SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH DEMONIC ROYALTY
In what can only be described as a DM I never thought I'd get , I'm actually sitting across from the subject of everyone's chatter as of late . . . Queen of Hell . . . Illyana Rasputina .
She chuckles , taking a swig from the bottle of vodka I bought ( one of the conditions to get this " hang out " ) , I rule over Limbo . . . Hell ? Much too general , that's Satan's job . . . FAR too much glitz and glamor for my liking ; People see demon and go . . . ' Oh , this Satan's work . ' but no . . . Satan is like President , sits on ass and takes all credit .
She takes another swig from the bottle . . . now she's offering me a swig . . . what Jameson don't know won't hurt him , Limbo is but one plane of Hell . . . though it is one closest to mortal realm , so extra precautions are to be taken , Да ? That is why I have Sword .
The sword is rather kickass , reminds me of Honedge . . . but like , more demonic and heavy metal , And that sword is the source of your power ?
She chuckles yet again , I can't tell if she's mocking me or if she's into me . . . gotta admit one of those is far more preferred , The Sword is made from my soul . . . once stolen from me by former fiance . . . It's all very complicated and tragic and I'd hate to ruin this date by troubling you with all the крокодиловы слёзы , you know ? I have it back , and Earth is safe from demonic invasion . . . [ she toasts to me with the bottle ] . . . you're quite welcome , Cindy Moon .
If you're thinkin' you'll kill the mood . . . keep dreaming , Little Russia .
Illyana appears genuinely surprised by the comment , a smirk appearing on her face as she takes another drink of vodka , You know I am Ukrainian by definition ? That makes you at least . . . twenty times smarter than the last пизда that tried to stick a camera in my face for interview . She eagerly passes the bottle over to me again . . . another drink can't hurt , right ?
She snaps and points her finger at me , Fuckin' TMZ !
I dunno what it is about her , but I really dig her vibe . . . of course it helps she's hot , People hear you speak Russian and just assume .
You get it , Cindy Moon . . . that is why I pick you for interview .
I know I should correct her , but where would the fun in that be ? You mentioned fiance ? Don't strike me as the ' Say Yes to The Dress ' type .
Говнюк dad wanted my older brother back from dead after Soviet Union sent him to die in pointless occupation effort ; so he cut deal with former King of Limbo , Belasco . . . my soul for Mikhail's .
Illyana shrugs the comment off , It's fine . . . Mikhail ended up redecorating the farmhouse with both momma and papa's blood so who really is laughing in the end ?
Fuck , she's hardcore , And your brother . . . what's he up to now ?
The Soviet Propaganda one , or the X-Man one ?
That swig was larger than the others . . . sensitive subject I guess ? Mikhail is demonic , like me . . . though where exactly he schemes is mystery to me ; Piotr in New York , playing dress up with X-Men . . . he and I do not speak ; both do me no good .
So no X-Men or Avengers for you ?
I get many calls . . . many job offers , I never pick up phone . . . or answer email .
Strong , independent , rebellious ? Hot . What would you say to the many people that'll read this that hold judgement against you ?
The bottle gets passed back to me , Why should I care ? If they wish to be ungrateful then that sounds like stereotypical American to me , no ? I know who I am . . . that's all that matters . They can hold whatever prejudice they like against demon brethren . . . does not make job of paranormal investigation any more difficult than it already is .
Getting a bit tipsy here honestly , And what would you say to the people that want to get to know you better ?
She's smirking , I would say that there is bedroom right down hall , Cindy Moon .
Cindy Moon is a writer for Threats & Menaces , you can see more of her work on the following social media platforms : Twitter & YouTube .
Threats & Menaces is an independently owned and operated journalism forum owned by J. Jonah Jameson ; do not reach out to our offices for puff pieces or retractions . Do reach out to our offices if you have any compelling stories about the villain Spider-Man , photographs equally encouraged .