The Realist

Feelings are G A R B A G E

“Timing is a bitch” - Robin Scherbatsky

Catching yourself day dreaming (way too much) about all the dumb couply stuff you could do with the other person

Like caressing their cute lil face

Or running your fingers through their hair while they they on your chest

And wanting to kiss them

The butterflies in the tummy thing is ANNOYING

And it makes you wanna jump off a cliff

Wondering if they have the feelings

Trying to convince yourself that they CAN’T possibly.

And still thinking about them ALL THE FUCKING TIME

Oh did I mention TIMING IS A BITCH

INTJ: Deliberately went there to help themselves take over the world without anyone knowing.

INTP: Got sent there for doing unethical experiments in the name of science.

ENTJ: Is Satan.

ENTP: Was initially going to go to heaven but annoyed God by continually talking and debating pointless topics with Him.

INFJ: Came for the artistic inspiration, stayed to watch their enemies suffer.

INFP: Is in love with Satan, although this love is probably unrequited.

ENFJ: Came to attempt to convince Satan to cool down Hell, as it’s contributing global warming.

ENFP: Found heaven dull and limiting to their creativity.

ISTJ: Works diligently for Satan after becoming disillusioned with Heaven.

ISFJ: They were on the path to be in heaven but somehow screwed it up.

ESTJ: Too cold and calculating for heaven, so joined the like-minded people in Hell.

ESFJ: Hell is the new thing, everyone’s going there now!

ISTP: Wants to dethrone Satan and raise an army of demons in order to usurp God and become the supreme deity…but is procrastinating instead.

ISFP: Went out to dinner with Satan, and so was allowed into Hell.

ESTP: Just rode a motorcycle in.

ENTJ

Makes a big show out of threatening to destroy everything you love. 80% of the revenge plot is tied up in proving that they have the power to do this.  Doesn’t actually intend to put effort into destroying things, just wants to make you cry. And prove they’re superior.

INTJ

Revenge plot in progress.  No one else knows it’s happening.  INTJ is watching the ensuing chaos with glee that their enemies will never know who or what caused this disaster.  (Also gloating to themselves about how successful it was. Will probably gloat online later.)

ESFJ

Obsesses over their enemy and their offense. How dare they do that to me??? Furiously gossips or simmers over how terrible their offender is. Will act like an angel to their enemy’s face while trying to ruin their lives behind the scenes.

ISFJ

Someone finally pushed them too far.  However, they couldn’t come up with a revenge idea that was good enough, so they nurse the grudge and wait for an opportunity to get even to present itself.  You’ll never see it coming until…it does.

ENTP

It’s on their list of things to do….right now a sassy comeback is more than satisfactory. If they are royally pissed off they might try to ruin their enemy’s social standing but only stick with it for like… 4 days.

INTP

Hypothetically plotting revenge because they can, but has no enemies and no motivation to actually do it.

ESTJ

Doesn’t wait to plot revenge, who has time for that? Pounds their enemies at the time of the offense instead.  Does, however, know precisely who their enemies are.

ISTJ

Someone was rude to them, but they’re too good to take revenge themselves.  So they ponder and make lists of reasons that person will self-destruct, then sit back and watch and wait for it to happen.  Yes, it’s been years. They’re still convinced it’ll happen eventually.

ENFP

Has decided that revenge is petty and therefore beneath them…until someone really pisses them off.  Gets a high off of finding and planning a punishment that this person deserves – usually public humiliation where people find out how nasty their enemy is inside. 50/50 chance of them actually executing the plan in its full form, but manages to badmouth the offender to at least a few people before they cool down.

INFP

Oh yes indeed, they have plotted and executed revenge, and it was oh so sweet at the time. They felt totally vindicated.  However, now they have to live with overwhelming guilt at the thought that this person could have been redeemed….(in reality all they did was throw their hated coworkers sandwich in the trash).

ESTP

YES! REVENGE! That sounds awesome! Now everyone do as I say! Wait, where are you going? Probably just ends up punching the enemy in the face.

ISTP

Has a sneaky (and practical) murder plan in their head, and enjoys joking about the concept.  In reality just avoids everyone they don’t like, so they don’t have enemies.

ENFJ

Is very angry and wants to see this person suffer. Gathers friends or minions to support their plan, acts too quickly, their plan backfires, and they retreat with their tail between their legs.  Blames themselves later.

INFJ

Perfectly content to imagine their enemy burning in hell, in glorious detail.  Cools down a week later and suddenly feels guilty about enjoying their revenge daydream so much. No one knows.

ESFP

Makes an admirable effort, but they try to pull off too much by themselves.  Everything falls apart and they end up losing their cool and maniacally screaming and sobbing in their enemy’s face.  

ISFP

ESFP:

-tells what’s on their mind, but doesn’t want to hurt others.

- strong opinions about what’s right. Hates people who are damaging. Will rant about them for hours.

- super caring, and loving. But when In a serious mood, they are super logical and give the best advice.

- has so many friends it causes a ton of drama. Hates being in the middle of things.

- doesn’t really have an interest to art, but is jealous of the people who are good at it.

- hides many things, will tell you casually huge secrets after a while like it’s nothing. Or maybe they forgot to tell you, who knows.

ISFP:

-don’t get on their bad side, can’t stand assholes.

- if you hurt their friends, you better run.

- really kind, tries to be as nice as possible when you’ve done wrong if they care about you.

- artist a heart. Wants to travel to the tropics to paint the waves.

- a strong activist. Doesn’t give others who are hurtful to the environment much sympathy.

- will save every stray on the side of the road if they could.

INFP:

-the sweetest person I’ve ever met.

- tries to not hurt anyone ever. If someone they don’t like are being hurt, they don’t like it. Hates injustice.

- doesn’t speak at first, then tells you everything when you get to know them.

- loves animals, would run a farm for fun.

- daydreams about the future, making it as romantic and beautiful as possible. Probably with the new romantic interest they met a day ago.

- will give you the universe if you deserve it.

INTP:

- will warm up to you. Give it some time.

- doesn’t understand why friends are sad sometimes, but try their absolute hardest to help them.

- loves attention, but not when they’re stressed out.

- a leader, wants to win. Very competitive.

- talks a lot, and may accidentally say something hurtful, but when they realize it they will apologize like no tomorrow.

- artistic, but isn’t the most open about it. But when they are, they’ll be so proud about their work and love sharing it with friends.

INTJ:

- pretends to be “evil” for fun. Really a cinnamon roll.

- may take years to know their deep emotions because they don’t want to seem weak.

- has their own little circle they will always protect.

- loves to think about the future and the success they plan to get. Thinks through every possible problem.

- likes to be alone, but super clingy at the same time. Won’t let you leave if they love you.

- 100% plans to be a millionaire. Will share their future mansion with their friends. But, will want a whole wing to themselves.

ENTP:

-has 5000 memes on their phone.

- emotional but doesn’t show it. Trusts only a few people, and when they’re done wrong they never forget.

- have tons of random facts. Always searching up the weirdest things.

- craves attention, but don’t overwhelm them.

- honest, but not rude. Very good at nice crossing the line between constructive criticism and blunt rudeness.

- sarcastic and sassy, will make memes out of you.

INFJ:

-the brightest smile ever.

- doesn’t like to argue. Finds it useless and is mostly in the middle when their friends are fighting.

- doodles in class but still manages to ace the class.

- has their group that loves with their whole heart.

- helps others when they can. Gives great advice.

- will find a way to make you laugh.

ISTP:

- a leader. Will find a way to get through anything.

- cheers you on even if you don’t really know them. 100% a team player.

- nothing seems to bother them, they easily brush it off and go to the next thing.

- music > socializing. Don’t bug them when they have their headphones in.

- will come up to you and talk to you. Don’t force it.

- tells you how to get better, and will motivate you. Never wants to be rude, but sometimes the truth needs to be told.

ENFP:

-will talk to you about anything. Pick a random subject and they’ll have something to say.

- don’t get them angry. Tries not to blow up but when pushed off the edge will tell you exactly what you did wrong. Regrets it afterwards.

- randomly disappears off the face of the world. Will return. Don’t worry.

- either really sad, or jumping off the walls. No inbetween.

- will give you anything until you prove you don’t deserve it.

INTP *suddenly*: If you were to get rid of a portion of the population, how would you do it? How would you decide who goes?

ISTJ: Woah. Uh… why??

INTP: It’s interesting to hear others’ answers. I wrote a short story on the question last year… so how?

ISTJ: Anything I say will sound bad.

INTP: There was a rainbow earlier you missed.

ISTJ: Hm ;) I’m looking at one now~

INTP: Hm. I’m a spectrum of light?

ENTP

“You need to think faster”

“But you can’t be sure tho”

“Let me just explain how fucking ridiculous you are”

“Stop whining I can’t hear you talk”

“Yes I definitely think that I’m an emphatetic person I just don’t like people being such donkeys all the time”

“Well yes maybe you could call me an asshole”

ENTJ

“You can’t say that.”

“Stop fucking complaining or this will never get ready”

“Do I really need to do everything alone?”

“Then I’ll just hold two birthday parties for me”

“I will take care of it!”

“I just can’t help my greatness.”

INTJ

“Look at my notes! Aren’t they perfect?”

“Haha people are just so dumb!”

“When I’m a psychiatrist and live alone in my own castle…”

“That’s just so wrong. I can’t even explain how wrong it is.”

INTP

“I just hope that that person gets hit by a bus. And gets quadriplegia.”

“Even the thought of some superious being watching us all the time is so idiotic”

“I hate you all.”

“We should conquer this whole country. I know excatly how.”

INFP

“Nobody understands me”

“Why doensn’t anyone else like this *special snowflake thing* I adore?”

“It’s not important…”

“HECKLE YEAH”

“They’re just so adorable!!”

ENFP

“Oh gosh why do I know that person? And that person? Why do I know everyone?”

“I don’t really like that person. You ask why? "They’re just… how do I say this politely? Bastard.”

“Oh why haven’t I ate in three days? I just forgot I guess”

“Why on earth am I so depressed?”

ENFJ

“Now everybody will do excatly what I tell them to!!”

“Yes I have a lot of friends”

“No ofcourse I’m not bossy. Everyone should just do excatly what I tell them to do and what I planned but in their own way”

“Well it might not go one to one with science but I feel like it still is true”

INFJ

“Yes I am an introvert. I just happen to be loud sometimes”

“I know the feeling”

“Well, actually….”

“Ugh people are just morons. I hate people! Or no I don’t… atleast fully… I guess…”

“I’m sorry for saying that”

“No I’m not a perfectionist I just want to be the very best atleast in this one thing”

“Yeah I’m not going to tell you about that.” *tells about it*

INFP:

ENFP:

ISFP:

ESFP:

ISFJ:

ESFJ:

INFJ:

ENFJ:

INTP:

ENTP:

ESTJ:

ISTJ:

ESTP:

ISTP:

ENTJ:

INTJ:

ISFJ: A mixtape with some 80′s songs, and it’ll always add a small touch of a different note to the song.

ISFP: A paint palette that’ll always give you the right colors you need.

ESFJ: A sweatshirt that’ll thicken to your temperature needs.

ESFP: A super sparkly disco ball. Woo!

ISTJ: A calculator that also tells you what to calculate.

ISTP: A pair of self darkening glasses that’ll also polarize if you want ‘em to.

ESTJ: A binder that will never break or rip your papers.

ESTP: A polaroid camera that makes its own unique filtered film.

INFJ: An old book that turns its own pages for the lazy peeps.

INFP: A notebook that writes sweet messages to you and helps you solve problems you vent about.

ENFJ: A podium that helps you gain confidence.

ENFP: A possessed t-shirt that shows a new message everyday.

INTJ: A computer that fixes your grammatical errors and spelling mistakes.

INTP: A Ticonderoga no. 2 pencil that gives you ideas.

ENTJ: A smartboard with automatic flipping to the next slide when you’ve finished the slide.

ENTP: An app that gets into arguments with you when you’re bored.

INTP- Mad Scientist -  An insane or highly eccentric scientist, often villainous or amoral

ENTP- Sinnekins -  Pairs of devilish characters who exert their perfidious influence on the main character

INTJ- Elderly Martial Arts Master - A wise, powerful man teaching his powerful craft to a young student, often needs to be avenged

ENTJ- Battle-axe - An old,domineering, brash and brazen woman

ISTP- Hotshot -  A reckless character known for taking risks

ESTP- Miles Gloriosus - A boastful soldier from the comic theatre of ancient Rome

ISTJ- Dark Lord - An evil, very powerful, often godlike or near-immortal sorcerer

ESTJ-  Rightful King - A usurped, just ruler whose return or triumph restores peace

INFP- Tragic Hero - A hero with a major flaw that leads to his or her eventual death and downfall

ENFP- Swashbuckler -  A joyful, noisy, and boastful Renaissance era swordsman or pirate

INFJ- Knight-errant - A noble Knight on a Quest

ENFJ- Grande dame -  French for “great lady”; a flamboyant woman, prone to extravagant and eccentric fashion; usually a stereotype of an elderly high society; a socialite

ISFP- Noble Savage - An idealized indigene or otherwise wild outsider with noble characteristics

ESFP- Soubrette - A character who is vain, girlish, mischievous, lighthearted, coquettish, and gossipy

ISFJ- Yokel - An unsophisticated country person

ESFJ- Farmer’s Daughter - A desirable and naive young woman, also described as being an “open-air type” and “public-spirited”

INTP: *designed the scenario… which includes the zombie outbreak, an alien invasion, and of course, nukes*

ENTP: *trying to play as a double agent but the problem is no one will trust them because they’re acting way too suspiciously*

ISFJ: *Sends their allies 500 boxes of cookies for food supplies*

ESFJ: *giving a motivational speech about ending poverty*

ISFP: *Trying to bribe everyone with promises of world peace*

ESFP: NUKE EVERONE!!

INFJ: WHAT IS THIS CHAOS?! INTP WHAT THE HECK DID YOU PLAN?

ENFJ: *Just wants to be friends with every single other country*

ISTP: *formed alliances with a bunch of people and then broke them like 0.2 seconds later because it was convenient*

ESTP: I declare war on EVERYBODY! FIGHT ME

INTJ: *trying to secretly take over the world* (as per usual)

ENTJ: *is the moderator, so they technically control everything. Mwhaha*

INFP: *wasn’t paying attention and just said “yes” when asked a question by ESTP and now they’re suddenly in war against everybody else*

ENFP: My country consists of only me and 5642 dogs and you can’t tell me otherwise!

ISTJ: My plan is the best plan, the only plan, seriously I’m telling you… 

ESTJ: WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE JUST FOLLOW THE RULES?! AHH