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“I want to exist from my own force, like the sun which gives light and does not suck light.”

The opposite of anxiety is not calmness, it is desire. Anxiety and desire are two, often conflicting, orientations to the unknown. Both are tilted toward the future. Desire implies a willingness, or a need, to engage this unknown, while anxiety suggests a fear of it. Desire takes one out of oneself, into the possibility of relationship, but it also takes one deeper into oneself. Anxiety turns one back on oneself, but only onto the self that is already known. There is nothing mysterious about the anxious state; it leaves one teetering in an untenable and all too familiar isolation. There is rarely desire without some associated anxiety: We seem to be wired to have apprehension about that which we cannot control, so in this way, the two are not really complete opposites. But desire gives one a reason to tolerate anxiety and a willingness to push through it.

hi sorry i have a question. how do you become a person. how do you develop the will to be a person. i have sadly proven unkillable

We live in a mysterious world that does not fully explain itself. We occupy a time and a place that seemingly lies between two eternities. Nevertheless, through some unfathomable benediction beyond the known self, we have the power to create a life both within and beyond ourselves, to transfigure the image of the self, and to transcend a world not of our making into a world that we ourselves have created, given meaning to, and lived. There is an element of mystery to human origins and there is an element of the secret behind the true nature of the universe that we may never fully fathom; but there must also be a revelatory source of knowledge to enlighten the dark mysteries that surround us and there must be a corresponding means of perfection as the true path to fulfillment.