Life is Great

UNC rape survivor Delaney Robinson comes forward with brave statement

Not when used as a self-identification, and not when used as an umbrella term within the community, at least.

See, here’s the thing: The most common identifier used by bi, pan, and trans people to describe their sexuality? Queer.

Given that multiple studies have shown that bi people alone comprise about half the community, that makes it by far the most common term we use to describe ourselves.

What’s more, it’s not just an identifier: it’s a rallying cry. It’s a banner the whole community has assembled under forever. “We’re here, we’re queer” is a cliché for a reason. It’s a statement of power, and of pride - yes, we’re weird. We don’t fit into the “acceptable” categories cisheteronormative society gives us. And that’s a good thing. It’s a call to demolish those “acceptable” boxes, to build a world we’re all part of.

Its rejection is a relatively recent move by the same homonationalism that brought us “Bi people don’t belong,” the thrilling sequel “Trans people don’t belong,” and the stunning conclusion “Ace people don’t belong.” It’s a deliberate strategy employed by respectability politicians seeking a seat at the table - taking the work we’ve put in and distancing themselves from us so they can tell the straights “We deserve your respect because we’re just like you! We even hate queers!”

(And don’t think it’s a coincidence that the community suddenly forgot the massive, massive overlap between “queer” and “poly” when building the very self-conscious image of two clean-cut upper-middle-class smiling young professional men or women either. Anything that wasn’t “respectable” enough had to go. My deepest thanks to the person who pointed this out.)

In the rush for our place in an oppressive hell, we’ve lost our revolutionary edge, lost our fire, and lost a lot of what drove us in the first place. Fuck. That.

I’ve never seen “q slur” used before Tumblr, and even that only in the last maybe two years. I’m not playing the whole “you kids turn everything into a trigger” game, that’s not the point. My point is that almost uniformly older LGBTQ+ people on this website associate “queer” with empowerment, and it’s teenagers and early 20-somethings (who are almost the same age group as me, I’m 27) constructing this idea that it has always only been a slur, that it’s more prevalent than any other slurs still in use, and that this is somehow the “historically correct” view of the term and everyone using queer is ignorant of history. Which is just not true.

So anyway, here are some great functions of “queer” that aren’t replicated by any other term:

1) Wide relevance. Queer can be related to gender, sexuality, or both.

2) Opacity. It can be a stand-in for some other term (gay, bisexual, trans, etc), or it can actually mean something else altogether! Something that isn’t fully covered by any of those categories!

3) Queer could, therefore, actually function as an umbrella term (yeah, I know I can’t get away with that in the present climate, thanks for that). Calling everything gay, as has become the norm on Tumblr, isn’t only sticking it to The Straights ™; it’s also sticking it to all the LGBTQ+ people who don’t identify as gay specifically (not to mention straight trans people), and who never see ourselves brought up in casual conversation anymore. It’s back to “gay rights” style language.

And you know what, of course it is, because “LGBTQ+” and other versions of the abbreviation aren’t catchy. “Gay” is catchy. “Queer” is catchy. But for some reason, gee I wonder why it could be, “the community” has decided to eliminate precisely the term that does actually by default encompass a wide range of identities. And replace it with one that again gives primacy to “gay” as the default descriptor, as if the rest of us just don’t matter or should be happy with being “obliquely included” (that is to say, erased). We’ve come up with all this specialized terminology for gender and sexuality, but when it comes to being actually talked about aside from specifically describing yourself in an intro to your blog, it’s underused.

I could go on about how targeting “queer” disproportionately affects MGA and trans/nb people, including people with multiple marginalizations, who especially are likely to have a problem with all these discrete one-dimensional categories and feel that “queer” expresses something the other terms can’t. But that’s already covered in the OP under good old respectability politics.

Possibly more Laura background??

*THE TWO L WORDS WILL BE USED??*

Mattie has returned from the dead to snatch the fuck out of my edges

HOLLSTEIN KISSES & LAP-SITTING

*Carmilla fight-scene w/ Danny preferably 

NATASHA IN A FUCKING CHOKER DEAR LORD CHRIST JESUS

Binge watching made easier with different episode release tactic

Dean!Perry

Kirsch???

Highest quality season

Natasha’s favourite season so far

Elise’s straight hair

BTS content

More guest appearances of Natasha’s mic *personal fave

Laferry??!

Catmilla?!?!

GAYNESS AT AN ALL TIME HIGH

CARMILLA SEASON 3 I AM READY

In 2012, I got very sick. The details don’t matter. What matters is: I lost a lot of weight. The body I was used to having changed drastically, by a lot of pounds.

I was sick. But the people around me started commenting on my new look with glee. They’d say things like, “You look amazing. What are you doing?” or “Have you lost weight?” with excitement in their tone instead of worry. I wanted to reply, “Thank you. I am very sick.” And sometimes I did say that. People did not like when I said that.

Eventually I got better, but the weight stayed gone. I thought maybe this was just my new body. Maybe the illness had brought me to how I was supposed to look forever. Cool. Okay.

About six months ago, I started appearing on camera regularly for my job. I also started going in to an office every day where there was breakfast and lunch and snacks and more food than I could usually afford. I had a regular paycheck. I could buy three meals a day. This seemed like a very nice upgrade.

I get mean comments more than maybe anyone at my work. I am outspoken and opinionated. I get called a “cunt” or a “feminazi” or a “bitch” or a “slut” all the time. I am those things (well, feminIST) and I don’t consider them bad. I also get called “unfunny,” but that never bothers me because I know that’s just untrue. I am very funny. That’s a fact.

But in the last couple months, I’ve been getting something new: Strangers online commenting on my weight.

I have gained weight. I have a small stomach I did not have when I started this job. I am also on camera to an audience of millions almost every single day. That is my living. I can not say, “Hey, bosses. I am feeling fat today and don’t want to do my job. Is that cool?” I also can not say, “Hey, can we use a different take of that last shot? My stomach is showing in a way I don’t like” because well, what if that shot is the funniest take? Is it worth it to lose the best joke because someone might comment that I look pregnant? I don’t think it is. And so I let funny videos go up where I look less than perfect. Oh well.

The other thing is: I’m not overweight. BUT my stomach isn’t flat (yep, you got me!) and that seems to be what the commenters are noticing.

I texted this to my friend Liz on Saturday, prefacing the conversation with “I know this is ridiculous. I know it is. Bear with me.” I also wasn’t sure I even wanted to acknowledge any of it because well, if I let them know they’re getting to me then don’t they win? Call me a cunt, call me a bitch, fine. But all of a sudden, commenters think I’ve gained weight and that’s what makes me sad? Surely I’m better than that. 

But does staying silent on how women are treated on YouTube help anyone? Say something and open the floodgates. Be silent and be further isolated. I felt ashamed to let anyone know that I was vulnerable. And isn’t that what they really want?

The thing for a friend to say here, according to movies and TV, is “Babe! You are not gaining weight!” but the truth is, I have. Maybe just a little, but enough for an audience to notice that a “skinny” girl has a pooch stomach. Sound the alarm.  

What about living in the “public eye” means that if you don’t have abs, your body is up for debate by strangers? What about women on YouTube who are just trying to make comedy or music or make-up vlogs or whatever their thing is and they also deal with commenters who only want to discuss their bodies? What about them? What about the women on YouTube who are technically overweight and the abuse they deal with for daring to exist? What about all of us who have bodies that are not “up to par” whatever the fuck “par” is?

I’m not supposed to care. I am Gaby. I am a personified middle finger. I say FUCK YOU to beauty standards and to body image bullshit and I’m a feminist and I dress weird and I shave my head and I have imperfect skin that I don’t always cover up in videos and yeah, I’ve put some weight back on since 2012 and yeah, I’m an on-camera personality.

And I’m a person. 

Creampuffs: