Lickler

That’s the part people probably wouldn’t expect.

You would think the craving would be strongest during a dry spell, when it’s been forever since someone’s had their hands on you. But for me, it almost works in reverse. Once I’m reminded what that feeling does to me, it wakes something up that refuses to go back to sleep.

Suddenly my body remembers everything.

The adrenaline.

The laughter.

The panic.

The muscle tension so intense it almost hurts, followed by that heavy, limp exhaustion afterward where you feel completely emptied out and strangely calm at the same time.

Tickling is such a visceral emotional release disguised as play.

And when there’s chemistry involved? It gets so much worse. The teasing. The eye contact. The mind games. The anticipation between attacks when you know exactly what they’re about to do, but you can’t stop it anyway.

Being a switch complicates it even further because I don’t only understand it from the lee perspective.

I understand the ler mindset too.

I know the thoughts that happen behind the smile. I know the satisfaction of finding a weak spot. I know the temptation to push just a little further when somebody starts breaking apart in your hands. I know the hunger behind the teasing.

So when I’m the one being tickled, part of me is trapped inside the ler’s head at the same time.

And honestly? That makes it more intense.

If you support me, let them hear it.

I know how heavy it is to speak when silence feels safer, when retaliation is real, and when the cost of telling the truth can feel overwhelming. Your words matter. Your courage matters.

This is bigger than any one person. There are so many women who have been quiet not because they had nothing to say, but because they were made to feel afraid to say it. Afraid of being dismissed, blamed, isolated, or punished for telling their own story.

No one should have to carry that alone. No one should be silenced for speaking their truth.

Thank you for standing up, not just for me, but for every voice that’s been pushed down. I see you, and I hope others do too. We deserve a community where truth isn’t punished and silence isn’t the price of safety.

I also need to address something else.

Before I was able to speak for myself, a post containing false characterizations about me was reblogged and amplified at least two dozen times. The tone quickly turned into a pile-on. Comments encouraged it. People cheered it on. Some of those participating hold positions in the community where they are entrusted with safety, harm reduction, and protecting others at events.

None of those people reached out to me. None asked for my account. Some explicitly stated they didn’t need to.

That matters.

When people in positions of authority or protection amplify one-sided narratives, dismiss injury disclosures, or frame safety concerns as “drama” or “cancel culture,” the harm extends far beyond words. In my case, it resulted in reputational damage and a significant loss of income after I was forced to remove content in response to this situation.

I understand that some people may not have fully understood what they were amplifying. I appreciate those who have since reflected or stepped back.

However, for those who actively prolonged the attack, mocked, dismissed, or publicly minimized documented safety concerns without checking facts, accountability is necessary.

At minimum, deleting or retracting those posts is appropriate. For those who spoke publicly and hold roles centered on community safety, a public correction or apology would be the responsible step. Public harm requires public repair.

This isn’t about retaliation. It’s about integrity. It’s about whether community safety actually means listening to the people who were harmed before rushing to defend those accused of causing harm.

If we want safer communities, we have to do better than mob responses and blind loyalty.

I only spoke further after being independently approached by two additional women who expressed similar concerns about the same individual. When I offered advice in confidence, one of those conversations was later selectively edited. Messages were deleted and altered in a way that misrepresented my position and reframed the situation as though I had initiated a public call-out, which I did not.

That altered version of events was then shared with others and subsequently posted publicly online. This escalation was not my choice or my intent. Responsibility lies not only with the individual whose behavior raised concerns, but also with those who knowingly misrepresented private communications to protect him and shift blame onto me.

I need to respond to something that was posted about me.

A post circulated implying that my concerns were personal, emotional, or rooted in “cancel culture,” rather than about safety. The post framed this as women gossiping, exaggerating, or trying to sway others over hurt feelings. What stands out most is that none of the people making or amplifying these claims ever asked me what happened. Some stated publicly that they didn’t need to.

So I want to be very clear: this was not personal, and it was not about disappointment. It was about safety.

I worked with someone I considered both a friend and a producer. Prior to the shoot, I clearly disclosed multiple medical conditions that are widely known in the community and that directly affect my circulation, skin integrity, and infection risk. These include circulation issues, a history of blood clots, blood thinners, diabetes, and extremely fragile skin.

For a foot tickling scene, I brought my own medically appropriate stocks designed to prevent friction and injury. The producer repeatedly argued with me about using his stocks instead. I explained why they were unsafe for me and that they lacked adequate padding. I offered compromises, such as adding protective padding under my heels, which were rejected for aesthetic reasons.

I was also repeatedly pressured to drink alcohol despite expressing discomfort.

The producer insisted on using toe ties, despite my clearly stated circulation risks. I explained that I would not be able to reliably speak up in the moment if something was wrong because I would be restrained and actively being tickled, and that he would need to actively monitor for signs of injury, discoloration, or bleeding. He explicitly stated he would be too focused on tickling to do that, and when I said I wouldn’t be willing to do the scene, he then assured me he could handle it.

During the scene, the setup failed. My heels rubbed against the equipment, causing skin tears. Because I was restrained and being tickled, I did not immediately realize the extent of the injury. When the scene ended and I was released, there was visible bleeding from both heels.

I immediately cleaned and treated the wounds. By the time I got home, the injuries were infected. I required medical treatment, including a tetanus shot and multiple rounds of antibiotics. Due to my medical conditions, this posed serious risks. I now have permanent scarring and circulation complications.

When I informed the producer days later, his response was: “oof, that sucks,” followed by being ghosted.

This is not gossip. This is not cancel culture. This is not someone being upset because a session didn’t meet expectations.

Now, to the part that needs to be said plainly.

If you claim to be “a girl’s girl” or to act in the interest of women, you cannot hear a man say, “She’s just upset, I did nothing wrong,” while a woman is saying she was injured, and then decide not to ask the woman a single question. That is not neutral. That is not protective. That is not safety-focused.

Believing one side by default, dismissing the other without inquiry, and publicly minimizing harm while admitting you don’t know the full story is not a safe way to handle situations involving women’s bodies, health, or consent. It is one-sided and biased, whether intentional or not.

Being there for women means listening when a woman says she was hurt. It means asking questions before making public judgments. It means understanding that warning others about documented safety issues is not “shit talking” or manipulation. It is harm reduction.

I have documentation of my injuries and timelines. I did not ask anyone to cancel anyone. I shared safety concerns because people deserve informed consent when choosing who they work or play with.

If community spaces treat injury disclosures as drama and refuse to listen because it’s inconvenient, that is how unsafe behavior continues.

This is why I spoke up. Safety is the point.