While going through her divorce, something we know caused her terrible pain, she just smirks and tells her PA “I don’t have a husband”.

25. Ah yes, she was apparently high-up enough in her profession to have a PA (and to get to name/be the face of a perfume).

26. This one is reaching, but: she doesn’t seem to have a good relationship with her aunt. Aunt Sharon left her alone for a long time at night (even the Doctor is surprised by this) and Amy’s lack of reaction implies she’d done it before. Plus Sharon’s facepalm at the wedding when Amy starts talking about the Doctor speaks volumes if you ask me.

27. Actually, Amy’s mother seems much the same. When Amy stands up at the wedding, her mother moans in exasperation, “Oh no, not this again!” and “The psycharists we sent her to!” No worry about her daughter possibly having a mental breakdown during her own wedding. The only one who seems actually concerned is Rory!

28. She has a friend called Laura and was maid of honour at her wedding.

29. She once announced that her new headteacher wasn’t real because she looked like a cartoon. (This is hard to hear, but it’s part of Augustus’s father-of-the-bride speech.) Well, we knew she was an imaginative child.