puppy (professional)

DNI ☆ minors. i'll block if you're vague about your age (18+/age range/chronoadult is not an age) or you don't have it listed or you're an ed blog. i'm fat stop fucking following me

FLOWER ☆ you can call me iris, mommy or mama on this blog. it/its. freak & something worse than human. white tme. femme? asexual puppy badger angel mommy. @intradognition is my other blog. asks loved, returning anons welcome. dms ok, but don't expect a response unless you're a mutual. fun stuff + full taglist under the cut

TAGS ☆ #mama says is the general tag, #mama answers for asks, #mommy knows best for the content of substance. i tag the very rare discussion of weight with #weight cw, filter #book of pressed flowers if you don't want to see vents

ANONS ☆ chai, dove, max, cottontail, baja, 💝, 🌹, 🍃, 🐇, 🦊, 🩰, 🧃, 🎀, 🩵, 👁️

that means you can't do much when that weird new dog — who's way bigger than you, who smells funny, whose teeth are just a little too sharp — catches an attitude with mama. the chain slips from their hand when they turn around to grab something, and the look in that mutt's eye makes you want to turn tail and run.

no, i didn't kidnap you! what a rude thought. i adopted you from that sad little street corner you were lingering on, and gave you a nice, warm home. once you stop trying to bite mama's hands, then we can give you a warm bath, too.

firstly, it's very strange that you're being so hostile to someone who picked you up so gently from that sorry little place you were at. secondly, kidnapping implies personhood, which is silly! people don't have big, sad eyes like you, or cute little paws that shake whenever mommy puts you in the kennel.

you're not the first stray mommy's taken, sweetie, and you won't be the last. you all start out this way — ungrateful and hostile little wretches — but sooner or later, you'll realize that i've given you the biggest gift anyone could give a mutt like you. you'll warm up to mama, you'll love me, and you won't have a choice.