I, me, myself

Dear esteemed readers of the World Wide Web,

As I sit here at my mahogany desk, quill in hand, and the dim blue light of my computer screen illuminating my study, I am filled with a sense of excitement and anticipation. For you see, I have recently stumbled upon a most peculiar and perplexing discovery: I have found several fool-proof ways to appease those elder deities that inhabit the library structures.

You may be asking yourself, "What is this bizarre and bewildering method of which you speak?" Fear not, dear friends, for I shall enlighten you.

In order to appease the library, one must don a tutu and perform a dance in front of its doors. I know, I know, it sounds positively preposterous, but I assure you, it is true.

But wait, there's more! For those feeling particularly adventurous, one may offer a live chicken as an offering to the library gods. Or, if you're feeling particularly erudite, you could read a book out loud in a foreign language, even if you don't know how to speak it.

But perhaps the most absurd suggestion of all is to offer to sacrifice your firstborn child to the library. I know, it sounds positively outrageous, but I assure you, this is a tried and true method of appeasing the library.