A man just trying to get through life

Do I make fights and extra bullshit in my life just to even out all the pain?

People that will sit there and cry and say the loved one that has passed was depressed, nobody was there for them or wanted to help, ect. Well where were you? I'm sure that individual, in numerous ways would cry out for help. Would desperately seek attention just in order to bring themselves a little peace and sanity. Mental disorders of any kind are no joke, whether it be something from depression all the way to being addicted to something. So instead of waiting till that individual is gone, be there for them now, and perhaps save a life, or many. You never know what one person is capable of doing.

The funny things is, I created this in hopes it may help with what I have come to believe are mental disorders I am dealing with. However, I have come to the conclusion that honestly, nobody gives a fuck.. like if I post my heart and soul into something, nobody cares. But if I am giving something then all of a sudden people care. Like this post for example? Who honestly gives a fuck? 😂 My wife, the woman of my dreams, always says that I'm silly because I could just talk to her. But when I try, she even acts like it's non existent. So again, what's the point? 😂🤷🖕🎭

So I am sitting here helping my child with some school work I made for them And I thought to myself, I truly love them, but I believe if I were to get their mother(my wife) more situated, a house, vehicles, ect, I'd end myself. Is that selfish of me? I suffer from days of, well just my mind fucking with me is the only way to put it. I've wrote on here before about the whole paranoia and I think schizophrenic episodes. I can't afford to see a therapist obviously and I'm constantly feeling like I'm alone in this battle. Idk. Am I wrong? Just thoughts really. So don't freak out. Lol. Trust me, I love life, and live it. Enjoy the beach, all that jazz. But idk. Some days I wonder 🧐🤔😜😁😭😭🥰🤤🤤😶🙃🙃😅😁😝😴🫣