Vida and World

Mentally okay but physically dead

Physically okay but mentally dead

Enter Delilah I call her Delilah, but I have no idea what her actual name is. Here’s a crack addicted weirdo who for the past year or so has enjoyed standing on my stoop smoking her lovey drug of choice. When she’s feeling particularly friendly, she enjoys gathering the neighborhood’s rubbish and refuse for the purpose of shoving it through the mail slot in my door.

I got home one day a while ago and was greeted by her at my door step. I guess she was deeply engaged whatever existential ponderings a mind like hers could be pondering, because when I politely tapped her on the shoulder to ask her to make way, she flipped out and hit me twice in the chest and then left. I’m not one to lose my cool, so I didn’t retaliate. At least not violently.

Enter the air horn I bought an air horn a few days ago at the local dollar store and waited for her to materialize. Just a few hours ago, I got home to be greeted by Delilah, like so many times before. She didn’t impede my attempt to enter, but I noticed that she was up to her typical shenanigans again. When I entered the hallway, I found some previously enjoyed popsicle sticks, empty match books, and what appeared to be a vigorously used condom on the floor. Gross, I know.

Other fun things to do:

Handcuff your employees together and see who can free themselves first

Dramatic readings of “erotic fiction”