In the Cold Desert

I wrote a poem about it, and then threw it away, because that’s the last thing I need right now: More words dedicated to people who will never dedicate a single thing to me.

At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

What if all women were bigger and stronger than you and thought they were smarter What if women were the ones who started wars What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis What if every time women saw you they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes What if you had to explain what’s wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons What if men’s magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: “How to tell if your wife is unfaithful” or “What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate” or “The truth about impotence” What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you “Honey” What if you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job What if you couldn’t get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them.

marry me. let’s spend our week nights eating cereal on the floor when there is a perfectly fine table behind us. we can go to the movies and sit in the back row just to make out like kids falling in love for the first time. marry me. we’ll paint the rooms of our house and get more paint on us than the walls. we can hold hands and go to parties we end up ditching to drink wine out of the bottle in the bathtub. marry me. and slow dance with me in our bedroom with an unmade bed and candles on the nightstand. let me love you forever. marry me.

"Nothing can wear you out like caring about people"

You’ll meet her. She’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her.

“I want to be with someone who, 10 years from now, makes my heart jump when I hear her key in the door.”

what i never  learned  from my mother was that just because someone desires you. does  not mean they value you. desire is the kind of thing that eats you and leaves you starving.

I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.