You know.. I have 2. For a while.. it was only one - in respect to the true definition of the word. At least as far as after my parents’ divorce is concerned. For a long time I resented my situation - or thought overall how lucky other people were who didn’t have to deal with the things that I did, having two men in my life in such a way. I’ve always worried who might walk me down the aisle, for instance. (Unrelated to this particular post - I have long since decided, that should I ever have a traditional wedding, I would have my mom give me away. It seems the only logical, and right thing to do in my heart).
But I have long battled feelings on many fronts regarding this circumstance. Is my stepdad’s sister referred to as “Richard’s sister” or “my aunt?” .. Little things like this - That mean a lot to me. & this is where I have landed (at least on this particular matter)...
My biological father’s siblings are my aunts and uncles - out of traditional familial respect. My stepdad’s siblings are my aunts (& uncles) - because they have been there. One is family by genetics, and the other is family (now, by law), mostly through involvement. I know them. I don’t know my aunts and uncles from my father’s family. These small things help to distinguish the differences and highlight the nuances of my relationships with both of these men.
But as for what has brought on this sudden bout of thoughtfulness, I shall now divulge. Tonight, Richard and I went out to dinner - mom is out of town visiting grandma. As usual, we discussed many things. Part of his latest trip to Mexico, me & my current fellow, my mom, my sister, my cousin (his nephew), my dad.. my graduation, etc. & in all this I couldn’t stop thinking...
How lucky, that I get two fathers. One that decided initially he wanted kids, & eventually dropped the ball for a while. (& though things are much better, & I am very grateful for that.. has never entirely picked it back up again). & one that CHOSE to take me (& my sister) on - as both emotional & financial burden(s).
How lucky, that the man my mom found, & fell in love with, fell in love with us just as much & has treated us as his own from day one?
We have had our ups and downs, as any family does. But it still bowls me over, that this man, complete stranger at one time, decided, that my sister and I were worthy of his time & effort, & most importantly, his love. He decided that he loved our mother enough to take on another man’s responsibilities as his own, and bear them proudly. He shows us off as though we were his from the start. & it’s not to show how he did the right thing, or one-upped my father. It simply, and truly, is because he loves us, & he wants everyone else to love us too. He shows us off not because he helped raise us, but because he is proud of who we are as individuals, regardless of any influence he has had (& he has had plenty).
How lucky, that I get two, of the one person most people only get one of? How lucky, that one man selflessly chose to pick up the other’s slack? & how lucky, that now my father & I have done a lot of repair work, that I have two men on which to rely, when the going gets tough? I can never quite put it into words.
Once upon a time.. I would have told you that maybe my parents divorce was one of the worst parts and times of my life. & indeed, it was a terrible time. But.. hindsight being what it is, I see now, that as dark as a storm can be ( & this was no picnic, to be sure) - a rainbow is often left in its wake. For whatever I may have lost, I gained back, in spades. I would be lying if I said I didn’t wonder what it would be like if he were mine from the start. I imagine those first 8 years would have been just as great, if not better. But I am thankful for the 20 we have had together, and look forward to all the rest. He says he will never forget the first time I grabbed his hand, and what that did to him. But it can’t possibly compare to all he has given me. Not being a parent myself, however, I guess I can’t ever really know.
A lot of unpleasant things have befallen several of the most important people in my life this year. & it has made me really count my blessings. The ones (blessings) I was always aware of, as well as those I never really realized. Before this year, I would probably have never considered my parents divorce a blessing. (Even if it was wearing one hell of a disguise). But today I can tell you, that their divorce, as well as moving in 2003 (which I have resented and hated so much), have turned out to be two of the greatest blessings in my life. Without these occurrences, which to me, initially, seemed like the end of the world, I would not be who I am today. I would not have had the influence of such a quality person (& the rest of his family) on my person, and subsequent life. & I certainly would not have met the people I so dearly refer to as my friends. Friends that have helped me through many less than stellar times, and have helped me enjoy the best of times even more.
A lot of people get one father. I have been blessed with two. & what makes the 2nd so much more special than the first, you ask? I wasn’t given to him. He chose me. He. Chose. Me. & continues to do so, every day.
If that isn’t a blessing, I don’t know what is. <3
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