The Secret Ironman

I feel like I’m 1000 years old for having to purchase this.  Every night I question.... did I take it? Now, I’ll never have to wonder.

I went to the gym yesterday. I did 30 minutes of weights.  I don’t take long breaks and I do three sets of each.  Am I the only person that get her heart rate up lifting weights? Is that normal.  Most times when I go, I do an all over body workout and change it up so I can avoid the most dreaded exercise in the gym.... the deadlift. BUT yesterday I focused on legs only which meant DEADLIFTS. I walked around work wondering if people thought my legs were broken because they were not working.  I also managed to run early this morning in the cold.  It actually wasn’t that bad once you got going. I do think the

For someone that had two procedures this week.... I’ll take that weekly summary.

I realized today that this is my ten year anniversary of triathlon.  I finished my first race in 2009 after many failed attempts.  I did take a four year break from them, but then the 6 foot siamese twin convinced me to try again.

Surprisingly, the swim is kicking my butt and I’m always sore the day of and the day after.  I missed one day on the bike.  And next time I’ll turn my watch on when I go the gym so that is captured. Tomorrow is a REST day and I plan to do just that. My legs are T-I-R-E-D! But look at my resting heart rate though.  That’s back to Ironman Training days already.  Should be interesting to see how much lower it gets.

I hope you all had  a great week as well and I hope you get tomorrow off (I don’t).

Ten days ago I had to kidnap @amft for a much needed brain break.  I did’t have to work really hard to get her to go.  I picked the spot, found us a no frills cabin and next thing I know she booked it.  I had picked Caddo Lake State Park hoping that we would get to canoe or kayak.  Known for Cypress Trees and Spanish moss, it’s the most beautiful in the spring and fall.  It’s the least spectacular in the winter months, but it still has a very surreal feel to it.

Unfortunately, Texas has had a stupid amount of rain in the past year and just a few days prior to arriving it rained and flooded the area pretty bad.  All the boat ramps were under water, and part of the park was closed.  So we found a local historic town and browsed through antique shops, visited the the great salt and pepper shaker museum also known as the Museum of Measurement and Time.  Very peculiar that it had more salt and pepper shakers than it had clocks etc.

We ate the most delicious Frito Pie and Cornbread. And then we headed back to the state park to go run their hiking trails and some of the hills inside the park.

Since we had pretty much done everything we could in the tiny town of Uncertain, TX I figured we would sleep in the next day and hit another state park on our way home.

We slept and then we had pie for breakfast. That was the best.

We packed up and headed to Tyler State Park.  We picked a couple of short trails to hike and spent a beautiful day exploring that park.  Their trails were also pretty flooded/muddy but we persevered.

All I asked for Christmas from my daughter was for her to take a few photos with me. On Christmas Eve she gave me my wish.

12 years ago during Spring Break, I had her with me at the studio. I set up a grey backdrop and put my camera on a timer and did a lot of running. To this day, those are some of my favorite photos

When I moved to the new house, I got rid of most of my photography equipment. Basically everything except my cameras and lenses. I had to buy a backdrop stand and a grey backdrop and realized it was the third time for me to purchase them. When I relocated back to Texas 14 years ago, I had moved in with my then fiancé,my now ex husband. I threw away all my photography equipment then and he told me not to throw away my dream. But I did. Then I started my photography business one year later. You think I’d learn. I won’t throw it away again.

She’s leaving me this year and we are both struggling with it more than we ever expected to. I truly will be an empty nester in every sense and it’s terrifying. I notice the silence now when she is not home and I think about how quiet my life is going to be with her gone. I want her to experience college and being on her own, I just don’t want her to be 8+ hours away. And suddenly she is realizing she is leaving and now fear is setting in. She’s going to be alone too. She feels an obligation to her grandfather and me. What if something happens while she is away? She wants to get out of this town and in the same breath she doesn’t want to leave.

Everyday I pass my bikes and think of that meme, “I wonder if my bike misses me too”?

I decided to start a zwift beginners training plan and it looked easy enough to me.  The first workout was only 30 minutes long and I thought that was a smart way to start.  30 minutes of intervals.  Can you pass out on a bike? I got super light headed during the hard efforts.  Nonetheless, I made it.  It would probably be worth doing my FTP test again because I’m especially wimpy right now.

Today is International Mountain Day and I’ve hiked a few of them.  This past summer the little athlete told me that was her last one.  I didn’t argue, I simply accepted three summits was more than most mother-daughter’s do. I was happy to have experienced those with her.  Then..... just this past weekend she says, “I think we should do another one this summer.  It’s our thing.  I hate waking up early.  The hike up sucks.  The top is amazing.  But I want to do it with you again.”

I’ve tried all week to post from my phone and have just decided my app hates me. 

Sunday started with a swim, a lite brunch, and my neighbor’s cow being born. And Texas Y’all! 

On Wednesday I hosted a random happy hour night that included @amft hugging the new 4 day old baby calf, Red.  

My nightstand tells an accurate story in the form of mugs. Wednesday night, Moscow Mule Mug.  Thursday night, hot tea mug.  Friday night, Pinterest concoction to feel better mug and all the kleenexes.  And St. Jude in the background because.... it can’t hurt.

Texas Sunsets may never get old.  In other news - everything is proving to be more complicated than I expected. And I mean EVERYTHING - from work to riding my bike, 

And to end on a positive note. I have been worried about a missing document at work that I could neither find a hardcopy of nor find a scanned document.  So I had to confess today because we were going to need it this week.  When I finally do, my boss says, “ that’s because I have it”

Almost 5 years ago to the day I met with THE divorce attorney in town. She isn’t pleasant or nice even when YOU are her client.  And NO ONE wants to be on the other side of her in court.  I tell her everything - what we own, our debt, the situation.  Because he wasn’t the Little Athlete’s dad there would be no custody arrangement and no child support. She looked at me and said these things.

1.Sell your building (where my photography studio was located).

2. Sell your house.

3. Get a job.

4. And be grateful you have photography in your back pocket because that is going to save you.

Of all those things she said, I listened to none of it.  And eventually I ended up doing all of it. My recent battle with anxiety has been financially driven.  In May when the little athlete graduates, my life changes. Since she was 4 I have received a monthly social security check as part of her survivor benefits.  That money has always been used to pay the house - wherever “the house” was.  I do not make enough money currently to remain in this house after she is done with high school and saving $400 a month by moving into an apartment doesn’t help much either.  I seriously envision me living in government housing and even then, that might be a stretch. I worry about it non-stop.  I am going to ask for a raise at work when my review comes up.  I’ve added Human Resources to my job description and that should equate to some extra money.  Again, I don’t think they’ll give me an $18k a year raise and so I go back to THE lawyer. I’ve been stuck in fear and if I don’t figure a way out of this it does not look good for me. So I go back THE lawyers advice.  “Photography is going to save you”.

All those external hard drives represent 9 years of photographs. I have older ones from when externals where bulky and needed their own power source. I started operation “Saved by Photography” yesterday.  I purchased a new website and business blog.  I updated my business name on facebook and I didn’t realize that when I did that it would take my business page out of hiding (I put it there years ago) and resurrected it. That meant all my old followers saw that I changed my business name and then the comments and private messages started.  The reason all those drives are on my bed is because people want their old photos. I ask them what year and I swear they are answering 2008 and 2009. It is extra money for me.  But hunting and searching through drives that haven’t powered up in years is a little nerve wracking.  I sit there and wait for the the drive to load - “Please Work.  PLEASE”.