Nothing wrong with a little fantasy

Like, if you can't tear yourself away from a video game, even to make it to an important event on time? Addictive tendencies.

If you keep spending your allowance money on those funny collectibles or new shoes even when you promise yourself you're going to save it? Addictive tendencies.

If you find yourself unable to resist and manage food cravings, or frequently overeating even when it makes you feel bad? Addictive tendencies.

Eating disorders are fun, because you have to confront them every day. No matter how many years you have of a reasonable relationship with food, all it takes is one bad day, and you’re right back in the middle of the unhealthy thoughts and the mean self talk and hating yourself for having a body.

And that’s… Really it? It’s all wrapped up in resenting that you’re a person with a body that requires you to feed it.

It’s so aggravating that I know, on a real and acknowledged level, that what I used to do to myself was Bad and Dangerous. I know that all the shitty things my brain is whispering are wrong and stupid and harmful. I know that my body, with all it’s faults and broken bits that hurt when it rains (or really just all the time), is a good body. It’s allowed me to have two amazing children, and lets me play with them and hug them and teach them things. It dances with varying degrees of silliness and absurdity and finesse.

I know I’m more than my physical appearance.

But it’s still so hard to ignore that stupid little voice somedays. To listen to Smart Rachael, who knows my body is fine and that I don’t need to be a size 6 again to be a worthwhile person, instead of Sick Rachael, who is pretty sure if I could get into 2015’s jeans, all the world’s problems would be solved.

So! If you need a pep-talk from Smart Rachael like I do:

Your body is a good body. It houses your sexy brain and your beautiful heart.

Your dress size is irrelevant to your worth.

You are lovely and amazing.