Inane Ramblings

Races - 

Bird - It’s a Bird.  What more do you want?  They can be adorable and fearsome.  Numerous different species of Birds exist and no two are 100% alike but they are pretty cool.  If you want more detail maybe look up “598” at your local library.

Abomination - This horror beast is not able to be described properly with words, so I won’t bother here.  I can only give vague estimates of how horrid and scary this creature would be.  Up to the individual to decide if an Abomination are not pleasing to their eyes

Animate Object - You know things that aren’t alive?  Yeah, those things.  What if those things were alive?  Not really, but more like how media would portray a “Ghost” being “Spooky” with the levitating and just kinda having words come from it.  Doesn’t need to eat, so it saves a lot on its food budget.

Nature Construct - You know things that are not Animals but are alive? Those things.  Strange properties exist about these beings, such as their ability to talk to other things in nature despite both parties not having mouths.  Also, can’t really die, just re-seed and being again.

Classes -

Bureaucromancer - A type of Caster who deals in Bureaucratic Agreements and signs Triplicate Forms to get anything accomplished.  A type of Business class. Not fun to be around. Usually has little to no friends.

Science Researcher - A book smart know-it-all who always has the right answer and is never done learning.  Studies things to Learn about them then Recall’s knowledge to help self and others later.  Not a big risk taker, unless a published paper or funding is on the line.

Jump and Shoot Dude - A nimble and graceful Acrobat, but only when in the air.  Also skilled is Projectile Launching, but must be in the air to do so. Generally likes to hang out in high places, just in case he needs a few more seconds of being airborne to pull off his greatest move yet.

Fitzard - A type of Caster whom is not so interested in “learning” or “being helpful” but more about being Buff and Shredded and then Punching Things Into Oblivion.  Getting big has it’s drawbacks, usually Charisma or Intelligence, but sometimes things like Luck or Survivability. Usually the first to get drunk at parties.

Liar - A charming rogue who would do anything to get what they want.  Using Deception and Dumb Luck they bumble through situations, that is until they come up short and/or are caught then they tend to do great at being Quick and Hiding.  Voted most likely to “not get voted for a most likely to do anything” in High School.

Cursed - A being of Sorrow and Pain.  Usually uses these things to Guilt others to accomplish bidding, but this leads to Relief, so they must keep the cyclical chain of events going by getting into danger.  The kind of friend who always tries to tell you how much things suck without ever doing anything about them.

     When I was a child I was fascinated by the concept of infinity.  I mean like I said it was my favorite “number”, which is humorous because I was both a child, age 7 or 8, thinking about complex non-real concepts and I was unable to understand fully what I was even thinking about.  I just knew I liked the idea of something so large I could spend forever and not even reach it by counting one at a time.  I don’t even know who brought it up or how I knew about it.  It might have been just there in my subconscious, floating around.  It might of been that I was raised Catholic and went to church every Sunday without fail, and in those Masses I definitely heard the term and being the curious child I asked what someones “Infinite Wisdom”  or “Infinite Power” were and someone tried to explain it to me.  But that doesn’t matter, the point is that infinity has left a mark on both my mind and shaped the course of my life.

As  I sit here writing the clock slowly ticks time and I feel lacking.  Not that I’m missing something but that I am unable to yet again grasp something that others around me seem to understand with ease. “ I don’t know how to live.” I think to my self, yet it’s not in the “How do I adult” way or “How do I act like I’m not a raving loon” sense either.  It is that I don’t know how to enjoy living.  I see a fault in everything around me, including myself, and I know that it is impossible to fix by myself or even that it might not be able to be fixed.  And I guess I am just a scared person, as I always have been but I’m not just scared, I’m angry that others fail to realize not only the little things but the grand scope.  By now you are thinking most likely one of two things, one, “I relate but where are you going with this?”  or two, “We get it your depressed and crazy move on,” as if only it was that simple.  Where I’m going is no where, and moving on is impossible for me,  I’m am a static point on an infinite time life of forever and I don’t know if I’m even human anymore. Am I no different than a rock? I mean, yes,  in a sense I’m moving from place to place and doing things but in the vast infinite timeline that stretches from point negative infinity to infinity I am so insignificant, what is that point.  Also I kinda see time in a different way but let me explain the reference I’m about to make for those who aren’t read up on the same exact list of books I’ve read.

In Kurt Vonnegut’s book “Slaughter House Five”  the main character at one point is abducted by aliens that see in the fourth dimension. And I know very little about science having to do with time and physics. So I could be totally wrong and we could have proof that this is not how it would work, but bear with me on my perhaps flawed logic and let me explain.  The aliens in question see the fourth dimension as a physical thing. Just was we perceive three dimensional objects.  You see time never goes away, just because it seems to pass to us, it does not really.  They see every moment in time and can visit it whether it has “happened” to us yet or not.  They see the end of the universe and know how “when” it will happen but they also realize that it is inevitable.  The end is always there and they don’t fight it.  They instead enjoy the moments they have as to them they last forever because since they are always there static and frozen.  This is how I feel, not as the aliens though, I feel as the human they are explaining this to, and everyone around me is the alien.  I can vaguely grasp what they are saying but I have no true way of ever fully seeing it the way they do. 

Because I have too much free time I wrote Doom fan-fiction.  Here is chapter 1.  Please, please, don’t enjoy.

Oh dove in a gilded cage

How you set my mind a rage

Just thinking of your beautiful song

Makes the urge of violence come along

But alas it was my fault not yours

That you broke my heart and caused it sores

I simply saw that you were caged and tried to set you free

But you did not want anything to do with me

You wanted someone to join you in niceties

But I was not willing to pay those fees

You wanted company

I gave you freedom

I gave you help

You saw no problem

You gave me freedom

And now I have pain

The sores that fester and eat

If we were to never meet

Would I be happier?

If I never knew you?

If I had been left alone?

Would you?

Would you have been happier without me in your life?

All the strife?

My complications and burdens I brought

Was there no other way out you sought?

I just wanted to be good and with you

Add you knew that...didn’t you?

You knew I cared, right?

That I was only giving you space so that you could grow

That you would not just be another seed your parents had sown

But a beautiful tree, powerful too unable to bend and break

I as doing it for your sake

Or is that something I must lie about?

So I don’t have another bout

In that cold place alone.

I thought you’d rather die than be home

But that cage you actualy love

And now you have a new handsome dove

And I have something as well,

So thank you I guess

You didn’t make things better you know,

I miss you so

I have so much to tell you

About life love and where we are all headed,

Where we should go and I want us all to go,

You me and our new things

In a far away place

Where there could be happiness

This is becoming less of a poem

And more of an open letter

I guess now I’m just jaded/

When my friends are too faded/

To understand me anymore/

Am I just sore?/

Unable to communicate my feelings, my dreams/

As I boil up my brain it steams/

Anger building as it crushes down/

and my optimism begins to drown/

I hate everything I write/

so why do I do it despite/

It seem like a waste to rhyme elegantly/

And speak ever so gently/

When I want to scream and shout/

And have a bout/

Til I’m a bloody mess/

with wounds to dress/

Then the story could have an end/

Scream softly into me/

Filled with the things I see/

Too much information overload/

Cracked inside but never showed/

Screaming bloody silence now/

He says “Suffer,” I ask “How?”/

Too loud now the noise it deafens/

I must take it as to learn my lessons/

I fought hard but it wasn’t enough/

I thought I was tougher stuff/

It seemed like the only cure/

But now I feel so unsure/

The violence rings out true/

It was all I could do/

So please forgive my sin/

But I don’t deserve to be let in/

My fault I am this way/

That’s all I can say/

I say that all but don’t believe/

And please don’t grieve/

It was all a trial and I am a failure/

So now as your feelings begin to stir/

Remember I wanted this/

Not to be missed/

No regret/

So it’s me you must let/

Scream softly/

Though it’s costly/

Your energy, your time, your life/

I’ll keep twisting that knife/

Shame you into being there/

To make you say you care/

But you don’t and neither do I/

So now please don’t cry/

And sit there as lie about/

How in my emotional drought/

You should have seen the pain/

More you wish you had brought the rain/

And washed me up on the shore in your arms/

But this note raised no alarm/

SO STOP LYING TO MY FACE/

MY MEMORY YOU DISGRACE/

OF HAPPY TALES YOU WEAVE/

AND YOU CONSOLE AND GRIEVE/

NOT ONE THING IS TRUE/

YOU SCREAM AND CRY THAT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU/

BUT IF IT’S SO TRUE/

THEN WHY WASN’T IT YOU/

YOU NEVER SUFFERED OR FELT/

YOU NEVER PRAY AS YOU KNELT/

TO BE TAKEN AWAY NO MATTER THE COST/

TO BE UPON THAT SEA CONFUSED AND LOST/

TO CRY OUT, TO BE IGNORED/

Then I heard back, my heart soared/

This was the answer finally/

It’s my heart darlin,

You’ve gone and broke that too

I’m a beast now snarlin

Now I must fix my heart thanks to you

Just one staple more and I’m through

Sick of the thought of you together

Gone insane thanks to you

Rainy mood is my weather

This pain I bear

Dying inside

Broken to bits

You’re now the devils bride

I see you two from my fits

Insanity rules here

and a life unfair

Let me disappear I hate you so much

my darling lady

I feel as such

A betrayal so shady

How could you do this to me

The hope and despair

Why bother if you won’t set me free

This is just not fair

You are no longer my dear

So go now

And don’t look back

Because I won’t allow

A verbal attack

Towards me

As I lay here

Tears in the seams

Where you hold our dreams

expose the little lies

when you look in my eyes

a world unknown

a mouth sown

shut up

just shut up

stop screaming at me

cease your speaking

your ignorance is seething

You consume and destroy

I was but a boy

now not a man

not sure what I am

certainly not normal anymore

you burnt me to the core

subtlety was never your style

not an inch but you take a mile

Light it up now

You know how

Toss your flame at my body

ignite me

The fire cleanses

Rotten to the core

Leave me wanting more

burn me one more time

these scars are mine

hidden under my sleeve

these thoughts never leave

feel so low

just want to say no no no

can’t speak the words though

feelings I can’t show

Cinders burn low in my chest

no longer doing my best

I just want to ignite

feel the spark, win the fight

light me up please

with relative ease

to begin again to feel

so don’t steal

my burning light

It hurts to burn

hard to discern

if I like it or not

It’s not what I thought

Please let me lie

let the flames fry

my mind and body

so my soul set free

meet my maker

judge me as a faker

send me down

in the flames I will drown

higher and higher they rise

I just want to shut my eyes

the horrors I live and see