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@ironnmad
i made a wish
i hope you are happy

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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gusto ko ng yakap na sadya
hindi sapilitan, hindi pagpapaubaya
gusto ko ng yakap na sadya
yung totoo, mula sayo
m.a.d
41664:
the glowing moon,
and the shining stars;
i wish i could still see you soon,
and make the night ours
look, love, look at the sparkling lights around it
don't we need them to snap out the negatives?
and yes, the beauty in the dark, i could see it
we are still under the same night sky, be happy for it
you,
who have loved the stars too,
doesn't have to be fearful tonight
see the bright side, see the light
step one of learning how to let go:
embrace the pain
as much as we find it easy to find good reasons on how to love someone, it is absolutely hard for us to find good reasons to let the one we love the most go. and as much as we want to keep them, hold on and make the dreams together come true. the thing is, we cannot keep someone who doesn't wanna be kept.
love. what a dangerous thing you are. it keeps you alive, and somehow makes you feel dead inside. and when it makes you feel empty enough, when it should make you feel full and the best, that's when you are left with no choice but to let go. painful.
pain. what a terrifying beauty you are. it stabs you, but it makes you stronger. so, step one of learning ho to let go; embrace the pain. you cannot really take a step forward away from it, you cannot really snap out of it quickly. but you can embrace it, feel the pain, live in the moment. hoping you'd learn from it. hoping you'd survive from it.
m.a.d
Maybe I don't love you. Maybe the only things I loved were your companionship and how you never left, and how I longed for someone else I knew to do that too, for me. Maybe I don't miss you. Maybe what I miss is the feeling of someone worrying and loving me, and how the world felt better because someone was there. Maybe I don't, but the thing is, I know I also did. But never do.
Maybe or maybe not. I guess I'll never know.
maybe you don't love me.
maybe the things you loved were the times i stayed up late at night with you to talk about the universe and the constellations, and how we are all about to die like the falling stars from above. maybe they were those hard times when you push me away, but i pull you closer. when you thought i am leaving like anybody else did, but i never left. and the fact that you were longing for someone to stay, not to talk, but just to stay. for you. no matter what. and maybe you don't miss me. you just missed the feeling of being wanted and how it felt right knowing someone got you. maybe you don't, but what keeps me going is the fact that, somehow, somewhere in your heart and eyes, you know you did love me back.
maybe or maybe not. i guess i'll never know.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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sonnet cmxxiv:
alright, give me my quill and let me lean; on our heaped-up memories, clear and far
to you whom i've shown my joys, fears and scars, the stories and everything in between.
while there's a lot to be scared of, i still think there's much with which i'm blessed
tho life's either sunny or funny, there are some blessings that are the best;
one is having a friend like you.
so shall i compare this friendship to a lamp? a once small spark of fun and laughs,
eventually it grew, larger and stronger until it learned to glow
fueled with bonds of beers and movies, through time, flames burned fears
stepped out of the box, gone are the tears, finally i am not alone
lights guided me on starless nights, showed me i am wanted and that felt right.
so, thank you, will never forget how that new m was born.
cheers to another year for you, and another year of having a good friend for me
i don't know what it is in your plans and things;
but please don't take my flame away, please don't make the devil in the dark stay.
people can always leave me, and i'll always be that someone who gets left behind but still chooses to stay where you left me. i'm tired, am i not worthy enough?
a happy life is a myth.
a happy life is a myth which everyone is expecting to get. a myth where you could live to keep your chin up and show the world your shining teeth. a myth where negative feelings are voided, and tears are easy to bear.
but no matter how much we try to be happy we can’t escape from experiencing the grief. we still feel sad. still feel broken. still feel empty. sometimes still lost. and quite mad.
everyone tries not to be sad. everyone sees sadness as a disease that needs to be cured or it will surely kill you. and i do wanna know why. who would have want to live that monotone life? do you? is it really bad to be sad? or is it as shameful to human beings as showing our naked body as if we are showing our naked souls through these emotions? is this making us less strong? or is it a crime that’s why it feels wrong?
life is quite chaotic. it makes you mad, sad, lonely, empty and everything all at once. it directs you and makes you feel lost at times. and that’s the beauty of it. that’s how you learn and grow. because hey, it is okay to feel sad sometimes. it is okay to feel tired sometimes. tears don’t mean you are weak. it means you are alive and you have to keep going.
embrace pure and real feelings, embrace fear and tears as much as you embrace laughs and smiles. a bad day doesn’t mean you have a bad life.
Why does the morning have to come?
to remind you that if life failed you yesterday, you have today to try again. it is a proof that if life makes you a little sad, it is not the end yet. and if it makes you happy enough, it doesn't have to end yet.
Have you ever wonder why the earth is always circling around the sun while the moon did the same to the earth?
maybe because we are so into this torture brand called unrequited love. we see this as a tool fuel to our self doubts and criticisms. a proof that we are unworthy and unlovable. a quick reminder that we aren't enough.
earth represents us. and maybe the continuous circling of it around the sun, while the moon does the same, wants to tell us that some love wasn't meant to fulfill us, but a way for us to see what we are neglecting within ourselves.
maybe, just maybe, it wants us to see our worth for us to be able to be worthy of the love we give.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Its so relaxing here. Good music taste
does my bgm still works? haha thank you, enjoy your stay!
Hi! I hope you're doing fine and I just wanna say, you're doing good.
hello, thank you! you're appreciated 🌻
I'm missing your writings. It makes me fall inlove in a saddest way. Your blog is gold!
wow, didn't know someone is still out there visiting my blog. i guess i'll be back with a whole new set of writings. hopefully no more sad love poems, for i am happily in love right now. thank you! 🌻
i don’t know why everyone is in a rush to turn away. why everyone is in such a rush to run. i don’t understand why more people leave rather than stay. and why people feel obligated to go, instead of remain. i don't know why some people be so close and important to you, then realize they are one of those people who aren't ever meant to stay.
i don't know why, or maybe i just don't wanna be alone. again.
i loved you;
even when you gave me thousand of reasons not to.
i loved you;
even when the world consistently asking me why.
you can throw me all of the universe's but's and if's,
and i can assure you that none of them could change
the one that mattered the most,
i loved you.
i love you.
i always will.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award, you’re supposed to paste it in the ask of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it’s sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out. 🖤
aww, thank you! 💗
minsan, sa pagpatak ng orasan, ibinulalas niya ang isang katanungan, “ano ang kulay ng pag-ibig?” ngumiti lang ako, nag-isip, marahil pula, kulay na kay lamig aking sambit na walang pagdududa– magmula noong ang akin at ang kanyang labi ay nagdampi. ang halikan siya ay tila nagdudulot ng paso sa aking katawan ang hawakan siya ay ang paglalakbay sa ibabaw ng yelo, na walang saplot sa paa; ang hagkan siya ay ang paglubog sa ilalim ng malalamig na tubig; pula, pag-ibig na ‘kay lamig ngunit ang panghawakan ito ay ang damhin ang init ng yelong nanlalamig. kahel, kulay na puno ng emosyon at pag-asa; katulad ng pagbaybay ng haring araw sa karagatan ng gintong kaulapan, tila ba nagsasabing kahit gaano kadami ang problema, matatapos ang isang araw na maganda at may bukas ka para makapagsimula kahel, pag-ibig na handang magsakripisyo; katulad ng unti-unting pagkamatay ng haring araw para sa buwan, tila ba nagsasabing kahit ilang ulit o kahit gaano kasakit, handang isakripisyo ang lahat, para sa nakatatanging iniibig dilaw, kulay na 'kay saya; tandang-tanda ko pa, noong unang beses tayong nakita, kung paano ang mga mata mo at mata ko ay nagkatagpo, sa gitna ng mga nagkakagulong tao, at kung paano mo nilagyan ng kulay ang madilim kong mundo dilaw, pag-ibig na hinding-hindi bibitaw, sa kabila ng lahat ng mga pagsubok at sakit, paulit-ulit, doon ay hahanapin kita, sa pagitan ng 'kamusta ka’ at 'paalam na’, panghahawakan ang bawat pagsambit mo ng “mahal kita.” berde, kulay ng paglago; katulad ng punong patuloy na lumalaban sa mga unos— minsan kang titisudin ng kalungkutan o di kaya'y dadagukan ng mga panlilinlang, ngunit hindi titigil sa pag-ikot ang mundo, mapag-iiwanan ka nito kung hindi ka tatayo. berde, pag-ibig na balanse; kailanma'y hindi kailangang mamili, sapat para magmahal ka at mahalin ka pabalik, sa buhay na walang ikaw at ako, kundi tayo—na patuloy na babangon at lalago. asul, kulay na puno ng katahimikan; katulad ng malawak na karagatan, tila bumubulong na aking iwan ang takot sa dalampasigan, at lakbayin ang buhangin kung saan nakaratay ang matagal ng minimithing makita asul, pag-ibig na puno ng pagtitiwala; pagmamahal na hinding-hindi magdududa, pag-ibig na hindi mang-iiwan, at handang maghintay sa taong paulit-ulit ng lumilisan. indigo, kulay na mapanlinlang; katulad ng biglaang pagdilim ng kalangitan, tila ba nagbabadya ng malalakas na pag-ulan, tila ba ang mga ulap ay umiiyak at nagdadalamhati sa sakit; ngunit biglang hihinto, ang kapaligiran ay muling tatahimik. indigo, pag-ibig na nakakaloko; dadating ng hindi inaasahan, iiwanan ka kung kailan ka seryoso. pagmamahal na handang maghintay sa tamang panahon, kung kailan ang dalawa ay magiging isa— handang manindigan sa kung anong meron tayo. lila, kulay na puno ng imahinasyon; ang yakapin ka ay tila pagyakap sa buo mong pagkatao, ang mahalin ka ay ang pagtanggap ikaw man ay maging sino, lila, pag-ibig na totoo. minsan, sa pagpatak ng orasan, ibinulalas mo ang isang katanungan, “ano ang kulay ng pag-ibig?” ngumiti lang ako, nag-isip, marahil ang pitong kulay ng bahaghari, na tila bumubuo sa pitong letra ng “pag-ibig” oo, bahaghari ang kulay ng pag-ibig, at ikaw ang paborito kong kulay, ikaw ang ika-walo na sa mundo ko'y nagbigay kulay ikaw ang haplos ng reyalidad sa mahigpit na gapos ng pantasya— ang kaligayahang hindi matutumbasan, pag-ibig na panghahawakan hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan.
bahaghari ang kulay ng pag-ibig; m.a.d (via escafeism)