Phoenix ;

i did, for a while. or,

at least, tried really hard to.

i miss you still.

or, i miss the softer memories.

the ones before everything got so tangled up.

back when i knew where i ended and you began.

i hope you remember the way i loved you.

i hope you know i want you to be happy.

We didn't exchange names just glances the kind that linger just a second too long and pretend they didn't

The bar was loud enough to forgive bad decisions dim enough to make them look like destiny

You were halfway through a drink you didn't like I was pretending mind was stronger than it was

We met in the middle of it in that space between should I and why not

You said something I didn't quite hear but I laughed anyway because it felt right to

That's how it starts, isn't it? Not with meaning with permission

Your knee brushed mine like an accident that didn't apologize

I let it stay

There was a whole life sitting just outside that moment responsibilities histories the versions of ourselves that make better choices

but they didn't belong in that bar

In there we were just two people with nothing to lose and everything to project

You asked if I wanted another but what you meant was stay

I said yes to both

Time blurred the edges drinks stacking like excuses music pulsing like a heartbeat neither of us owned

Your hand found mine like it had been looking all night and I didn't ask who it belonged to before

We talked in fragments favorite songs bad exes half-truths dressed up as confessions

just enough honesty to feel real not enough to make it matter tomorrow

and that was the deal unspoken but understood

tonight we are exactly who we pretend to be

outside the air hit different colder more honest

for a second I thought about asking your name

for a second I thought about giving you mine

But you smiled like that would ruin it like putting words to this would make it something it wasn't meant to survive

So I didn't

We walked close not touching until we were

And it felt inevitable like the night had been building toward this exact mistake

maybe that's all it was

Or maybe some connections aren't meant to last

just to happen perfectly once

A collision with no aftermath no history no future to haunt it

Just two strangers finding each other in the kind of dark that makes everything feel possible

and choosing without saying it out loud

The porch light flickers like it's got something to confess and we sit there anyway two silhouettes stitched together by smoke and quiet

Cigarettes burn slower when you're watching someone you love like time's afraid to interrupt

You tap yours against the railing ash falling like soft gray snow and I swear I've never seen anything more beautiful than the way you don't look at me when you're thinking

We don't talk much we don't have to The night fills in the blanks for us crickets sawing at the dark a car passing like a memory that didn't stick the hum of a world that forgot we exist out here

You hand me your lighter without asking thumb still warm where it flicked the flame and it feels like something more than fire like trust, or habit, or the quiet kind of love that doesn't need a name

We pass the silence back and forth like the pack between us each drag a small agreement stay a little longer don't go inside yet don't let this end

Your laugh breaks out of nowhere low, tired, real and it settles into me like smoke in my lungs like something I know I shouldn't keep but don't want to let go

The porch creaks under us old wood remembering other nights other people who thought this was forever too

And maybe it isn't maybe we'll burn out like these cigarettes filters crushed under careless heels forgotten by morning

But right now right now it's just us the glow at the tips of our hands and the way the dark leans in like it's trying to listen

I take one last drag watch the ember flare, then fade and think

i can never finish a poem to you without it turning to ash

wrapped in attention like a child's blanket

swaddled like babe in November

tight head

dropping the sponges tonight alone under two minutes

floating down the river Euphrates genuine love bites me so very hard 1 2 3 on my neck

a feast of red

like dumb poppy

I bled rust on shallow water

I bleed rust with holy fingers

the salt line floats a ton with needles pricks

pricks

it feels good with this taste of mind dancing around my open mouth

inhaling children

exhaling blue smoke

magic

kill the lights and lay down on me

next to me

with me

chew me up next to me on the wings of majestic feathers

kill the lights and lay down next to me