from everlasting to everlasting.

Coming across this Catholic litany even as an evangelical was really something. I don’t know if I’d be able to pray every sentence of this. There is this total and intense effacement of the ego - a reflection of Christ’s kenotic love, of God become man. It is intense. But I don’t think think this is necessarily akin to pathological self-abasement. It is not just having terrible self-esteem, but rather seeing the big big picture of salvation history. Because I have in reality been given everything and will inherit the earth as a child of God - I am free to give and expect nothing in return. Because Christ on the cross in my place assures me that I am dearly beloved - I am free to let my self-worth not be contingent on what others think of me. Because Jesus laid aside his glory and his status and his comfort for me - it is a joy to be able to freely do this too for the sake of others. If the Son sets you free, you are free indeed (John 8:36).

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart,

Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected,

Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,

Soon it will still be light when I walk home from uni and soon the flowers will bloom and soon I will start getting sunburnt when I forget to wear sunscreen. It fills me with wonder that seasons are perfectly timed so that there is a secure sense of routine in the annual transition from summer to autumn to winter to spring, yet whenever the moment comes it is always a delightful surprise – just as I had settled into the agreeable crispness of Sydney winters, the sun breaks through the clouds and I remember how wonderful warmth is, how warm weather makes for warm people, and how conducive it is for picnics and long walks and stargazing and making ephemeral art and looking mindlessly out the window when assignments are due. Luther sounded a little bit unlike his angry reformer self and a little bit more like a Romantic poet when he said that God writes the gospel not in the bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars. There is this undulating rhythm that runs through all things. The narrative of death and resurrection is written into cold crackled leaves and hibernating animals and chapped lips and bare branches that in the twinkling of an eye transform into leafy boughs and hayfever and jacaranda trees littered with purple messes and little bees that hover from one flower to the next and everything around me is charged with a sense of new life. What a time to be alive. I wrote part of a poem about that one time because I’m a pretentious loser who writes poetry.  

3. it is cold and sharp where the wind blows it caresses some terminal rawness in my soul. and all is quiet, quiet the muffled torpor of a dying thing. rain beats upon the body and draws it to the dust and silent snow sings it to sleep. yet verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone

4. but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. my breath springs forth in a tentative whisper and joins the eternal chorus of polyphonic youth of the harmony of green forms of the perpetual stagger movement of life, death and life. the universe is awash with glorious newness, and I, with spirit. Dostoevsky wrote about a character who became happy simply by looking at trees and I feel a little like that sometimes. If you look at something for long enough, its sheer detail and texture and colour and simply its phenomenological presence should overwhelm you with wonder. Everything is beautiful. Spring makes me love writing about the small and mundane things that amuse my small and mundane mind.

How lovely is this detail from “Le Pere Jacques” by French Naturalist painter Jules Bastien-Lepage!

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer spring.” – Albert Camus (adaptation mine lol)

5.32pm, 22/8/15

ramblings: love song to a Saviour

Hello!

Sorry I'm definitely not the best person to ask about Catholic theology. It's still something I'm reading up on myself.

Keep in mind that the church as such was "catholic" for a long, long time, and there was no such thing as Protestantism until the 16th century. But by then it was a well-needed breath of fresh air. What began as the New Testament church had become tangled up in politics and monetary affairs, gradually more and more so over centuries ever since Constantine declared it the official Roman religion in 300AD, and resulted in all the unbiblical issues like indulgence tickets and treasury of merits etc. But evidently that doesn't represent what the Roman Catholic church looks like today. I do believe that while we sit on different sides of the theological fence, there are many Catholics who have a sincere, saving faith in Christ despite maybe having doctrinal errors – and after all none of us have perfect doctrine.

The main thing is that Catholics hold church tradition to the same value that they hold scripture, whereas the Protestant motto is sola scriptura. That’s where the Catholic idea of praying to Mary and the saints come in, despite having no precedent anywhere in the New Testament. I stress again that I don’t come from a Catholic background and am probably not the wisest person to ask, but my impersonal theological stance is that doing so with the wrong belief could veer into idolatry. It’s not biblical and thus treads on dangerous ground. Here are some articles written by people who know more than me:

http://carm.org/praying-saints-biblical

http://carm.org/mary-subject-preaching-and-worship

CARM.org is generally good for these kinds of apologetics things.

I think with your family, a good thing to do would be to affirm what you have in common rather than have arguments if they end disastrously every time. It’s an amazing thing that you all love Christ and want to honour and worship Him in truth. Pray to Him together and love one another like He loves you. I think you might find you have more in common than you think. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and correct their theology when the time is right for it. I guess it’s just between you and God, that. Lean on Him and trust not in your own understanding and He will guide you. If it’s possible, and your parents allow it (remember we have a mandate to honour our father and mother too), I’d suggest you visit a reformed church too. And I can pray for you.

As for religious texts that aren’t the Bible…I’m assuming you’re referring to the Catholic Apocrypha and not things like the Quran or Book of Mormon etc, right? Correct me if I’m wrong. This sums it up:

http://carm.org/apocrypha-it-scripture]

I haven’t read the Apocrypha myself so I can’t have a personal say, but theologically it is not authoritative like the Bible. Maybe if you think of it as a Christian book with mixed reviews or something, that might come close to the status of the Apocrypha. It, like almost every other text on the face of this planet, offers some insight into the Creator (morals are something narratives cannot escape from). But it’s not to be treated with the gravitas that surrounds the canon of scripture. I hope that answered your question.

Blessings