neil nods, still steady at her side.  he has met the fine product of raven conditioning, has seen how deep the poison runs. it will take a while, but he wasn't kidding when he told her she trusted her to handle them. the king is dead, long live the queen.

'' they know better. can't say the same about the press, though. ''   he grins instead of faltering, both fiercely proud of his team and amused.  but fine, two can play at this game.   '' they look like a nightmare, ''   he says, shooting a glance at her shoes.   '' but make for a good enough chance weapon. ''

theye know better. she gives a faux, disappointed pout. “ that’s a shame. i do love to hear the ridicule. ” the burning stare of the spotlights against her shoulderblades for years, she had to learn how to turn it into entertainment at one point to keep her sanity. identity could be a fickle thing when one kept seeing their distorted image in every media outlet. she gives neil’s bicep a warm squeeze, as she eventually sits to a chair that was pulled for her. “ can’t say the same about my ravens, ” she mumbles, in oppose to the unbreakable trust the foxes had in each other. the fragile link that held the ravens together were torn with the same gunshot that marked the end of riko and end of their greatness. secrets, lies, trust issues. they all thought her advocating for peace and sportsmanship was a sign of her being head over heels for the new captain of the foxes, which made the older ones turn even more resilient to her methods. they could not grasp why they needed to stop searching to bite anything with a pulse with their canines. they could not grasp that maybe, just maybe, that there had been a better way all alone. a way that let her close her eyes and let herself fall, knowing that he’d be there to catch every single time.

even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you.

trust me. i can handle a dangerous man.

i love you. it's ruining my life.

does it feel all right to not know me?

i am who i am 'cause you trained me.

quick. tell me something awful.

i loved you the way that you were.

we were just kids, babe.

i can fix him.

you and i go from one kiss to getting married.

you said i'm the love of your life.

way up there, i actually love it.

i just don't understand how you don't miss me.

do you hate me?

did you think i had it in me?

what if i told you i'm back?

i still miss the smoke.

i'm not trying to exaggerate, but i think i might die if it happened.

you look like stevie nicks.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

i still can't believe it.

this happens once every few lifetimes.

didn't you hear? they called it all off.

it's happening again.

my friends say it isn't right to be scared.

i might just die.

fuck you if i can't have us.

tell me about the first time you saw me.

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

no one's ever had me... not like you.

stay away from her.

there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you.

i don't think you've changed much.

that's where i was when i lost it all.

life was always easier on you than it was on me.

i hoped you'd return.

do you believe me now?

what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time?

what are the chances you'd be downtown?

is it something i did?

oh, we must stop meeting like this.

they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware.

i'm not a donor, but i'd give you my heart if you needed it.

looking backwards might be the only way to move forwards.

the story isn't mine anymore.

what a charming saturday!

none of it is changing.

wild winds are death to the candle.

one bad seed kills the garden.

i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine.

this place made me feel worthless.

i didn't want to come down.

everything had been above board.

blood's thick, but nothing like a payroll.

you can mark my words that i said it first.

the professor said to write what you know.

all of this to say, i hope you're okay.

your words are still just ringing in my head.

i built a legacy which you can't undo.

who do i have to speak to to change the prophecy?

the effects were temporary.

no, i'm not coming to my senses.

babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

you're a professional.

long may you reign.

you're an animal. you are bloodthirsty.

now i seem to be scared to go outside.

i don't believe in good luck.

i hate it here.

if i'd been there, i'd hate it.

only the gentle survived.

i'm lonely, but i'm good.

you have no room in your dreams for regrets.

i thought it was just goodbye for now.

are you still a mind reader?

let it once be me.

i haven't decided yet.

i still dream of him.

i'm so afraid i sealed my fate.

it was always the same searing pain.

i can't forgive the way you made me feel.

it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill.

she used to say she wished that you were dead.

tell me all your secrets.

they tried to warn you about me.

you're in terrible danger.

i'm the life you chose.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

no one asks any questions here.

tell me i'm despicable. say it's unforgivable.

i'm running back home to you.

you should see your faces.

you knew the price going in.

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

i don't ever want you back.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

am i allowed to cry?

there's no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk.

they're going to crucify me anyway.

i know i'm just repeating myself.

bianca’s return is heralded by the warmth of a palm,    soft but weighted against the flushed skin valiantly veiling her ribcage,    (the way it swells with the sweet bloating of the heart it engirds).    the woman settles into the seat beside her with all the grace of a danseuse,    writing herself into the peacockery of the barstool roster;    relief escapes elsa in a rustling breath,    the line of her shoulders amending itself to a more genuine relaxation,    rather than simply a facsimile.    she is belabored with a cliché,    snaking between grinning lips and nipping at her dwindling impatience until elsa finds herself smiling back,    even through a primly arched brow and an exasperated roll of the eyes.        ❛❛      that’s all?    and here i thought you’d pull out the,    “what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?”    i fear you may be losing your touch, darling.      ❜❜

no mercy is to be found in the gardens of bacchus, it seems,      for elsa must surely know that there is no chance of survival after the cruel press of her mouth against hers,      bianca drinking the nectar that drips from loving lips like a parched beggar on the desert, only to groan at the loss of it.      completely selfish and demanding, her arm spends no time wrapping around the lean frame she’s memorized every inch of, pulling the girl flush against her,      until the only thing that stops them from merging is mere flesh & bones of an achingly human body, impotent.       there is nothing about elsa that she doesn’t love.      nothing about her that she’d wish gone.      the silent promise of it is pressed to the junction of the pale,      sharp edged jaw where it meets her soft shoulders.       “ mhm, ”       the hum is belated in response, too occupied in collecting the memory of her skin beneath her lips.       a practice of carving the girl to herself in manners that could not be taken away from her by anything so mortal such as time or space.

have you not grown tired of being the kind of person who leaves?      she cannot accuse the years of an unkindness that she herself had inflicted;    time had been a clement consort,    if a little too open-handed with forgiveness,    and it sowed the fledgling hope    (against all hope)    that perhaps rectification was not so forlorn,    that decaying into phantasm did not mean expunction from existence.      she knows now,    however,    that from her would come no apologia.      it is clear that bianca has turned heedless    —    had cauterized the wound of elsa’s departure and would not abide by any further lesions,    least of all by this fair-haired butcher of sentiment.      your savagery!      your mercilessness!      this is what you have made her into.

apologies spilling from the mouth that she had once adored kissing red,      her palm grazes against the rusted railings like it would stop her free fall,     stomach sinking endlessly.     she looks the same as the day that she had left her,     her grace and beauty untouched by the cruelty of time,      even the poor old beggar stepping away with respect in the face of such magnificence.     she remembers how it felt, to have it right there in her faithful palms,      even if it had been for a glimpse, for a brief blink…      the idea that she might have never had it to begin with in the first place is a possibility she denied all along,      not strong enough to face that kind of monster yet.

but elsa in front of her brings all those questions back,     unravels the careful bandages bianca barely managed to put on,     the stitches coming apart.     her nod is dazed, like she’s still trying to pinch herself awake from a cruel fever dream.      it was wrong of me.     right.      “ wrong of you to leave or to come back? ”     she blurts out, before she even thinks it through,     raw heart spilling all its contents to the hems of her pretty emerald dress.      they were both crimes of different degrees.     they were both murders.     elsa, standing as tall as she does,     reminds her of a serial killer that walks the grounds of her murder,      a graveyard haunted by bianca’s pleading love-me eyes.      and there she goes again, a quick babble of words that don’t mean anything to neither of them,     watching the snow fall away from her once again.

he doesn't bother looking at kevin before rising to his feet,  doesn't care a bit whether he would find him scowling or not.  and despite having been made to swear on his best behavior,  neil can't quite suppress the curl of his lips as he walks bianca back to a table full of people dressed in black.

‘  i’ll  find  you  again ,  wherever  we  end  up  next .  ’

‘  the  enormity  of  my  desire  disgusts  me .  ’

‘  please ,  one  more  kiss  in  the  kitchen  before  we  turn  the  lights  off .  ’

‘  i’ve  been  lost  but  i’m  here  now .  you’re  the  only  person  who  has  ever  been  able  to  find  me .  ’

‘  almost  dead  yesterday ,  maybe  dead  tomorrow ,  but  alive ,  gloriously  alive ,  today .  ’

‘  you  are  not  broken .  ’

‘  you  can  love  and  be  loved ,  despite  what  may  feel  like  the  eternally  brutal  nature  of  the  world .  ’

‘  i  did  violence  to  my  own  heart .  ’

‘  will  i  be  forgiven  for  the  sins  i  did  not  commit ,  but  created ?  ’

‘  i  would  never  kiss  anyone  who  doesn’t  burn  me  like  the  sun .  ’

‘  i  would  rather  break  the  world  than  lose  you .  ’

‘  i  think  you  and  i  have  known  each  other  in  a  few  lifetimes .  ’

‘  i  didn’t  know .  i  had  no  idea  how  greedy  my  heart  really  was .  ’

‘  is  that  why  the  idea  of  losing  you  torments  me  so  much ?  ’

‘  how  long  have  i  been  without  you ?  ’

‘  am  i  foolish  for  wanting  this ?  it  will  end  in  flames .  it  always  does .  ’

‘  sorry  about  the  blood  in  your  mouth .  i  wish  it  was  mine .  ’

‘  if  i  love  you ,  is  that  a  fact  or  a  weapon ?  ’

‘  tell  me  how  all  this ,  and  love  too ,  will  ruin  us .  ’

‘  and  you  realize  the  one  person  in  the  world  who  loves  you  isn’t  the  one  you  thought  it  would  be .  ’

‘  it  cannot  be  a  mistake  to  have  cared .  it  cannot  be  an  error  to  have  tried .  it  cannot  be  incorrect  to  have  loved .  ’

‘  finally ,  i  plead  guilty  of  adoring  you .  ’

‘  a  child  weaned  on  poison  considers  harm  a  comfort .  ’

‘  without  realizing ,  i  find  it  in  myself  that  i  cannot  stop  thinking  about  you .  ’

‘  tomorrow ,  when  i  wake  up ,  i  promise ,  i  will  be  better .  ’

‘  someone  has  to  leave  first .  this  is  a  very  old  story .  there  is  no  other  version  of  this  story .  ’

‘  when  i  imagine  myself ,  i  am  always  leaving .  i  couldn’t  draw  my  own  face  if  god  asked .  ’

‘  do  we  simply  stare  at  what’s  horrible  and  forgive  it ?  ’

‘  i  wanted  to  let  go  of  the  pain  even  though  it  was  the  last  thing  that  felt  alive  from  you .  ’

‘  have  i  endured  loneliness  with  grace ?  ’

‘  i’ll  be  your  slaughterhouse ,  your  killing  floor ,  your  morgue  and  final  resting ,  walking  around  with  this  bullet  inside  me  ‘cause  i  couldn’t  make  you  love  me  and  i  am  tired  of  pulling  your  teeth .  ’

‘  and  then  my  soul  saw  you  and  kind  of  went ,  ‘ oh ,  there  you  are .  i’ve  been  looking  for  you . ’  ’

‘  sometimes  it  feels  like  someone  else  is  wearing  my  body .  ’

‘  i  spent  my  life  arguing  how  i  mattered  until  it  didn’t  matter .  ’ 

‘  who  knew  my  haven  would  be  my  coffin ?  ’

‘  dead  is  the  safest  i’ve  ever  been .  ’

‘  i’ve  never  been  so  alive .  ’ 

‘  you  know  what  i  was  gonna  tell  you  before ,  but  didn’t  have  the  nerve ?  you  got  your  name  written  all  over  me .  i  got  my  name  written  on  you ,  too .  ’ 

‘  you  already  are  something .  you  always  were .  and  you  still  have  time  to  be .  ’

‘  you  know  me  by  heart .  it  infuriates  me  that  you  know  me  by  heart .  ’ 

‘  why  am  i  waiting  for  you ?  hungering  and  thirsting  for  you  in  every  cranny  of  my  soul  and  even  in  my  ribs ?  ’ 

‘  you  came  with  a  handful  of  pain  and  a  smile  which  broke  the  ground  under  my  feet  as  the  earthquake  does  when  two  people  meet .  ’

‘  the  only  good  thing  is  that  i’m  getting  used  to  suffering .  ’

‘  the  return  to  time  was  not  my  choice .  ’

‘  we  are  built  to  live  inside  each  other .  this  means  we  are  built  to  ruin .  ’

‘  time  does  not  bring  relief ;  you  all  have  lied .  ’

‘  time  does  not  know  how  to  keep  our  hopes  safe .  ’

‘  you  needed  me  so  much  that  you  had  to  end  me .  ’

‘  there  are  days  where  i  am  morbidly  in  love  with  you ,  and  this  is  one  of  those  days .  ’

‘  i  know  no  end  to  desiring  you .  ’

‘  i  fear  that  i  am  both  too  much  yet  not  enough .  ’

‘  yes ,  yes ,  yes ,  i  do  like  you .  i  am  afraid  to  say  the  stronger  word .  ’ 

‘  a  heart’s  a  heavy  burden .  ’

‘  life ,  as  i  see  it ,  is  all  about  farewells  rather  than  reunions .  ’

‘  heaven  is  real  and  you  only  had  two  minutes  to  prove  it  to  me .  ’

‘  it  was  already  love .  ’

‘  everyone  desires  love  but  also  finds  it  impossible  to  believe  that  they  deserve  it .  ’

‘  i’ll  love  you  until  i  forget  how  to .  ’

‘  i’ll  love  you  until  i  forget  how  to  and  then  i’ll  fall  like  my  knees  aren’t  already  bruised  from  doing  it  and  i’ll  remember  why  you’re  worth  the  ache .  ’

‘  of  course  i’ll  hurt  you .  of  course  you’ll  hurt  me .  of  course  we’ll  hurt  each  other .  but  this  is  the  very  condition  of  existence .  ’

‘  nothing  makes  me  sadder  and  nothing  makes  me  happier  than  you .  ’

‘  i  love  you  and  i  do  not  want  to  love  you ,  it  is  too  much  and  too  difficult .  ’

‘  grief  is  just  love  with  no  place  to  go .  ’

‘  i  felt  my  life  with  both  my  hands  to  see  if  it  was  there .  ’

‘  you  do  this ,  you  do .  you  take  the  things  you  love  and  you  tear  them  apart .  ’

‘  i  hope  it’s  love .  i’m  trying  really  hard  to  make  it  love .  ’

‘  if  you  touch  me  again  i  might  burn  up  in  the  cold  air .  ’

‘  i  asked  you  not  to  leave  several  times .  ’

‘  i’ve  only  adored  you  lifetimes  ago  and  here  we  are .  it’s  nice  to  see  you  again .  ’

‘  all  time  ever  does  is  pass  and  all  i  ever  do  is  remember .  ’

‘  i  feel  as  though  we  were  never  strangers ,  you  and  i ,  not  even  for  a  moment .  ’

‘  i’d  choose  you ;  in  a  hundred  different  lifetimes ,  in  a  hundred  worlds ,  in  any  version  of  reality ,  i’d  find  you  and  i’d  choose  you .  ’

‘  nothing  about  this  is  soft  but  we  pretend .  ’

‘  maybe  you  and  i  are  just  a  dream .  ’

‘  i  know  you  loved  me  too ,  you  knew  me ,  and  it  gladdens  my  heart .  ’

‘  i  promise  i  shall  never  give  up  and  that  i’ll  die  yelling  and  laughing .  ’

‘  i  don’t  do  anything  with  my  life  except  romanticize  and  decay  with  indecision .  ’

‘  the  world  was  made  so  that  we  could  find  each  other  in  it .  ’

‘  you  don’t  meet  the  people  you  love ,  you  recognize  them .  ’

‘  i  think  you  and  i  have  known  each  other  a  few  lifetimes .  ’

‘  this  body  knows  fear  like  a  front  porch  knows  welcome  –  it  is  always  coming  home .  ’

‘  i  miss  you  more  than  i  remember  you .  ’

‘  if  i  could  have  done  it  all  again ,  i  would  have  loved  you  better .  but  i  could  not  have  loved  you  more .  ’

‘  we  could  have  been  happy .  i  know  that ,  and  it  is  perhaps  the  hardest  thing  to  know .  ’

𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂:  𝚆𝙴𝚂𝚃  𝚅𝙸𝚁𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙸𝙰,  𝚄𝚂𝙰.

…  “  that’s  impossible,”  neil  said.  

“  not  really.  they’re  the  only  NCAA  exy  team  in  west  virginia,  so  it  was  as  easy  as  a  vote  and  a  couple  of  signatures.”

“  that’s  impossible,”  neil  said  again.  “  we  can’t  play  the  ravens.  what  sane  board  pits  the  best  and  worst  teams  against  each  other?  ”  

𝙲𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙻𝙴  𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙴,  𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙾𝙽,  

Jean cannot hide his sneer at that; it twists his features unpleasantly and renders his grey eyes even colder and more distant. Even now, a year free of the Nest, her admission is unwelcome. If you cared, you would have stopped when I asked, he doesn't say, because, when he looks at her, he can't not think about her begging Riko to stop and Riko's cold, sadistic answering smile.

He looks away and rubs absently at the 3 that still marks his cheek. He can feel the faint texture of the tattoo scar; he drops his hand almost guiltily.

"I know," he allows, instead of the vitriol and accusations that he might have once spewed. Things have changed. Distance might have been the best thing for them.

"It was not always welcome." It was once a weakness, a wedge driven between them, a stick to beat him with. Even now, he feels a prickle at the back of his neck though he knows that he's not doing anything wrong by speaking to her alone. Jeremy is not Riko; Riko is not here; Riko is gone; Jean and Bianca can speak for as long as they want without fear of discovery and the ensuing punishment.

He steps away all the same.