i saw someone say that gay trans people don’t experience ~growing up gay~ because they’re raised as the opposite gender and I’d like to remind everyone to not be an idiot
growing up as a gay trans person is complicated as hell. you really can’t just reduce it down to “uwu the transes didn’t have the same experiences i had growing up so clearly they’re straight”
like, i can’t even begin to unpack how i felt about liking guys as a young trans kid but i can guarantee you it was completely fucking different from how a cishet girl would’ve felt
okay im gonna try to unpack it
I felt this deep shame whenever i found myself attracted to a guy and i had absolutely no idea why. i would just feel disgusting every time i thought about guys in that way
i thought i was a bisexual girl for awhile because i was more comfortable being a girl’s girlfriend than a guy’s girlfriend
would feel attracted to guys but have zero desire to date or have sex with any of them. the idea of them seeing me naked absolutely horrified me. i identified as ace for years because of this
piv sex made me feel physically ill. still does tbh
despite being very much attracted to guys, i absolutely despised any attempts at flirting because i knew they saw me as a girl and that repulsed me
i know other trans men have brought this up but the whole “do i want to fuck him or do i want to look like him” thing ruined my life lmao
gravitated towards lgbt people even while still deep in denial. no im not trans or anything im just…..really open minded i guess hahahaha
girls flirting with me (which happened fairly often. still does) felt more comfortable than men flirting with me for some reason, despite not really being attracted to women
i was/still am very bad at hiding when im into someone. this led to multiple people figuring out who i was crushing on and doing the typical 14 year old asshole thing and announcing it to everyone. This made me feel much more humiliated than it should’ve. not typical “kid embarassed over crush” stuff but like intense shame and panic that i can’t even describe
plenty of other confusing as fuck feelings i cant even put into words

















