I Don't Know What's Happening

"finally"

I've convinced myself Mac wasn't aware of his crush on Dennis until his dream in PTSDee. It's all in his eyes when Dennis first goes in to kiss him, even if it's only a moment concocted by Mac's unconscious mind. His eyes tell us everything.

So much is said in the way Mac looks at Dennis here. It's like something clicks. Dennis is holding onto Mac's face and Mac sinks into Dennis' touch, realizing this is something he has been wanting to experience for a while, even if he has not always been consciously aware of it. While I do believe Mac has had feelings for Dennis long before this dream, I don't think these feelings had ever been fully realized until now, even after coming out.

But then Mac wakes up from his dream as if it were a nightmare. It's as if the idea of having feelings for Dennis shocks him awake, causing him to gasp for air. He is being suffocated by his own realization.

He wakes up in bed with Dee and Old Black Man. This is how he knows he's no longer in a fantasy. In his dream, he was back at the apartment, waking up in his own room. He was back to living with Dennis, the pair of them alone together. Mac looks around for Dennis but finds that Dennis is not in bed. He gets up to search for Dennis, ultimately finding Dennis practicing his dance in Dee's living room, just like he had been doing in Mac's dream.

Mac watches Dennis dance, confused yet intrigued. It's like he's waiting to see what will happen, or more likely he's waiting to see if his dream will come true. Dennis dances towards Mac and throws his hands up on the doorframe. Mac's no longer looking at Dennis in confusion but rather in desire. He knows what he wants now. He knows he's always wanted it. Mac smiles when Dennis comes closer, evidently excited at the prospect that Dennis will make a move. He wants Dennis to kiss him.

He never makes a big deal out of it, he just slides them onto Jamie’s fingers. Doesn’t matter which finger but it always happens.

Jamie without fail no matter who he’s talking to will turn and smile at Roy and say yes every time.

It happens so much that the guys will pass over their straw papers some times if Roy’s rips.

Jamie has a shoe box full of all of them that Roy has ever given him.

There’s hundreds in there by the time Roy actually proposes.

When Roy asks him it’s with a gold ring, Jamie shrieks and digs through his wallet to find the first paper ring Roy ever made him.

He drops down to his knee and proposes right back at Roy.

Later back at their house Jamie pulls down the shoe box and hands it to Roy. In the middle of all the papers is an actual ring box.

iv ben drawing lots on set