m.

My boyfriend of a little more than 4 months is currently travelling and will continue to do that for a few more months. And I am home alone, having to find my place in uni and a new place. I encouraged his travel ideas before we even became a thing. Yet, it is massively disrupting our otherwise strong bond. Whilst it was clear to me that we were going to lose our physical connection, I didn't sign up for a loss of emotionality. Different time zones mess with our communication and I can't reach out to him when I need stability because firstly, I usually can't find another five hours for him to reply and secondly, I don't want him to worry about me since he is supposed to have a wonderful time abroad. We are open with each other and talked about above problems and that it currently feels as if we are just friends. He claims to be in love with me, I don't think I can say the same at this early point of our relationship but I really like him to bits.

Now here comes the twist.

I have been in steady contact with this one guy. My boyfriend knows about it and states that he is fine with it. Not that I need anybody's permission to talk to someone but still. It is just banter and we just seem to click somehow. He knows that I am in a relationship and he wouldn't interfere with that at all. A few weeks ago he asked me if I wanted to grab a drink with him. I did, but not without telling him beforehand that this would be a friendly encounter only. My boyfriend knew about said plans, again fine with it. The evening went by quickly and helped me immensely on a mental level, since I've been crying about not having my boyfriend next to me one day prior. Also, I was suprised that we didn't have any awkward moments. Just laughter, stories and good vibrations.

Fast forward to this day, I still have contact with him. We even have plans scheduled together. Again, just friends. He is the total contrary to my boyfriend but as sad as it sounds, he gives me the attention that I need at the moment. I find myself questionning my relationship. Is it really worth waiting until January to see my boyfriend, who seems to have changed already? When there is this guy I have a weird connection with, that I undeniable find attractive and who seems to be able to give me what I need and deserve?