solamente tu >>

it’s not that the anger in naomi has died. it’s still there, but it’s an ember burning quietly now and not the flames that had always threatened to engulf everyone when her temper flared. there’s still some residual hurt lingering that had settled in her months ago when she realized that he had left without a word, worrying her and daphne beyond belief. all to get comfort in the arms of luci. but this wasn’t about her. she knows that if they’re silent long enough, he’ll speak again and her suspicion is confirmed as his tone lingers heavy between them. “ it is who you are right now. but maybe that’s not who you have to be. ” she was always going to be brutally honest, especially with him, and now was no exception. she didn’t reach out to him like she usually would, her hands in her lap and her gaze straight out. “ you’ve told daph everything. i think, anyways. now, you just have to wait. ” the mention of his drug addiction takes her off guard for a minute. she knows that he’s always been careful around the party scene but he had never told her. “ is that why you went to luci? ”

normally, isco feeds off naomi’s honesty because they work the same way. isco liked to believe that he was as honest as naomi was, but here he is, only a shadow of the man that he once was months ago. he’s become so selfish that he has let go of who he really is and hearing it come out naomi’s mouth makes it even heavier in his heart, it’s no longer just daphne who believes he’s not the same guy, it’s now naomi too. his best friend, the one that he normally comes to when he’s feeling lost. “i did. i told her everything. but i can’t—i can’t keep doing this to her, or to you. to everyone else. i can’t keep hurting everyone around me and just wait for forgiveness. it’s all i do with my parents...wait for forgiveness that i will never get.” isco bites down on his bottom lip as she questions why he went to luci, a small shrug of his shoulders, there’s no way he can keep hiding, so he lets it all out. “i didn’t call her because i wanted to sleep with her, naomi. i would never drop off the face of the earth for that. i was desperate. i just—i was so happy with daphne this summer. i was so fucking happy. but i had a whole second life that no one else was aware of and it was breaking me apart.” he sniffles a little, closing his eyes to try to get his thoughts in order. “i relapsed when we went to new york at the beginning of the break and before you feel guilty, there’s no way you could have known. trust me, i hid it from my friends and my family for years, there’s no way you could have known. i called luci because i was reaching that point where i just...didn’t feel like i had enough. i didn’t feel like myself anymore. she was the only person that knew. at the time, i just told her everything. i just wanted someone to listen to me and not judge me. i asked for help. at first all we did was...try to get me sober. and we did. it took us a whole week. honestly, it comes and goes for me, you know? my memories of that week. then...i guess we just found comfort in each other.” he whispers slowly, his own brain trying to make sense of everything. “i will never forget everything luci did for me. i messed up and i didn’t know how to be honest without losing daphne when i got her back less than a week ago. i know that makes me a fucking asshole, but it’s the truth.”

the  fact  that  daphne  had  been  so  utterly  wrong  about  isco  had  yet  to  settle  in  her  mind.  it  might  have  been  a  little  naive  of  her  not  to  believe  that  he  could  be  capable  of  doing  her  harm  but  that’s  just  who  she  was.  always  overcompensating  for  the  love  she  craved  from  her  parents  as  a  child.  her  father,  even  as  the  dotting  parent  was  almost  always  away  and  would  leave  her  to  the  ‘care’  of  her  overbearing  and  callous  mother,  which  was  the  same  as  being  alone.  she  can’t  help  but  feel  numb  by  it  all.  loneliness  had  become  a  distant  friend,  one  that  would  embrace  her  once  this  all  was  over.  “  what  hurts  the  most  is  you  didn’t  even  give  me  the  chance  to  make  that  decision  on  my  own.  you  made  it  for  me  because  that  was  easier  than  actually  facing  me  like  a  man.  i  never  stood  a  fucking  chance.  ”

“  you  may  not  have  planned  it  but  you  wanted  to  because  you  still  feel  something  for  her  and  i  know  that  deep  down,  you  know  that  too.  i  just  hope  it  was  worth  it.  ”  daphne  wonders  if  he  held  her  after,  for  even  a  brief  moment.  if  he  moved  her  hair  from  her  face  or  left  no  part  of  her  body  unscathed  from  his  lips.  like  he  did  with  her.  she  cannot  erase  the  image  of  them  in  her  mind  no  matter  what  she  does.  she  notices  crescent  shaped  scars  left  in  her  palm  from  clenching  her  fists  so  harshly.  she  couldn’t  feel  the  pain,  her  body  on  overdrive  from  the  overwhelming  emotions  coursing  through  her.  even  as  he  pleads  with  her,  searching  for  any  sign  of  hope,  she  feels  sick.  like  she  might  keel  over  and  retch.  because  despite  the  situation  they  were  in,  a  part  of  her  feared  what  was  to  come,  what  this  all  would  mean  —   for  his  sobriety,  for  his  mental  health,  for  hers.  to  think  it  had  only  been  a  few  days  since  they  stood  in  front  of  one  another  and  pledged  their  undying  fidelity.  when  she  promised  she  would  be  there  for  him  every  step  of  the  way  on  his  journey  to  become  the  man  he  once  was.  maybe  she  became  so  accustomed  to  the  ghosts  in  her  life  that  she  couldn’t  recognize  that  he  had  become  one  too,  and  the  thing  about  loving  ghosts  is  that  it's  doomed  from  the  start.  for  they  can  never  stay  long,  or  even  at  all  and  all  that  you’re  left  with  is  a  dull  ache  in  your  heart  —  the  only  thing  to  remind  you  that  it  was  real.

 she  hadn’t  noticed  that  her  own  declaration  of  love  slipped  through  until  after  it  had  already  came  out  and  she  wishes  she  could  reach  out  and  take  the  words  back,  to  dig  them  so  deep  inside  that  she  forgets  they’re  there.  because  with  his  own  admission  now  following  suit,  the  flood  gates  burst  open.  there’s  no  sign  of  anger  left,  only  complete  and  utter  despair.  she  finally  looks  back  to  him,  her  breaths  labored  as  the  tears  stream  freely.  her  quiet  sniffles  penetrating  the  still  air  between  them.  “  that’s  so  much  worse,  don’t  you  see  ?  you  claim  to  love  me  but  you  still  slept  with  her  and  then  you  came  here  and  lied  to  my  face.  that’s  not  love,  isco,  ”  she  weeps.  “  you  can’t  fix  it  and  i—i  can’t  do  this  anymore. ”  she  tries  to  keep  it  as  together  as  she  can  but  she’s  unraveling.  she  never  expected  that  this  would  be  what  became  of  them.  she  wants  to  scream  why.  why  her?  and  take  her  frustrations  out  on  his  chest,  but  she  can’t,  she  is  too  defeated,  too  exhausted.  he  ripped  her  heart  from  her  body  and  she  doesn’t  want  it  back.  so  with  the  last  bit  of  strength  she  has  left,  she  affirms,  “  we’re  done,  francisco.  you  made  sure  of  that.  ”

isco wants to scream at her, to have her hear him out because he wants to believe that there’s hope but it starts to settle in his heart; the guilt, the way that she’s looking at him like he is no longer hers and she is no longer his. the little fight that he has in him is completely overpowered by the way that she’s looking at him, like he’s a complete stranger. he can’t continue to hurt her and isco has slowly started to realize that all he has done upon entering her life this last summer is hurt her. he’s hurt her more than he’s ever made her happy; first, leaving her with not even a goodbye, then choosing to hide why he did it, and ultimately deciding to be with another woman when they still had feelings for each other. it’s been one thing after the other. by the time that he speaks once again, isco’s voice is no longer as strong as it was seconds ago. it’s like he’s completely frozen in place and can’t move, doesn’t want to move despite how close it’s getting to a goodbye. 

“i didn’t think i would have the chance to have you back in my arms. not after i left. and i know that doesn’t make it right, nothing will ever make it right but i’m being honest right now. i want you. you’re all i want and i say it even now when i know i can’t fix this. i say it now when i know you can’t forgive me for this.it’s not going to change anytime soon.” he lifts his hand to wipe the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, trying to keep it together as he sees her fall apart. she’s strong, she’s so strong that he watched her deal with everything that her father did to her and her family with as much grace as anyone could and yet here she is, completely destroyed by him. he doesn’t know if he’s crying because he’s losing her or because he knows how much she’s suffering. for once since they’d met, there is nothing that he can say to fix it.

isco wants to get back into his own body and honestly disappear, he doesn’t think he’s ever felt as small or as defeated as he’s feeling right now. he knows they’re done, he knew it the moment that she asked him not to touch her. but somehow the moment that she says it out loud, there’s a sharp intake of breath as he wipes at his own tears again, the ones that managed to escape the first time he tried to get rid of them. “i’m sorry daphne, i—i’m so sorry. i never meant to hurt you, baby.” he can’t force himself to say anything else as he feels his voice break. he doesn’t want to say goodbye to her. he doesn’t think he ever could. so all he manages is one last look at her tear-stricken face as if trying to commit everything about her to memory. the thing is that they’re not the two people that met last season, there’s not a glint in their eyes every time that their eyes meet, or the longing looks that they’d shared earlier this season. they’re completely broken and it’s all his fault. he can’t keep doing this to her. with shaky legs, isco does the one thing that he doesn’t want to do, he finally turns around and walks out the door.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one.” Eden shook her head in complete agreement, loose tendrils of chestnut curls gently falling from the messy bun plopped on the crown of her head framing her face. She certainly appreciated Isco’s concern especially since her brother hadn’t yet made it to Australia. It was nice to know there was someone in this house looking out for her. “Just a lot on my mind I guess. Ever since last season, you know.” Eden shrugged, brushing it off as no big deal before nudging her buddy at his joke. “Honestly, same. Margot Robbie could do whatever he wants with me.” With a giggle, she settled into the couch cushions and made herself comfortable snuggling into Isco slightly as her eyes flickered towards the TV. 

isco knew what she meant, he’d seen everything that went down between her and connor, who was still around and with someone else. it’s easy to tell that eden isn’t having the best of fun while stuck in the house. honestly, if it were him, isco would have decided not to come. “do you need to kick someone’s ass? because i will, trust me.” he jokes lightly, though he means it. he hates to think how sad she is because of a guy that didn’t seem to care in the least bit. “she’s amazing. ramona flowers is in this movie too, right? i used to have the biggest crush on that actress because of sky high.”

“ i didn’t ask luci to sleep with you. how the fuck is any of that on me? and you can’t just act like you’re all fucking high and mighty now, you weren’t some innocent bystander in this. we’ve all gotta’ own up to the roles we played in all of this happening, “ he fires back. apollo still had his arms crossed over his chest, but the anger building up inside of him led to him squeezing his forearms so tightly, he was starting to lose feeling in his hands. he can’t remember the last time he was this angry and the feeling terrified him, but he wasn’t backing down. he wasn’t going to let isco talk down to him. “ no, but i know daphne. she’s probably already told you she wants nothing to do with you anymore, hasn’t she? – fuck, no, you don’t get to preach to me about this shit. i was literally trying to make things right with luci when all of this happened, so don’t even pull that shit. i never made any shitty excuses, i just told the truth. a concept that seems incredibly foreign to you. besides, you should know all about unresolved feelings. that’s why you slept with luci, right? you can’t honestly look me in the eye and tell me you felt nothing when you were with her. “

“i’m not saying i’m fucking innocent here, but don’t play the fucking victim. the only victim in this whole thing is daphne, she got stuck in the middle of our shit and got screwed over by me. i’m man enough to admit that. but you? all you do is complain about luci cheating on you. when all this time you’ve been playing not one but two women. and you know what? i don’t owe you any type of explanation, dude.” isco’s anger wasn’t exactly directed at apollo of all people; he knew that the only person to blame for how things had evolved, it was him. he’d made decisions that ended up getting to him in ways that he never thought would happen. but right now, apollo was right in front of him and he couldn’t help but move closer to the other man, especially the moment that daphne’s name left his lips. in less than a second, isco was up on apollo’s face. “stop fucking talking about shit you have no idea about.” he hated to think about it, but that was exactly what daphne had said and apollo was pouring salt in an open wound. “luci was fucking there for me when no one else was. shit got confusing for both of us. do you even know how much she was hurting being across the world from you? no, you didn’t give a shit until she got back here. admit it, apollo, you wanna act all high and mighty, but you fucked up as much as i did. luci and i are done, we both decided that. maybe you should consider talking to both of them and figure your shit out before you come to me acting like a fucking child.”

at first, naomi was beyond bewildered at what was happening in the group chat. luci slept with someone in the house, apollo had said. but, then it all hit her, and she found herself having to read the conversation over again, sure that she had made some kind of mistake. there was no way it could have been isco. but then, daphne had stumbled into her arms, tears streaking her face, and every nagging doubt was confirmed. she had only one goal in mind: give isco a piece of her mind. daphne’s her best friend and no one was ever going to treat her that way. but now, here he was, voice choked with emotion and unable to even look at her and naomi feels herself deflate. daphne’s her best friend but so is isco and she’s silent for a moment, torn in two different directions. “ okay, ” she says finally, sitting with the bottle between then and looking out towards the dark horizon. “ we don’t have to talk about it right now. we can just sit here. ”

isco  is genuinely surprised that her guard does down so soon. he wasn’t expecting her to be understanding of his feelings so fast, not when he’s sure that daphne already put her up to speed on how much he’d hurt her. no matter how close he and naomi are, he knows that daphne is right to feel every way that she feels and that he’s the one to blame for their relationship not working out. he wouldn’t even hold it against naomi if she did choose daphne over him when it came to all of this because the way he handled everything made everything worse for them. isco pushes some of his hair off his face, letting out a shaky breath and for a moment thinks about staying silent. but he can’t help but think that she’s giving him a chance to say what he’s really feeling and he won’t take it for granted. “i keep fucking up, naomi. i just keep—sabotaging myself and every single thing that makes me happy and i don’t fucking know why. i can’t even put this on my relapse or my drug addiction. i chose to lie to her for my own benefit, naomi. this can’t be who i really am. i refuse to be this person.” he immediately wipes the tears that threaten to fall down his cheeks, his eyes still focused ahead. “ i just don’t know how to make it stop hurting—”

apollo groaned at isco’s words, letting his eyes roll. he knew that he was never going to be able to rid himself of the whole cheating on luci thing, but he was so goddamn sick of hearing about it. and in his mind, he felt like isco had no real room to talk either considering he was sure that the group chat blow up probably didn’t bode well for him and daphne. “ she lied to me to protect you. i think that warrants you some blame on that side of things, “ he sniped, feeling the color rush to his cheeks, full of anger. apollo wanted nothing more than to just push past isco and never come face to face with the man again, but something in him kept his feet rooted in place. “ oh, fuck you, dude. you don’t know anything about me, so just shut the fuck up. at least i was honest with luci about everything. you can’t say the same with daphne, can you? “

“right. you know what, apollo? grow the fuck up. some of us don’t have time for this shit. you trying to put some of the blame on someone else because you’ve made a mess of your own shit speaks volumes of the person you are.” isco let out without much of a care of how it all sounded because he was incredibly messed up. he had so many feelings at the same time, that he was reacting in harsh ways. a part of him wonders if he’s finally understanding how his older siblings feel, that rage and anger has been pushed down for so long that is coming out at the worst of times. “you know shit about me and daphne. you know shit about me, dude. and you told luci for what? so you could complain about how much you care about both of them at the same time instead of being a man and making up your damn mind? at least i have always chosen daphne since we got together. luci and i both messed up but you don’t see either of us making shitty excuses for it like you do. i messed up and daphne might never forgive me, but at least she won’t have to deal with me trying to make up my mind between her and another person like you’re doing to not one, but two girls. or am i fucking wrong?”

 a  sharp  intake  of  breath  is  all  there  is  to  indicate  the  surprise  his  confirmation  brings.  she  could  physically  feel  her  heart  shattering  into  pieces.  “  oh  my  god,  ”  she  whimpers,  stepping  backwards  unconsciously.  she  couldn’t  bring  herself  to  look  at  him.  it  hurt  to  see  the  same  kind  eyes  she  loved,  staring  at  her,  and  no  longer  recognize  who  they  belonged  to.  this  man  in  front  of  her  couldn’t  possibly  be  the  same  one  she  fell  in  love  with.  with  the  terrible  year  she’s  had,  it  was  starting  to  feel  like  she  entered  another  universe  that’s  only  purpose  was  to  bring  her  pain  and  it  was  all  too  much  to  bear.  forever  and  always  never  seemed  so  out  of  reach.  the  possibility  of  their  future  together  going  up  in  smoke.  she  told  naomi  once  that  they  could  get  through  anything  as  long  as  they  had  each  other  and  in  this  moment  it  never  felt  more  like  a  hopeless  dream.

 daphne  angrily  wipes  away  the  hot  tears  that  run  down  her  cheeks,  not  wanting  to  cry  in  front  of  him.  she  yanks  her  hands  away  from  his  reach,  “  don’t  touch  me.  ”  she  warns,  her  hands  trembling  at  her  sides.  the  more  he  tried  to  explain  his  justifications,  the  angrier  she  grew.  “  wow.  i’m  such  an  idiot.  i  was  at  home  missing  you,  worrying  about  you,  and  you  were  too  busy  fucking  luci.  ”  saying  those  words  aloud,  nearly  causes  her  to  fall  apart  at  the  seams  right  then  and  there.  the  anger  seeming  to  be  the  only  thing  keeping  her  a  float.  “  but  it  does.  it  means  something  to  me.  you  wanted  comfort  and  you  called  her  and  i  was  okay  with  that  because  you  needed  help  but  you  touched  her,  isco,  ”  her  voice  cracks.  “  and  then  you  came  back  to  me.  like  an  afterthought.  because  i’m  here  and  i’m  easily  available  to  you  right  ?  ”

 the  closer  he  gets,  the  farther  back  she  moves.  she  wraps  her  arms  around  her  body,  wanting  nothing  more  than  to  retreat  further  into  herself  until  she  disappears.  “  i  don’t  even  know  who  you  are  right  now  and  i  don’t  believe  a  fucking  word  that  comes  out  of  your  mouth.  you  kept  me  in  the  dark  while  everyone  here  knew  the  truth!  watching  me  make  a  complete  fool  out  of  myself  for  loving  you  with  everything  in  me.  you’re  a  liar.  you’re  a  fucking  liar.  ”

he’s heard of people feeling hollow before, but he’s never felt it before. not until she steps away from him, not until she yanks her hands away. he knew since the moment that he slept with luci that coming back to daphne was not an option. even as he stepped foot in the house for the third season, knowing that daphne would be there, isco readied himself for the fact that he had to let her go, no matter how much of an optimist he could be. but he was in no way ready to hear the words coming out of her mouth, to the way that she’s looking at him because it’s such a contrast from the loving looks they were sharing literally only minutes ago. “please, don’t say that.” please, don’t think that. please, don’t leave. and yet no words leave his mouth. he is in absolutely no position to make any request, but the way he’s looking at her is enough to show how desperate he is to hang onto any small amount of hope he can come up with.

“i wasn’t thinking about that when i called her. i didn’t plan on—god, i can’t even fucking say it.” isco’s words are fast and short. desperation clear in his voice as he tries to keep his hands away from her when all he wants to do is reach out to wipe her tears away. he’s having a hard time breathing and he doesn’t know if it’s because of the tension or simply the fact that he’s too focused on getting the words out that he barely knows how to make the rest of his body function. he stays put right where he is, not daring to invade her space as he can literally see how fast she’s pulling away from him. not only physically, but emotionally. she’s already miles away from him and isco swears he can hear both of their hearts breaking into several pieces right as she does it. “no. no, daphne—i came back because i want you. because i am in love with you and i am not letting you go. i made a a mistake. hell, i’ve made several mistakes and i hate that instead of making you happy all i’ve done is hurt you. but i’m gonna fix this. please, just let me fix this.”

it’s a disaster, the way that one little truth makes all the other truths come out. he knows what love is, he’s experienced it before. but it’s never been as terrifying and as raw as this. he’s known he loves her for a while now, but this is the one way that he doesn’t want her to find out about it. and yet here they are, saying words they’ve never said before. they can’t change anything though. they can’t change the fact that isco basically cheated on her. and they can’t change the fact that he broke her heart the moment he decided to call luci that summer night. he’s grasping for straws, trying to hold onto her with everything despite the fact that he knows her. he knows she’s won’t forgive him for what he did. “this can’t be the end of us. it can’t end like this. it’s not supposed to end.”

after the whole debacle in the group chat last night, apollo had escaped from everyone else by locking himself in the private room with a bottle of tequila. he’d spent the whole night finally getting straight answers from luci until he eventually blacked out from the drinking, waking up with the smell of tequila on his shirt and the door stuck. he’d just been freed from the room by isa and changed into a new shirt that didn’t smell like alcohol. he was hesitant to go downstairs to face the rest of the house, but the grumbling in his stomach was incentive enough for him to brave leaving his room. he was just about to descend the stairs when he spotted isco coming up. apollo just stares at the other man for a few moments, arms crossed, anger and jealousy bubbling up inside him. he scoffs at isco’s words, followed by rolled eyes and a furrowed brow. “ don’t worry. luci finally told me the truth, “ he snipes as his eyes narrow. “ what the fuck, dude? “

isco’s annoyance is evident in his face, he’s not really trying to hide it. he stands by his statement from the night before; the only person he will explain anything to is daphne so he’s almost waving off apollo by the time that he finishes talking. “what the fuck, what? you both cheated and i’m to fucking blame now?” he questioned. isco had been keeping his distance from all of it for multiple reasons; one, he had no idea that apollo and luci were a thing until he made it to australia and two, because it was their business how their relationship worked. he wishes they could fix because he knew that luci deserved that happiness and that she was in love with apollo, but the way that they argued made his head spin and it confused him. “i’m not the one that has feelings for two people in the same house, so who are you to fucking judge?”

with  not  a  drop  of  alcohol  in  daphne’s  system  —   a  first  since  she’s  been  in  the  house  —   her  head  was  spinning.  what  started  off  as  some  late  night  fun  quickly  became  a  heated  discussion  that  everyone  seemed  to  be  clued  in  on  except  for  daphne.  one  moment  she  was  defending  apollo  in  the  group  chat  which  somehow  turned  into  a  conversation  about  her  relationship  with  isco.  she  wasn’t  sure  what  to  think.  it  all  happened  so  fast  that  she  couldn’t  think  straight.  they  were  good,  finally  in  a  place  reminiscent  of  their  time  together  over  the  summer.  she  was  happy.  so  why  did  it  feel  like  the  rug  was  going  be  ripped  out  from  under  her  again?  daph i really think you should talk to isco in private, like soon,  apollo  wrote  in.  she  looks  up  from  her  phone,  doe  eyes  roaming  over  the  person  she  trusts  without  question.  he  doesn’t  meet  her  eyes.  she  punches  in  her  message  with  trembling  hands.  why does it feel like everyone knows something that i don’t ??  apollo  insists  that  she  just  trust  him,  so  she  does.

you  could  cut  the  tension  in  the  room  with  a  knife.  she  opens  her  mouth  to  speak  but  her  voice  betrays  her  and  nothing  comes  out.  there  is  a  lot  that  daphne  can  deal  with,  lies  is  not  one  of  them.  so  when  he  starts  by  saying  he  hasn’t  been  honest,  dread  blooms  in  her  chest,  her  brow  furrows  and  the  shaking  returns.  she  stands  rooted  at  her  spot  refusing  to  get  closer  to  him  until  she  knows  the  truth.  the  whole  truth.  she  hangs  on  to  his  every  word,  attempting  to  put  it  all  together.  i  called  luciana,  echoes  in  her  thoughts,  taunting  her.  no,  no,  no.  she  refused  to  believe  that  her  suspicions  might  be  true  after  all.  a  million  different  emotions  flow  through  her  at  once.  the  first  being  humiliation.  how  could  she  be  so  blind?  so  stupid?  then  it’s  rage,  unbridled  and  awaiting  full  confirmation  before  it  explodes  out  of  her  tiny  frame.  she  approaches  him  now.  ire  grips  her  with  an  iron  fist,  she  will  only  ask  once.  “  isco,  look  at  me,  ”  she  commands,  searching  his  eyes  for  any  indication  that  what  she  is  thinking  could  be  true.  “  tell  me  you  didn’t  sleep  with  her.  ”  she  says,  her  voice  then  dropping  down  to  a  strangled  plea,  “  please.  ”

a part of him is starting to wonder why things have happened like this with them. why is it that it all seems to make sense when she’s around, but at the same time that he keeps ruining things between them with every decision that he makes. the fact that she’s standing right in front of her after only a few days of things being good between them, almost makes him reconsider if they really belong together. he can see the hurt in her eyes though and that moment right there lets him know why he knows that he can’t afford to think like that. he has selfish reasons why he didn’t tell daphne about what happened between he and luci during those last two weeks of the break, but he also can’t bring himself to bring more pain into her life. no matter how much she’d said that her life was better with him around, all he can think about is the amount of times that he’s caused the sadness in her eyes, the justified anger that he knows it’s coming right after. he’s losing her, he’s losing her and he has no one else to blame but himself. his eyes meet hers at her request and he’s trying so damn hard to show as minimal guilt as he can, if he could genuinely just disconnected his brain from his feelings, this is the moment that he’d choose to do so because the way his heart breaks when he notices how she’s looking at him, almost makes him lose all hope. 

even if he tries to hide it, the confirmation is right there in his eyes as he looks back at her and immediately looks away from her. there’s shame, there’s guilt and there’s so many things that doesn’t even know how to explain but he forces himself to look back at her just as fast, his hands trying to find hers, her hands, any part of her that can keep them both grounded in place because he’s more than sure that she’s going to walk away from him and never look back again at this. “daphne—i wish i could. i just—i can’t keep lying to you.” the knot in his throat somehow gets tighter as frantic eyes try to read her expression, her mannerisms, anything that he can take as a clue of what her next move will be so that it hurts less. his heart is breaking at how much it’s hurting her, honestly. “i thought i had lost you, daph. i didn’t think you would ever forgive me after leaving. luci was hurting. i was hurting...it just happened. and it was over almost as soon as it got started. i want you. i only want you. you have to know that...it didn’t mean anything. it’s not like it is with you, baby.”

to say isco was shaken up it would be an understatement. he’s barely slept since the night before, the family shaky and unpredictable feeling he gets when he’s craving a fix has slowly made its way back into his veins and a part of him does not know how to handle it anymore. not when all he wants to do is forget all of this ever happened. he doesn’t want to feel anymore, he doesn’t want to hurt anymore. guilt has made its way to the pit of his stomach, making him not want to eat for most of the day. the phone that the producers gave him is laying somewhere in the second floor of the house, purposely forgotten. if it’s up to him, he won’t pick it back up ever again, honestly. it’s just his luck that when he’s going up the stairs, apollo is the face that he finds walking in the opposite direction. isco is trying so hard not to lash out at anyone, his anger has been buried deep down the moment that he talked to daphne, but when he sees the other male standing right in front of him, he takes several deep breaths before he finally speaks up. “look, if you’re gonna ask for an explanation too. i’m sorry but i ran out of those.”

a few days had passed since her conversation with isco and naomi had been keeping her distance from one of her best friends. it’s not that she was mad at him or didn’t want to see him. it’s just that there seemed to be a divide between them. there was clearly something big that he wasn’t saying and he didn’t seem ready to say it yet. and she knew that spilling whatever’s on his mind would be an internal battle for him so she kept away. but after what had happened in the group chat, she wanted to check up on him. she swings the door to the backyard open, making her way over to him. “ hey stranger. looks like you could use this, ” she holds up the bottle she had swiped from the kitchen table. @iscotm

isco had been looking for some solitude; he’s still trying to wrap his head around the fact that his entire world is crumbling to pieces and has no idea how to handle that he’s losing everyone. his head feels like it is spinning when naomi opens the door and for the first time ever, he’s dreading talking to her now more than ever due to the fact that she is daphne’s best friend. he’s not sure he can discuss this with anyone else. but he also knows naomi won’t take a no for an answer; it’s just who she is.  a sigh leaves his mouth as he looks away from her, back at the ocean. “i’m sorry, naomi. i don’t think i can handle the same conversation with two people on the same night.” he admitted, his voice almost breaking by the end of the sentence.

it was a good thing that isco had chose to remain sober that night; because the way that things had turned out already had his head spiraling. he knew that he was supposed to tell daphne as soon as they talked, that this wouldn’t be happening if he had just been completely honest with her from the moment that they talked once again. he can’t erase the way she was looking at him that night, like everything made sense again. initially, he planned on telling her about luci the same day he came clean about his drug addiction, but the moment he explained the reason of his disappearance, they’d went back to the two people they’d been during the break so effortlessly that isco couldn’t bring himself to. the thought of what happened between he and luci on the last week of the break had absolutely left his brain when daphne had forgave him. he’d been in a haze since then until game night. since that moment, the thought wouldn’t leave his head.

every single time he looked at daphne, a part of him wanted to come clean. she deserved to know the truth, she deserved to make a decision about him when she knew everything that she had to know about him. but he’s in no way ready to face her now after the exchange between apollo and luci in the group chat. he’s not ready to lose her when she just came back into his life. unsurprisingly, they’d been hanging out while playing the game on their phones, so the air in the room was already thick with so much tension and awkwardness that isco feels like he’s suffocating as he leans against the wall and tries to figure out how to tell her everything. “i wasn’t completely honest with you when we talked about me leaving.” he whispered, his voice almost sounding like it didn’t belong to him as he looked back at her. the least he could do was face her, after all. “i called luciana when i realized i was getting close to a point of no return. she knew about my addiction since last year when we dated. i—we broke up because i couldn’t handle being with someone that was still getting high.” there’s a frown in his face as he starts, almost as if he’s trying to put all the puzzle pieces together too. “when i joined the show last season, i helped her get sober. i don’t know...i guess i knew she understood what i was going through during break or something. she showed up on my doorstep a few hours later. i was a fucking disaster. i thought i had lost you. i didn’t think i could even make it back on the show. i just—i never meant for it to happen.” there’s a lot of things in his voice, but defeat is almost palpable. he knows that there’s no going back after this and he’s not entirely sure of how to take it. 

 daphne  can’t  help  the  shiver  his  statement  and  close  proximity  brings  her.  he  always  had  that  effect  on  her,  even  before  their  summer  together.  it  was  something  about  isco  that  drew  her  in  from  the  moment  she  laid  eyes  on  him.  the  fact  that  she  never  wanted  him  to  look  at  her  like  he  did  other  kooks  or  that  in  that  stupid  game  of  truth  or  dare,  she  felt  something  ignite  in  her  when  their  lips  met.  all  before  they  even  got  the  chance  to  truly  know  one  another,  it  was  unlike  anything  she’s  ever  experienced  before.  but  then  it  all  seemed  to  be  a  fluke,  he  was  with  kaia,  happy  with  her  and  she  was  okay  with  that.  content,  even.  then,  as  if  fate  had  intervened,  the  two  of  them  came  together  again  when  they  needed  each  other  the  most.  outwardly  everything  about  daphne  and  isco  is  different.  their  status,  their  height,  their  past  and  yet,  it  made  sense.  where  one  lacked  the  other  made  up  for.  they  weren’t  perfect  by  any  means  but  it  was  them  and  nothing  could  ever  come  close  to  it.

she  awaits  his  words,  looking  at  him  with  dark  honeyed  eyes  that  read  of  concern  and  a  bit  of  dread  for  what  was  to  come.  could  it  possibly  be  over  between  them?  will  his  reasons  be  what  drives  the  knife  in  their  relationship?  is  she  prepared  for  that?  questions  rack  her  brain  in  the  moment  of  silence  that  passes  between  them.  daphne  blinks  rapidly,  trying  to  process  the  information  given  to  her.  sober  for  four  years?  she  hadn’t  known  that.  okay,  she  thinks,  unable  to  make  her  lips  form  the  words.  it  was  important  that  she  allowed  him  to  speak  his  truth  without  interruption.  he  deserved  that  much.

there  is  a  tightness  in  her  chest  as  he  fully  reveals  the  truth.  she  feels  vile  for  the  way  she’s  painted  things  out  to  be  in  her  head.  for  never  realizing  that  he  was  suffering.  he  had  been  battling  with  his  addiction  and  he  was  still  thinking  of  her.  to  be  better  because  their  time  together  meant  as  much  to  him  as  it  did  her.  all  the  while  she  was  gripped  by  fear  and  thinking  the  worst  of  him.  “  i’m  so  sorry  if  you  felt  like  you  couldn’t  trust  me  before  with  this  and  for  not  giving  you  the  chance  to  explain.  i  know  this  couldn’t  have  been  easy.  ”  she  murmurs,  fighting  the  tears  that  threaten  to  spill  as  she  pulls  him  into  her  arms.  her  cheek  pressed  against  his  chest,  the  unsteady  beat  of  his  heart  breaking  her  own.  “  i’ve  been  so  upset.  fearing  that  maybe  you  weren’t  who  i  thought  you  were  but  isco,  you  are,  ”  she  pulls  away  for  second  to  look  him  in  the  eyes.  needing  him  to  understand  how  she  truly  feels.  that  her  feelings  for  him  were  not  fragile  or  conditional.  “  you  are  every  bit  of  the  good  man  i’ve  fallen  so  quickly  for.  especially  right  now.  this  doesn’t  change  that,  somos  tu  y  yo,  recuerdas  ?  ”  she  reminds  him,  hand  raised  to  stroke  his  cheek.  “  i  meant  it  then  and  i  mean  it  now.  i’m  not  going  anywhere.  i  know  you  think  i  expect  perfection  because  i’m  a  kook  or  whatever,  but  i  don’t  want  perfect,  i  want  real  and  what  we  have  is  real.  i  feel  that  in  my  heart.  so  if  you’re  willing  to  let  me  help,  i  know  we’ll  get  through  this.  together.  ”

it’s crazy; standing right in front of her and telling her about one of the few things that he hates to talk about. it’s all out in the open now and he can almost see the way that it all starts clicking for her. there’s things that he hasn’t said yet and there’s so much more to explain, but it’s the fact that she doesn’t even question why he started doing all of this or how it happened that has him reconsidering everything that he did this past summer. he didn’t hide it because he didn’t trust her; he just did it because he’s used to hiding that part of him, he’s used to not having to overshare all of it to most of the people that he considers himself close to. aside from luci, daphne is the closest to a serious relationship that he’s had since high school, he’s not entirely sure of how much a significant other is supposed to know about his addiction and issues, but it’s the fact that he thought he could lose her over all of this that kept him from being one hundred percent honest with her. it’s never really been about trust because he trusts her, even the past few weeks when she was giving him a cold shoulder, he knew that she would have his back when it mattered. but as he notices the helpless look on her face as he speaks, it downs on him how much this matters to her. as much as it does for him. 

he does not hesitate as she hugs him, his arms moving to wrap around her smaller frame. for the past few weeks, he’s been so sure that there’s no way that she can forgive him, that it’s almost surreal to him that she’s back in his arms. it feels like she never left, but at the same time like it’s been years since they touched each other in any way. watery eyes lock on hers once again and all he can do is nod, his brain taking a moment to digest everything that she’s saying. honestly, this wasn’t the outcome that he ever thought he’d get. he hadn’t gave up on her, but a part him felt like even his honesty wouldn’t be good enough to make up for how much he’d hurt her. but here she was, saying everything that he’d always wanted to hear and he didn’t even know how to react. “somos tu y yo. siempre.” he whispered as he tucked some of her hair behind her ear carefully, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. sometimes it was easy to forget some of the things that they talked about when they were hidden in their own little world, in her room, doing absolutely nothing but embracing each other’s company. but it’s the reminder of her words that makes him realize how important their time together was for her. they held onto each other in ways that he hadn’t realized until now.

“i am...so sorry that i hurt you. that i made things so fucking stupid. i never intended to, daph. i’m sorry i didn’t explain until now...it wasn’t because i don’t trust you. i’m just so used to people leaving when they find out...i didn’t want you to be one of them.” he admitted softly, his hands moving to cup her cheeks carefully as ever as he shook his head. there were just so many things to say, he didn’t even know where to start. starting with the fact that she was so willingly agreeing to give him her all, even if he wasn’t what she always expected he would be. “let you help? i was on my way to start begging, babe.” he offered her an almost sad smile. “so if you’re willing to take me back. i’m all yours.”

With a hip pressed against the doorframe, Eden tossed back a kernel of popcorn in anticipation of movie confirmation. She didn’t have to wait long and soon padded over towards the couch. “Trust me, that won’t be a problem.” The brunette mused as she made herself comfortable upon the cushions. Up until recently, sleep was a luxury Eden had trouble affording, unable to rid her mind of the media comments and criticism. “I think I’d have to give you some sort of prize if you could get me to sleep for more than like 20 minutes though.” Eden teased as she extended the popcorn bowl towards Isco and offered him a smile. “Alright. Let’s get this bad boy going. I want to see Harley Quinn kick some ass.”

“honestly, i’m a firm believer that living in this house makes us all so restless. like, i’m serious, the vibes here? there’s a select group of people that i can talk to for longer than two minutes without feeling off.” isco didn’t mean he disliked them or anything, it was just the fact that most of them just spent most of their time arguing and the way that isco saw things these days was that he needed to enjoy what little he had every single chance that he could. “why you not sleeping. what’s up?” he doubted she would tell him, but it was important for him to ask. “i want all of them to kick my ass, honestly.” he joked lightly right before he started the movie for them.

“ i know. ” the pair had spent so much time together that they had seen each other at their best and worst, but no matter what, they had always accepted one another. she knew that him asking her to go home with him had been a big step, a token of just how much he trusted her, and the visit had been amazing. she loved his family as much they seemed to love her and they had terrorized the streets of new york together. but still, something had felt off.  when they got back to the outer banks, he had been partying more than naomi had ever seen. and the fact that they had always been so honest with each other made alarms ring in her head when he took off without a word and then evaded any question she asked about his trip. even now, as he created space between them, she could see the quiet agitation that had been growing in him since they had returned. “ you’ve been different. and not everyone may notice, but i’m not just anyone. look, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to or maybe there is nothing, but i promise you, ‘sco. there’s nothing that you could say that would make me leave. ” she watched as he stood above, moving closer to the edge of her pool chair. “ trust me, daphne doesn’t just cut people off like that. ”

hiding everything was easier for isco, that was what he was best at; acting like everything was okay when in reality it simply wasn’t. he was shaky, he was nervous and on edge all the time, but somehow he’d managed to play it like it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. it was ridiculous that he’d thought that naomi wouldn’t notice it at some point. “naomi, i don’t really want to get into this right now.” he whispered as he looked away from her, turning his back on her so that he could look down at the water in the pool. lying to everyone was getting harder and harder, but he saw no point on telling them all the pain he’d been going through. naomi deserved better. all of his friends deserved better than to deal with a guy like him. “i gotta go shower. see you later, okay?”

luci: you’ve been sober, for years. you can handle it. i can’t even keep myself from falling apart every couple of months

luci: i’m so fucking tired of being conscious enough to think about everyone who’s lives i’ve fucked up somehow

isco: yeah, you're right. but it's because i try not to think of the pills like a solution to all my problems

luci: if were always gonna be like this then what’s the point in trying to get better

luci: i’m so tired of fighting all of the time

isco: no that's the thing. i'm trying to be better and the only way i can do that is by being sober. do you know the amount of shit that i've done before and after using? i'm tired of it, i'm tired of not being in the right state of mind