dissonant dreams

FEUDAL STAR WARS 

[Sunday, June 14th, 2015. 3:05 a.m.]

hurling a caterpillar at a stop sign fascinating stare as it peeled halfway off like it hung on a cross made of its own innards

guilt guilt over childhood theft and threats penned into a journal that read, “johnny left and it should be my mother in that casket” guilt and guilt and guilt fingers of their own volition adding -y ending you a stab at a time

all the mortal sins we shrug off while we masturbate with closed eyes trying to forget about the person we’re thinking of divorce, abortion and, wouldn’t you know it, the convenience of condeming the questioning atheists are pinned, now

nowhere on that list does it say “abandonment…of a man in need whose body has been consumed with greed and will steal green money from his sister’s wallet to pay for the slow death of heroin, whose eyes are screaming at you in philia” but that’s a lot of words for god …he left off resentment, too

what about stabbing frogs and burning ants? or feeling uneasy in church, having to tell your family “i can’t” when they usher you towards the confessional

[Thursday, May 14th, 2015. 2:29 a.m.]

my circle of friends has collapsed into an oval and is fast on its throttling way to stretching into a line.

i will perforate it.

blame my own two hands, my lizard tongue.

only abandoned children and beasts yearn for attachment, a mother’s warm nipple, caresses.

i spy carcasses, a field of strangers, want.

i can feast from my own breast, nourish my own soul, quell my rape dreams and unknown thirsts.

let me alone when i ask.