Inner Circle Secrets

Ducane's gang tattoo removal, before and after.

When Harry was little, he idolized the characters of Dragonball Z so much that whenever there was a full moon, he would try to stare into it as intensely as possible and try to transform into a monkey. He would strain his body so hard trying to transform that he eventually pooped his pants every time there was a full moon out.

Sometimes Atticus catches on slowly. The first time he made a Reddit account, he made a post to /r/askreddit asking the question, “Does anyone want to hear a sp00ky story?”

Once Zera was at a company party, where his coworkers dared him to take shots. Being an awkward fellow, he succumbed to the peer pressure and became piss-drunk. At one point he had the sudden urge to go take a big fat duke in one of the company toilets. The poop session lasted so long that the climax came 10 minutes after everyone had already left the building. The biggest poop was the last to come out, and for this one Zera really had to push... HARD. At the exact moment the big brown beast was expelled from his body, the motion-activated light's timer ran out and switched off. Zera, in his hopelessly drunken stupor, interpreted the coincidence to mean that he had shat himself blind. The janitor found him the next morning, still passed out, and with blood all over the toilet.

Last week Harry was forced to snort cocaine at a Christian swinger party held by his parents. The cocaine made Harry shift into his ever-so-elusive extra-goofy mode. He sent out multiple snaps to all of his Snapchat friends, in which he would fart onto the naked people at his house and immediately afterwards look straight into the camera and say in a serious and deadpan manner, "Only God can judge me."

Twrk so thirsty he fuck Luna.

When Francisco was walking down the street, he saw a man walking two Dobermanns who had bandages on their ears, presumably because they had just had their ears cropped. The thought of cutting off Luna's ears made Francisco's blood boil with rage and salsa picante. He angrily tackled the man, but as would be expected by normal people, the dogs jumped on Francisco, attacking and biting his face and head. Francisco said to the dogs, "What are you doing?! I'm trying to thave you!" Later that evening he showed up at home covered in blood, piss, and dog shit. "¡Mami! ¡Tengo hambre!"

Back in Los Angeles, Ducane used to always brag about his "mad fresh guitar skills". Whenever there was a guitar at a party, he would pretend to get excited about showing off his abilities, but then he would always say "does anyone have a capo?" Or "is there a capo lying around?" And "all my material is played on the 2nd fret." One time someone said they did indeed have a capo, to which Ducane responded by breaking down in tears and refusing to say a word for the rest of the night.

One night Artizan came into the call drunk. He told us the story of how his summoner name came to be "Artizan". Artizan is backwards for Nazitra, which was the name of his Night Elf female druid in WoW. His WoW friends to this day call him by his resulting nickname: Lil' Nazi.

Francisco's favorite way to meet new people in the United States is to show off to his American peers special talents that are exclusive to his Puerto Rican heritage. One particular favorite was learned from his mother. Whenever he and his new friends are about to eat corn on the cob, Francisco loves to demonstrate that horizontally is not the only way to get every last kernel.

When Harry first introduced himself to the call, he had the unfortunate habit of relating every conversation to Weeniebutt Jr. Ducane figured out that the only way to get Harry to stop was to say "BAD, Harry, BAD!" every time he mentioned Weeniebutt Jr. Now Harry says sometimes he can feel his tailbone wagging when he participates in a conversation without mentioning him.

When Keegan was little, his conservative parents told him that celebrities don't poop. Keegan believed this until his senior year in high school.

When José Fernandez was a little boy, he would take unusually large dumps. His mother explained to him that the water bouncing back up and spiking his butt hole was actually his guardian angel playing with him. He named his guardian angel Pony Prancer.

One time when Harry was a junior he was receiving a heavy beating by his freshman bully. The bully punched him softly in the mouth and dislodged a tooth. Later that night, the molar had to pass through, and in the process tore Harry's anus. His father noticed the blood in Harry's floaters (since Harry does not flush) and cried himself to sleep.

One time Mike was at a party drinking with some semi-decent chicks. At one point he was nervous, and did not know what to say, so he started talking about Jerry. It did not work out for him.

Zanye is secretly sleeping with a black guy on the side. So is Zamphira.

One night, Atticus entered his parents’ bedroom door without knocking and discovered them going at it like two wild rabbits on a carrot rush. But, because his parents are extremely sexy, he stayed and watched until the climax. Afterwards, they all went to Denny’s as a family.