#appease

Some background information:

I was in a mental hospital for a few months, a week in inpatient then a few months in outpatient. Every day in outpatient we’d have three group therapy sessions. Thursdays were my favorite because our first session of the day was the trauma session. I learned more in that session than I did during the rest of the program.

One of the most important things that I learned was about how people react to trauma. It has helped me in my daily life to recognizing my actions as caused by trauma I hadn’t realized counted as trauma. (It has also helped me recognize those same behaviors in other people and also in my characters.)

Fight: Fight is exactly what it sounds like. It’s continually being angry and starting fights, always being ready to fight at the slightest provocation. Fight is “You can’t hurt me if I fight back. I won’t let you hurt me.”

Flight: Flight is more complicated. It’s not just running away from conflict or running away from home, it’s also escapist tendencies like burying yourself in fantasies. Whether that’s reading, constantly being on your phone or computer, or daydreaming constantly. Flight also includes suicide. The therapist that taught the groups believed that suicide wasn’t about wanting to die but rather about wanting to get away from a situation. Flight is “I need to get away from this situation that is causing me trauma.”

Freeze: Freeze is best described as apathy. It’s not caring about yourself, other people, or the situation that’s causing you trauma. Freeze is “If I don’t care, I can’t get hurt.”

Appease: Appease is what it sounds like. It’s attempting to make other people like you by whatever means necessary. Appease is “If I can make you like me, then you won’t hurt me.”

There’s more to the trauma groups, including the “story” we tell ourselves. “Your story” is the negative thoughts that keep cycling around and what “your story” is often determines what your reaction to trauma is.

Another important thing I was told was this: your reaction to trauma isn’t a bad thing, it’s what helped you survive and protected you. It becomes a problem when it becomes extreme or is applied improperly. She recommended recognizing your trauma response and trying a different response or applying a different response in different situations.

Tea and Biscuits?

No, I do not want a hookah.

The first will appease,

But I do require a bazooka.

 Why? To slay the Jabberwocky.

Have not got one for me?

What about a walkie-talkie?

So I may contact Humpty Dumpty.

 Not that one either?

Guess I will take the Queen,

And we shall drag the Hatter

Then wash the roses clean.