ishq-mohabbat-aur-kahaniya

But in Urdu we say,

"हमारे किस्से के मोती अपने सन्दूक़ में सजा के रखना,

हर कैफ़ियात-ए-ज़िन्दगी में रंग आएँ तुम्हारे,

पर मेरे हिस्से की मोहब्बत बचा के रखना।"

I have "known of" so many good emotions "happiness, excitement, hope, love," etc.

But i just now realised that the only emotion I have felt in years is relief.

i don't know how to ask for my teenage back.

i can't ask for something that was never mine to begin with.

but my youth —

my youth is being stolen right now.

so maybe I can ask for it.

but by the time I do,

— my heart's a graveyard now,

but i am still a little selfish,

My mother believes in god.

So when she tells me,

"Your sin gave your father cancer,"

I just nod.

because my mother believes in god.

I am a sinner according to her.

I am a sinner, not for doing something extreme,

but for daring to live on my own terms,

for keeping myself alive with what little rebellion I have left,

But beneath skin and silence, I’ve buried my scream.

Nobody listens, nobody cares; I am a fraud,

because my mother believes in god.

I cry red into silence, hoping to feel something,

hoping there’s some life still left in mine,

but she angrily plasters a bandage on me,

taking my attempts away too.

She calls me names — on Monday I’m seeking attention, on Tuesday I’m a whore.

But she is celebrated, while I rot,