ᵇ ᵃ ᵈ ʷ ᵒ ˡ ᶠ

bandit  had  been  a  creature  of  habit  for  so  long  that  he  had  become  comfortable  with  it.  comfortable  with  just  being  aloof  and  not  caring  much  about  anything.  he'd  been  alone  for  so  long  that  it  came  naturally  to  him.  he  never  relied  on  anyone  else,  then  again  he  never  had  anyone  to  rely  on.  he'd  gone  from  the  orphanage  to  nevermore.  there  was  no  break  in-between.  

even  when  he  first  met  kerr  when  he  was  carrying  his  stuff  in,  he  didn't  think  that  it  would  change.  he  didn't  think  that  his  would  would  be  tossed  on  its  head  and  he  would  be  sitting  here  and  feeling  the  way  he  did.  the  siren  wanted  to  hate  it.  he  wanted  to  bare  his  teeth  and  rip  himself  out  of  the  situation.  run  away  like  he  did  from  anything  that  made  him  actually  feel  something.  

and  feel  something  he  did  and  it  was...  terrifying.

accepting  anything  was  hard  enough  and  when  it  came  at  the  end  of  something  he  knew  he  did  wrong  it  was  even  harder.  bandit  knew  that  he  was  in  the  wrong,  not  kerr  and  his  lips  pressed  into  a  line  for  a  moment  before  he  sighed.  ❛ fine,  fine.  i  accept  your  apology,  little  wolf.  you  win. ❜  his  hands  rose  as  if  to  show  the  other  that  he  was  disarmed  and  wouldn't  argue  with  him  again  over  it  even  though  bandit  knew  the  truth.

a  sigh  rose  and  fell  his  shoulders  when  the  other  looked  away  from  him  and  he  raised  his  hands  and  scrubbed  them  over  his  face  and  then  pushed  them  back  through  his  hair  to  momentarily  get  the  locks  out  of  his  face.  idly  realizing  he  needs  another  haircut.  finally,  he  looked  back  at  the  back  of  the  wolf  and  a  brow  perked.  ❛ oh. ❜  he  didn't  mean  for  it  to  sound  how  it  came  out,  but  he  was  surprised  that  kerr  wanted  to  do  that  again  because  bandit  most  certainly  wanted  to  do  it  again.

❛ as  far  as  apologies  go,  that's  a  good  one. ❜  he  had  to  tease  to  try  and  lighten  the  mood.  ❛ now  or  you  want  to  wait  until  the  crowds  dissipate? ❜  he  could  still  hear  plenty  of  footfalls  outside  the  door.  not  as  many  as  before,  but  he  knew  that  if  kerr  didn't  want  anyone  to  hear  what  he  had  to  say,  that  he  would  definitely  not  want  them  to  hear  the  kind  of  sounds  he'd  made  him  make  the  night  before.  

no one else knew him as well. with maybe the exception of enid. even then he pushed her away. not wanting those infamous rumors to spread. corrupt the brightness of her name. a rumor had started to spread that kerr was adopted. although all of them took it as a joke. kerr often times wondered himself. all the sinclair's were such prized. golden dipped. brightly lit visions of leaders & path finders. where he was the cold. brutal. tainted mess that was a blueish black , smear across the paper.

why julie loved him he never understood. why bandit wanted to give him a chance , he understood less.

telling himself for so long julie was all he needed. he didn't need friends. or lovers. just her. yet the second the siren stepped through that threshold. kerrian's entire world came crashing down with widen eyes. imprinting was often a joke between the wolves. some got to experience the amazing gift. others would be damned if they ever found their true mate. kerr simply thought , fairy tale. but he should have known after crawling out a storybook himself there was always some truth to them. a truth often not found until you got to the last page. fingertip pressed to the folds only to see the small print. love was real. love was powerful.

it was a better high than the capsules he cracked between molars. it was better than locking himself in the room with some girl , getting sucked off. it brought him to the edge quicker than being tangled in someone he didn't even exchange name with. but that lingering question still remained. why the fuck did it have to be bandit? it wasn't as if those feelings weren't shared. they were mutual they both learned. but compared to kerr? bandit was a beacon. he had friends. he had goals. he had .. a future. his wasn't painted with stained hands. corrupted ranks. a crown made of thorn ripping with blood. yet kerr wanted to be selfish , he wanted this. whatever it was. even if it was just … until the end of school.

quite frankly, he knew kerr wasn’t going to like the intrusion– it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before, just… usually bandit was the one who was walking in on him sleeping, or reading, or simply just killing time. little did he know, there had apparently been some kind of altercation between the two doormmates, one that ling wasn’t entirely sure HE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT– but should and could were two different things.

tongue rolled against the back of his teeth as brows furrowed at the comment. he knew who ling meant. but the question made his stomach twist. belly boil with rage. so he chose to flip it. ‘ julie's at practice. ’ those words came mumbled. tossing his bag onto his bed before he walked past the two beds to the mini fridge the boys both shared. grabbing a bottle of water , cracking the cap as he turned it. downing half of it within what felt like a second. cerulean eyes rolling at ling's voice that was like a steam hammer to his skull. wolves & foxes were not long time friends. in fact in the wild they often avoided one another.

it  shouldn't  be  surprising  that  he  wanted  to  protect  him.  he  protected  enid  and  those  that  didn't  quite  fit  in  without  them  knowing  it.  he'd  fought  with  bianca  and  xavier  more  times  than  he  could  count  to  just  leave  them  alone.  it  was  one  of  the  reasons  he  wanted  to  take  over  that  throne.  

despite  what  some  people  thought,  bandit  earned  everything  he  got.  he  wasn't  given  a  handout  or  fed  with  a  silver  spoon.  even  when  he  knew  what  he  could  do  he  never  used  his  song.  not  after  what  happened.  it  just  made  him  work  harder  and  it  was  how  he  got  invited  to  nevermore  in  the  first  place.  and  it  had  just  been  easier  to  shut  off  his  emotions  so  he  never  had  to  worry  about  getting  hurt  (  or  hurting  anyone  ).  until  now  --  now  he  was  in  trouble.

when  he  heard  those  specific  words  fall  from  kerr,  he  turned  his  attention  back  to  him  fully.  somewhere  inside  him  he  thought  kerr  had  said  it  because  it  was  the  heat  of  the  moment.  so  hearing  him  saying  it  now  was  a  shock,  but  a  welcomed  one  and  his  features  softened  and  he  smiled.  

the  siren  stayed  quiet  while  the  wolf  spoke  and  his  head  leaned  back  against  the  chair  so  he  could  look  up  at  him  when  the  other  towered  over  him  for  once.  ❛ both  can  exist,  you  know. ❜  oh,  he  was  being  sassy  and  the  grin  showed  he  was  joking.  ❛ i  know  you're  a  big  boy,  kerr.  but  you  don't  have  to  do  everything  on  your  own.  that's  not  how  this  works.  you  don't  have  to  always  be  the  protector,  you  need  to  share  that  burden. ❜  the  words  rang  true  and  he  knew  that  julie  would  agree,  albeit  through  her  fangs.  

eyes  closed  and  the  content  sound  left  him  as  he  rested  his  head  to  the  others.  ❛ no.  don't  do  that.  because  i  did.  i  told  you  i  wouldn't  and  i  did.  so  you  tell  me,  what  can  i  do  to  show  you  how  sorry  i  am? ❜

                          kerrian didn't know who he truly was.

he didn't know if he had any goals. he didn't know if he had any desires. what he liked , what he hated. ─── at some point all of those pieces fell away. he was simply living because he had to. until he met bandit. a force like his own that knocked him off his feet. pinned him to the ground & reminded him to breathe. it was a force that wrecked his entire being. every wall he built that came crumbling down as if it was nothing. as if the years of keeping everyone away. keeping himself in a state of emotionless steady meant absolutely nothing.

his entire world had been a shock. an earthquake that knocked down every pillar he built. yet for some reason his back still pressed against the last one. using every ounce of energy he could to keep it up. he wasn't unaware of why. maybe it simply came from comfort. keeping the world at bay. not wanting to face the truths of emotions he may have felt. or understand why he was the way he was. that would mean he would have to face her. face the facts. stop blaming himself. ─── that wasn't something he was ready for. not yet. not after all the years of self hatred & making himself out to be the monster of the story. to lay that weapon down he held to his own throat , meant he would have to love himself.

how could anyone love a monster? the truth was simple. he was on edge , birthday so near. some saw it as a time for celebration & for a short time in his life he did too. until one night he tip toed down the stairs after julie had fallen asleep. peeking around the corner to see his father slumped against the counter. glass of whiskey in hand. it was the only day he ever drank & it was only after he put the two to bed. after he spent the entire day smiling so bright. crying. gross sobs while looking at the frame of the wife he lost. the one kerrian had killed. although not outright his hands reeked bloody. & since then his birthday was just the tragic memory of the truth. he was born into this world as a killer.