Inner Adolescent

So its that time of year again, when we eat chocolate to celebrate Jesus’ dying to save our sins and rising again…

Our new house is opposite a church and I’ve been thinking about going. I attended church growing up but after a while I questioned whether I was going for myself, or to please my parents.

Then last month I went to church while visiting my mum and felt…something. I’ve always believed in God and that has never changed. I just want my faith to be my own and not for someone else.

It doesn’t help that the majorty of the Christians I’ve come across are so hypocritical. They act like mini Gods, happy to impose their judgement on others but quick to over look their own mistakes. Add the fact I’m now “living in sin” to the equation and I could be setting myself up for disaster.

Nonethess, this weekend I’ve had time to reflect on what I believe in and I think its time to go back to church. Not this weekend…it would be really heavy with Easter and I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

After a long, stressful and emotional week, I slept for fourteen hours Friday night and another ten last night.  After an indulgent, thirty minute shower where I washed the week away, I feel a million times better and ready get excited about the coming week.

Tomorrow we're picking up the keys to our own house...OURS!!

It feels like we're starting this huge adventure together.  This week we become home owners, next year we'll be husband and wife and 2016, we could be mum and dad.  I've been waiting over a decade for this and suddenly, it's happening all at once.   

Today I had the most emotionally draining afternoon I've experienced in a long time.  Out of the blue, work announced they would be "streamlining" our department to "improve efficiency".  Then I spent the next three hours watching my colleagues lives fall apart.

People were fired, demoted, told their jobs didn't exist anymore.  Severance deals were handed out left right and centre.  There was tears, shouting while I sat and watched in disbelief, unable to stop it and unsure if I was next

Today I had an accidental day off work and decided to make a dent in packing to move house.  It's shocking how much CRAP I've accumulated, especially when you consider I had a huge clear out before moving in with my other half two years ago.

I turned our small charity shop donation bag into a HUGE box in a matter of hours this morning.  Its embarrassing how much stuff I have and don't use, when other people go without.  I had a pang of guilt looking at the clothes I've not worn in years, just sat in my wardrobe.

We didn't have a lot when I was little and I coveted my friends belongings all the time, jealous of what they had.  All my clothes were hand me downs or charity shop bargins and I and couldn't appreciate what I did have.  Now that I'm older, I thought I'd changed and grown to be less materialistic... CLEARLY NOT!!