book meme / misc. stories, jacqueline woodson
content warning for blood and violence.
from the notebooks of melanin sun
this is all anybody needs to be happy.
you planning on staying awhile?
and youโre important to me.
the world doesnโt work that way.
and when i canโt speak it, i write it down.
it feels right and whole and good.
thereโll be a hundred names for him. but heโll know who he is.
just to let us know weโre still alive.
you just donโt want it to happen, thatโs all.
boy, iโll go upside your head so hard you gonna wish you was never born.
i wish it didnโt matter so much. but it does, doesnโt it?
these are my notebooks. my stories.
itโs like that in our house.
what do you mean, whatโs up with that?
i want to do the right thing.
iโm on the outside of things.
sometimes, i donโt have words.ย
feels like being a stranger in your own house, like everything that used to mean something doesnโt anymore. even your own name.
they donโt mess with me, i donโt mess with them.
you donโt know nothing about me, little boy.
if i was real quiet, it was like i was invisible.
whatโs wrong with you, man?
nobody in this room talking to you. you hear anybody call your name?
thatโs why iโm here asking you.
then you had to go and open your fat mouth.
like a clock ticking away somebodyโs life.
reddest blood iโd ever seen in my life.
i know he didnโt kill anybody.
if theyโre fast enough.
blow somebodyโs head off.
thatโs what you think, stupid.
i used to talk all the time.
whereโs that boy i used to know, the one who couldnโt be quiet?
but i was just a little kid and nobody else was around.
you need to laugh sometimes.
some days, like today and yesterday and probably tomorrow, thatโs all thatโs on my mind.
and my voice got quieter. and quieter. and quiet.
this ainโt much, but itโs all i have.
the monsters that come at night donโt breathe fire, have two heads or long claws.
last night this commercial came on tv.
sometimes i sit counting the stars.
the kind of crying where no tears came out.
i mean, weโre not supposed to want to.
