Functions, not dichotomies

INTJ- They will claim to have the hardest exterior of any other type, but in reality can be offended by almost anything.

INTP- They love chilling in the dark or very low light environments more than most.

ENTJ- They have a sense of style and general presence that just comes off so put-together, no matter how they are doing internally.

ENTP- They joke about committing obscene crimes a little too much, particularly arson.

INFJ- They, at one point or another, went through an emo or some sort of alternative phase.

INFP- They probably think they aren’t very popular, but actually are very well-liked. 

ENFJ- They are very expressive when they talk and also probably have a catch phrase they say way too much.

ENFP- They will just randomly start singing for no reason at all.

ISTJ- They will have a creative outlet of some kind, usually something that takes a lot of technical skill.

ISFJ- They have an uncanny ability at finding things that are lost.

ESTJ- They will claim they hate kids in early adulthood, but 100% will still end up having them and loving them more than anything.

ESFJ- They have a very strong signature scent they always carry around. It’s rarely bad, but definitely noticeable.

ISTP- They are extremely good at using sarcasm to the point where even when you know them well, you will not be able to tell if they are joking sometimes.

ISFP- They love “fun” socks and probably wear a mismatched pair more often than a matching one.

ESTP- They enjoy having a way of connecting spiritually through the physical world such as meditation, yoga, or just basking in nature.

Going completely insane: ESTP, ESFP, ENTJ

Bummed, but taking advantage of the time: ISFJ, ESFJ, ENFJ, ISTJ, ESTJ

Going between being super productive and super lazy with no middle ground: INFP, ENFP, INFJ, ENTP, ISFP

Okay you’re mad .

Enneatype 1

Children with the One pattern try hard to be good. They have an unconscious feeling of needing to justify their existence. They became their own disciplinarians and often the discipliner of other siblings.

One or all authority figures are either inadequate, not present, or too demanding and punitive. When the parent is not present, they decide to make their own rules and moral code. When the parent is too punitive, they internalize these rules.

They feel deep guilt, intrinsic inner flaw, and try to cover it up with an identity of being good and responsible. They can perceive others as having less integrity, being lazy and messy.

Enneatype 2

Children with the Two pattern learn to put other’s needs first - to give in order to receive - and that love must be earned. They try to read the needs in the family and see how they could fulfill them.

They often learn to please the opposite sex parent and this becomes a special relationship, which causes a difficult relationship with the same sex parent. It also leads to a triangulation, which is often carried out in adulthood.

Enneatype 3

Children with the Three pattern do not feel valued for themselves. They get praise for what they do and become productive to get this praise.

They often unconsciously adapt themselves to become what the nurturer wants them to be. They often pursue a career that may make their nurturer proud of them.

They have a deep feeling of shallowness and deceit, their insides do not match the image they have created.

Enneatype 4

Children with the Four pattern feel different than their parents. They believe they are not seen by their parents.

There is the feeling that they were kicked out of the nest because there is something tragically wrong with them. Often there is some event that changes the family structure and stands out as the event that changed everything.

Some remember a time when everything was wonderful and a moment when they were rejected for no apparent reason. They spend their childhood trying to regain love by being special.

Enneatype 5

Children with the Five pattern feel unsafe in their families. They experience their families as intrusive and overwhelming. There is no privacy, no where to hide except in their minds.

They experience the emotional needs and expression of their parents as invasive. Some create an inner fantasy world.

Enneatype 6

Children with the Six pattern experience their parents as inadequate and unable to protect or care for them well. Early in childhood they feel safe, as they get older something happens that makes them perceive their parents as inadequate.

Usually this occurs during the phase of separating when they need a strong parental figure to show them what is and isn’t safe about the world. At this time they experience parent(s) as inadequate - absent, unavailable, weak, etc.

Enneatype 7

Children with the Seven pattern feel cut off from the nurturer, causing frustration and anxiety. They feel there was not enough love for them in the family.

Sometimes there is someone needier who requires more attention. Sometimes the nurturer is distracted by emotional pain to give to all the children.

Their role is to be positive, not need much, and help everyone be happier, particularly the nurturer. As adults they often have a close bond with their mothers.

Enneatype 8

Children with the Eight pattern grow up quickly for a variety of reasons. There is violence in the family or around the family. The protector is missing and they must protect and provide for the family at a young age.

They survive in bad neighborhoods - survival issues are important. It is not safe to be gentle or giving, that seems weak and soft. They feel rejected/betrayed and learn to be tough.

Enneatype 9

Children with the Nine pattern feel overwhelmed by their families. They try to disappear and/or make peace. They dissociate from drama by becoming invisible or mediating.

Se

Taking notes of information from the immediate environment and the current objective sensory experience in this environment as it is without judgment

e.g. Se takes note of a cup sitting on the floor; the cup is empty; the cup is blue and round; the cup is usually used for drinking water but now it’s empty

Si

Processing incoming sensory information and relating to it through the lens of subjective experience based on personal memories, past experiences, and how the immediate environment should fit into the preconstructed picture of the present moment

e.g. Si notices a cup on the floor; it’s empty and not being used; an unused cup is normally cleaned up stored in that cupboard above the kitchen sink - where it should be; the cup should have been in the cupboard and not on the floor right now

istp: are there any animals you hate?

If you want to read the funny version, click here.

Enneagram 1:

Sp: I have to be perfect

Sx: You have to be perfect

So: I am perfect

Enneagram 2:

Sp: If I am cute and innocent, will you love me then?

Sx: If I am hot and seductive, will you love me then?

So: If I help you out, will you love me then?

Enneagram 3:

Sp: I don’t need you to applaud my success

Sx: The right people have to applaud my success

So: I live for the applause

Enneagram 4:

Sp: I must suffer in silence

Sx: If I have to suffer, you have to suffer

So: I suffer too much

Enneagram 5

Sp: Let me stay in my own world

Sx: Let me show you my own world

So: Let me observe your world

Enneagram 6

Sp: I overcome fear by sticking to the rules

Sx: I overcome fear by facing my fears

So: I overcome fear by upholding status quo

Enneagram 7

Sp: Fun is where it’s most intense

Sx: Fun is where I haven’t been before

So: I must sacrifice fun for the greater good

Enneagram 8

Sp: It’s me and my people against the world

Sx: I must control others to control the world

So: I must lead the world to a better place

Enneagram 9

Sp: I must nurture myself to find peace

Sx: I must nurture my intimates to find peace

1.      Desires and Fears

1s desire perfection and fear unworthiness

2s desire love and fear abandonment

3s desire success and fear failure

4s desire specialness and fear normalcy

5s desire knowledge and fear incapability

6s desire security and fear instability

7s desire stimulation and fear entrapment

8s desire autonomy and fear enslavement

9s desire peace and fear disruption

2.      Order

The first fear and desire are those of your core type

This is followed by your wing

Then by your first fix

Then by your second fix

Then by your first fix’s wing

Then by your second fix’s wing

3.      Instinctual Variants’ Effect

Sp 1 turns its critical eye towards itself and thinks itself is in need of perfection.

So 1 upholds itself as a banner of virtue for others to follow as a mentor.

Sx 1 turns its critical heat and anger towards the outside world and thinks the outside world is in need of perfection.

Sp 2 acts in a childlike fashion to endear other to it.

So 2 helps the broader environment and takes on tasks to endear itself to others.

Sx 2 seduces an individual with a special relationship to endear itself to that person.

Sp 3 acts against vanity and overfocuses on its work and letting it speak for itself.

So 3 focuses on networking and presenting its polished image to as many people as possible.

Sx 3 tries to live up to a masculine or feminine ideal and make a strong attractive impression on others.

Sp 4 acts stoically and focuses on suffering in silence.

So 4 chronically compares itself to others to develop its identity.

Sx 4 focuses on sharing its powerful personal experience with others through emotional rawness and aggressive honesty.

Sp 5 focuses on hobbies and a safe space they can retreat to.

So 5 plays an advisor role to others and collects helpful information.

Sx 5 collects darker information and shares secrets or interesting information as a method of connection.

Sp 6 focuses on material safety and obsesses over details to keep itself secure.

So 6 ties itself to systems, organizations, and social roles to keep itself secure.

Sx 6 desperately ties itself to ideals of strength and bravery to keep itself secure.

Sp 7 focuses on lifestyle and personal, often permanent, pleasures (nice houses, fast cars, sex, etc.) as opposed to outside stimulation.

So 7 focuses on a utopian and idealistic image of the future and gives to others in the optimistic assumption they will give back.

Sx 7 focuses on new and sensational ideas and distractions with a focus on fresh experience.

Sp 8 acts as a survivalist and gathers the resources it needs to exist entirely independent of others.

So 8 acts as a protector to those around it and tries to remain powerful by shielding those less powerful.

Sx 8 acts in direct rebellion and emotional rawness against others, testing itself against others to find an ideal partner strong enough to surrender (often this search is unconscious.)

Sp 9 focuses on gathering resources so that it can remain stationary and uninvolved.

So 9 acts as an active peacemaker and works towards helping others to avoid conflict.

Sx 9 searches for an ideal partner to remain in stasis with, who will not disturb them or have conflict with them.

4.      Example

My friend is a 3w4 7w8 1w2 sx/sp

His core desires go:

Success>specialness>stimulation>perfection>autonomy>love

His core fears go:

Failure>normalcy>entrapment>unworthiness>enslavement>abandonment

His 3 is attractiveness focused with a side of work focus.

His 7 is fresh experience focused with a side of lifestyle focus.

His 1 is zeal focused with a side of self-criticism focus.

5.      Making the connections

This is a more intuitive (not iNtuitive) process. Make the connections from the basic core fear and desire (example: the core fear of failure feeds into all these other fears as a root cause and all these other fears in combination feed these behaviors)

Look at how the single core fear plays into every other behavior at play and every other fear at play. Flavor each attitude and behavior and fear based on every other factor.

One - The Need to be Perfect

Two - The Need to be Needed

Three - The Need to Succeed

Four - The Need to be Special / Unique

Five  - The Need to Understand

Six - The Need for Certainty

Seven - The Need to Avoid Pain

Eight - The Need to Be Against

1 - If you are a perfectionist, you are a 1 is incorrect. Various types seek perfection. Perfectionism is a small part of the 1. A better focus might be on the 1′s instant ability to see how a better version of this person / object / creation exists and the desire to push it to that state; the repression of anger (anger is bad / inappropriate) and a strong sense of moral idealism.

2 - That you are only kind because you want love is also incorrect. Many 2s would help out a total stranger who will never return their affection, and they are not seeking a “thank you” either – 2s are helpful because they feel compelled to be helpful, because good / compassionate people are helpful, because others need someone to intervene on their behalf.

3 - That they are all about obtaining high status or being “fake.” That is part of what drives some 3s, but not all of them – many 3s consider being too attention-seeking to be distasteful; they know what people think of them, and want to make that impression favorable; they are not “fake,” just able to quickly take in the environment and adapt to it, in order to make others respond better to them by “being on their level” (this can even include subconscious shifts in their accent or vernacular).

4 - That they are special and/or the most creative type. That is incorrect. The 4 does not want to be special, they actually feel they are defective and that their brokenness is all they have, so they make that / their emotions the focus of their attention; they feel like a misunderstood outcast, and it hurts them not to be “normal.” Their creativity is deep, yes, but is specifically a way they work through their issues – it’s how they explore their emotions, unlike the creativity of the other Enneagram types. The 4 self-reveals and self-expresses through art and cannot move on from their feelings until they have explored them fully.

5 - That they are the type most interested in learning for its own sake. This is both true and untrue – the 5 learns all it can, but out of a fear that not knowing it would put them at a disadvantage in some way; the stereotypes that 5s are the bookworms cause many to mistype as 5. 5 is actually afraid to engage with other people in case they are too much of a drain on the 5′s limited physical, emotional, etc, resources. 5s are selfish in that they find it hard to “give” – they would rather just “take” – take it all in, take all the information, take a sideline role in life and just observe from a distance rather than engage.

6 - They are the paranoid people with a bunker in the basement, positive the government is listening to their phone calls. No, the 6 suffers from a lack of self-faith – and if they cannot trust themselves to be completely certain all the time, how can anyone else be certain all the time either? The 6 must doubt, and question, and pull apart, and challenge in order to test things, to find someone or something in which to put their faith. What they choose differs between the 6 – faith, science, logic. 6s also find it easy to connect to and have empathy for others, making them naturally likable.

7 - That they are the most fun, popular type but ultimately flakes. The 7 does have the biggest ability to bring others joy, but at the cost of refusing to face the dark side of life – they are afraid of looking at their own demons. So they run away from anything hard, because of the deep emotions they do not want to deal with. The 7 can be a flake, or they can stand by their commitment, but they are not a desirable type – they have their flaws just like the rest, and being happy / funny / outgoing does not automatically make you a 7.

8 - They are all assholes. No, they are not. There are 8s who stand up to bullies, and there are 8s who are bullies. There are 8s who don’t seem like 8s, because they do not seem argumentative enough – but being an 8 is about being aware of power dynamics and where they stand. The average 8 will not put up with nonsense, but is also rational in sensing who has the power / authority in the situation and knowing which battles to choose. They simply apply pressure and keep pushing to get their way. (A lot of “8s” are counter-phobic 6s who feel a need to prove themselves; the 8 has nothing to prove.)

9 - The nicest Enneagram number is the stereotype; in reality, 9s often suffer from unresolved anger, resentment at being habitually taken advantage of due to putting aside / denying their own needs, stubbornness and a refusal to change, and frequently adopt passive-aggressive methods to express their feelings indirectly, rather than allowing themselves to just express their anger.

Looking at the motives is essential, and each person needs to also think about moving toward their “better” self.

1 - letting go of the need to be above moral reproach; 2 - allowing oneself to have and express needs to others; 3 - allowing oneself time off work without feeling worthless; 4 - recognizing emotional overreactions and moving past them; 5 - learning to give of self / emotions / time rather than just take; 6 - learning to trust one’s own mind and conclusions; 7 - learning to slow down and commit rather than avoid; 8 - learning to soften, embrace emotions rather than think of them as weakness; 9 - learning to assert oneself / consider that your needs sometimes need to come first.