i'm just like you... but better

Hey there! It’s your friendly, neighborhood, South Floridian. If you’re considering moving to South Florida, I have one warning for you:

1. Don’t be a single, college-educated woman looking for love.

Ft. Lauderdale is literally the worst place for women like us to date. I wish I was kidding. It’s the pits.

If you’ve read my most recent post about having a long-distance crush, it’s not because I’m psycho obsessed and lovelorn. It’s because there are literally no decent guys down here (the last one got engaged a week ago)... You have to outsource your dating life in order to find someone remotely decent.

First, lemme tell you about the guys down here.

The guys down here are rarely, if ever, college-educated. If they are, they’re usually taken, aren’t interested in a relationship because they are focusing on their careers (because it takes so much thought and concentration), supposedly just got out of a serious relationship (keyword: supposedly), or are straight-up players and douchebags. And the reason why is because the ratio for college-educated women to college-educated men is nearly 2:1. That’s almost doubled!! Fuck that noise. I’m not a competitive person. Plus, I don’t feel like competing for a decent guy who has no interest in a relationship.

Noncollege-educated men are even more prevalent. They usually work crazy hours in order to manage their lifestyles of pretending to be rich and about something. They tend to have hobbies like being a rapper, music producer, guitarist in a band. Hobbies in which they feel will get them ahead in life. Now, I’m not the one to doubt anyone’s goals. However, if you’re not making any money from it, smoke weed every day and are still confused as to why you’re broke as shit, then maybe you shouldn’t have quit your day job.

You’re probably thinking this is the case everywhere. It’s not. The fact that decent heterosexual men have told me that the men down here are shitty douchebags, that’s a really bad sign. The fact that they noticed how other guys are is incredibly tragic. 

I told everyone that the guy I like rejected me even though I never told him my feelings for him because I didn't want my friends to bring him up in conversation anymore.

Plus, I'm about 99.999% sure he doesn't feel the same way about me anyway. It's a long distance crush, so I already felt/feel stupid for having it, but I've never in my life felt this way about someone.

Now, I'm sitting here debating whether or not I should tell him how I feel just to get it off of my chest. Oh, teenage angst! ...except I'm a 25-year-old with a degree and a full-time job and bills to pay. What I'm saying is that I shouldn't be this old feeling this way. 

At least, I don’t think so.

But I’m selfish.

I want everyone I love to be near me.

The thought of anyone straying away from me is heart-wrenching.

And that’s a mere thought.

When it actually happens, it’s something unfathomable. Something so difficult to swallow, so difficult to digest, you feel like throwing up.

Your stomach physically hurts.

Regurgitating incomprehensible words that you hope form sentences that are a bit palpable to the listener’s ear.

Whoever that’ll be.

You want to talk to everyone, yet nobody at all.

You want to take on the world, yet shy into a corner.

You don’t know what to do.

But you do.

You want to talk to them one last time.

Just rewind time, and talk to them.

Say what you wanted to say and hope to God they take you seriously.

I wouldn’t really call it dating. More so me wasting my time listening to you. Because that’s what I did: listen. You never really gave me a chance to talk because you ran your damn mouths every fucking time we would talk on the phone or meet up in person. Just because I’m in to video games and I told you what I like to do doesn’t mean there isn’t more to me than that. Fuck you guys. One guy in particular named Tie. I honestly don’t care if you see this because you sure as hell didn’t care what I had to say anyway. Tumblr readers, this dude was sooooo fucking pessimistic. Every conversation we would have would turn negative real quick. And not the emo sad, dark kind of negative. The Oh my God talking to this nigga is draining my energy kind of negative. I’d come home from talking to this guy fuming as if we had an argument. And don’t get me wrong Tumblrs(sp?), I enjoy a heated debate as much as the next woman. But when you’re talking to someone who cuts you off after every 9 words or so that comes out of your mouth, you have that realization mid-convo of Why the hell am I talking to this guy? Why can’t he let me get my point across ever? I’d come home fuming because I had so much to say that I couldn’t say because he kept cutting me off. And then this dude would have the audacity to text me after I left saying “great conversation!” WHAT CONVERSATION DID WE HAVE?! The one where you just ran your mouth like it was trying to win the cross country Olympics? Even on the phone this guy would run his mouth. I would legit doze off and on on the phone with him waking up in time to hear the last 4 words he says and then agree or mumble something coherent. That’s all he needed. What I don’t understand anymore is why don’t a lot of guys ask questions past “How was your day?” For example here’s a typical conversation I would have with a guy:

Guy: Hey how was your day?

Me: It was alright. Work kinda sucked. Boss was on my back all day! How was your day?

Guy: Well it all started in 1919.... [rants for 5 hours]