Actually No Clue

never bitch

I was telling my mom that I’m kind of dreading having a private practice someday because it’ll mean working lots of late nights to accommodate my clients’ schedules and make enough money, and as I know from working 12-8 last year, that’ll wreck my social life. She was like, “So you’ll have a social life on the weekends.” And I’m like, and what, spend every weekday night alone in my apartment because it’s too late to go out and see people? She gave me this knowing look and was like, “Well, hopefully you won’t be *alone*…”

That’s when it hit me that this thing–this whole monogamous couple/nuclear family ideal thing–directly enables work to take over our entire lives. Because, yes, if I had someone living in my house–in my bedroom, even–who prioritizes me higher than anyone else in his (because, let’s face it, it would always be a he in this scenario) life, who doesn’t sleep with or date any other people, who treats his free time as our shared time, who drops plans with friends or family the moment I need him, who convincingly promises to never leave me–if I had someone like that, and if I believed in that fantasy, then yes, I’d be fine working late every night and coming home at 9. I could see my friends on weekends sometimes, but I wouldn’t *need* to because I’d never be lonely or bored.

Because however you look at it, cultivating and maintaining a group of friends and a broader social circle or community takes more effort–especially more *intentional* effort–than cultivating just one person with whom you share your life. When we have to work unreasonable hours just to get by, guess which one’s more likely to fall by the wayside?

(via kushandwizdom)

Sometimes things are great! Sometimes… they’re really, really not. This is my personal plan for fixing everything when I don’t know what to do, and I thought other people might find it helpful. If you identify with this sentiment, but don’t think this is the right way for you to work on the problems you’re facing, that’s totally fine, and sometimes these aren’t things to work through by yourself.

This is what works for me, but really consider what your goals are and consider this as less of a how-to and more of possible framework to figure out where you want to go. A lot of this also refers to managing things within my apartment that aren’t super applicable if you aren’t the one responsible for your own groceries say. Use what’s useful and skip what’s not. You’ve got this.

Step One: Breathe, baby. This probably feels awful, whatever’s going on. Icky maybe. And that’s something that should change, but before the visible problems can shift, take a look at how you’re taking care of yourself right now. This step is the reset button - just a beginner’s step in areas that are central and maybe stressing you out. Stop the cycle of whatever was throwing you off.

I like to start with the executive function stuff. There might be a lot you feel like you have a lot to do - it’s been a while since things have been good about notes on all those readings, right? But unless there’s something absolutely 100% immediate and pressing, this first:

Drink some water. Wash your water bottle or a cup you like to drink from. Just one dish. The rest of them can wait just a little bit longer. Keep remembering to drink water. You’ll feel better.

How’s your room? Can you do some laundry? Get some things in the trash? Make your bed? Start with a single task that will get some things off the floor, but doesn’t feel scary. Leave the rest of it. You can fix it later.

When was the last time you ate something? Has it been a while? If there’s something at home, good. Eat that. If there isn’t, go pick something up from somewhere you feel safe. Worry about vegetables later. Eat anything right now.

Find somewhere you feel comfortable. Pick something acheivable. Do that thing. Whatever you’re ready for. Nothing scary. Nothing heavy. Spend some doing enough work that you feel like you’re being productive again; like you’ve finished something because you have! Then come back. Do you feel better?

In the interest of space, the rest is under the cut. :)

(via words-of-emotion)