I said I’d love you until I couldn’t any longer- and I no longer can.

i remember everything. the freckle on your cheek. the way your voice sounded after the first taste of sleep hit your tongue and your tired eyes cradled my gaze so gently I couldn’t help but feel tired too. i remember your hands, and the way your fingers knew the outline of my naked body as if they were created for that purpose and that purpose alone. i remember your laugh and the way your smile pushed your cheeks up in such a way that your eyes were lost in pure happiness, but the glow and the sparkle always crept their way through your eyelashes. i remember the rhythm of your heart, and how it pounded against my eardrums. i remember that being my favorite song. i remember how you broke my heart the first time, and every time after that, as if it was okay, as if I gave you permission to do so. i remember loving you, sitting in a pool of my own tears. i remember drowning, unable to breathe. i remember reaching out for help and gasping for air. i remember climbing out, damp and afraid. i remember apologizing for getting your shoes wet. i remember falling in love, and losing everything i once was and hating what i, what you, what we had become. i remember leaving. fuck, i wish i could forget.

You can’t get over something you keep thinking before you sleep.

He seems to be doing fine without you, doesn’t he? Like all those memories, all that time spent together, was nothing. Do you see him continuing on with life as if nothing had ever happened? Or even worse, do you already see him flirting with other girls even though it’s only been a couple of days since you guys broke up? It’s okay, really. You don’t have to pretend to be fine. You don’t have to go on dates with boys you couldn’t care less about, and post pics with them on Instagram just to show him that you’re doing fine, too. You don’t have to look flawless every day with perfect make up and hair, and go to parties and pretend you’re having the time of your life, when all you’d rather be doing is sit at home with a carton of ice cream and watch sad movies. It’s okay to cry; it’s okay to miss him, go over pictures of you two. It’s okay to not delete those messages on your phone, contrast to what all the break up advices say. A broken heart needs time to heal, after all. And him? He will realise his mistake, I assure you baby. One day it will hit him that no, it’s not her that he’d rather wake up in bed with, but you. He’s going to realise that it’s not her fake blondes and highlights that he wants, but rather your soft brown hair that always reminded him of chocolates. Her strong perfume might have enchanted him momentarily, but he’s going to wake up one day and realise it’s the smell of your lavender shampoo he misses the most. So he’s going to come crawling back to you; one day you might wake up to a 3AM drunken text message from him; the boy who you cried your heart out for several months ago. You used to stay up till small hours, hoping against hope that he’d be thinking about you too at this time and send a message. All those late nights going over cute pictures of you two together, of late night conversations you two had shared. All those tears shed longing for him. By the time he reaches out for you again, you would have left all of it behind. So let yourself cry. Let yourself mourn and be heartbroken. Let your heart recover from the last time it was broken.