✖ Find me in the labyrinth ॐ

Watching tell me lies right now just feels so maybe cathartic is the word. I’ve watched it since the very beginning season and I feel like I’ve been 3 different people in one since then. Watching it without intense relational anxiety is such a wonderful experience. Honestly I think I might be the happiest I’ve ever been and I have a feeling I’m going to be happier. My only challenge right now feels like my job and career. And honestly it’s pretty good, I make a great salary, yes I have a ton of work but I’d like to enjoy where I am and I can also leverage it through my content. I’d love to start making a lot more money through that avenue but I don’t feel the need to force or push anything. I know God will get me to where I need to be. As I enter the year 29 (wow) I’m going to keep throwing it at the wall and seeing what sticks and I know something is going to shake in the best way. And to keep having fun with it all. I’m so proud of myself for taking this leap and moving to California. It feels like home. Anyway I feel good and I want to make feeling good continue to be a priority

I’m not going to miss this wedding. I am going to be present for it and enjoy it. Same with Italy — present and enjoying

So technically I’ve been single for a few weeks if we frame in the fact I was regularly dating and getting to know someone long distance but never quite established anything and I do believe that relationship has fizzled and perhaps we can be friends. When I think about what I’m looking for right now a word that comes to mind is ease. I want something that feels easy not necessarily in the logistic sense in the way that our connection is easy it’s flowing it’s not forced I don’t have to wonder whether or not he likes me and I’m not over analyzing and overthinking I can be present on the omens and just be easy with this person that I’m getting to know and obviously part of that comes from me like if I like myself that’s what’s important there is some part and role to play for the partner in showing and showing up and me then deciding if this works me. Example I think we had a really great date I seriously enjoyed it and wanted to see him again. Felt something was there or definitely had the potential to be there. With him being in Europe I thought it’d be fun to spend some more time together over there and have a few dates that made sense. No real follow up on his end and maybe he’ll surprise me tomorrow and us thinking about a way to make it work. I’m going to remain open to the possibility but also non committal about it because I love myself enough to listen to the still small voice