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Casey: I can fit the entire world in my hands.

Dennis: That’s impos-

Casey: [cups Dennis’ face]

Dennis:

Dennis, voice cracking: I have a reputation.

#casey cooke #dennis #this ship sailed itself #split #incorrect split quotes #s: tumblr

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[bursting into the room]

Casey: Guys, I did something terrible.

Dennis, immediately: [serious] It’s okay, I have a shovel.

Casey: Wait, what? Wait, what do you think I did?

Dennis: It doesn’t matter, Casey, no one will ever know.

#this ship sailed itself #dennis #casey cooke #split #incorrect split quotes #s: one day at a time #this is for the one person who keeps reblogging stuff even after years of inactivity #thank you Martina you’re a real one

Goddard: I guarantee my last words will probably be sarcastic.

#goddard #split #incorrect split quotes #s: the internet

Orwell: You should treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Ansel: Killed without hesitation.

#orwell #ansel #split #incorrect split quotes #s: tumblr #[SPN lucifer's voice]: GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!#are we still alive or have we given up on this bitch of a life like Ansy yet?

Dennis: Peekaboo is essentially just making fun of babies for not understanding object permanence.

Luke: I’ve made fun of babies for less.

#dennis #luke #split #incorrect split quotes #s: tumblr

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Judge: For your crimes, we sentence you to 68 years in jail.

Luke, voice cracking: Can you…

Luke: Can you add one more year?

#judge #luke #split #incorrect split quotes #s: tumblr

B.T: Up until I was like 9, I thought that gunpoint was an actual place where crimes happened.

Mr. Pritchard: How is that possible?

B.T: Well think about it, you always hear it on the news. “A man is being held up at gunpoint”, “Tourists are being terrorized at gunpoint”. And I just kept thinking ‘why do people continue to go there?’

#b.t #mr. pritchard #split #incorrect split quotes #s: friends

Ansel: Funny story, I made coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Ian: How do you feel?!

Ansel: My heart stopped beating two hours ago.

#ansel #ian #incorrect split quotes #s: twitter

Barry: I regret giving you that blender.

Hedwig, drinking a candy cane: Why?

#barry #hedwig #split #incorrect split quotes #s: incorrect-hp

Jade: Do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have the same personality as me?

#jade #split #incorrect split quotes #s: unknown

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Dennis: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.

Patricia: I’d say even infinitesimally.

Hedwig: And I’d say teenily-weenily. I get it, we’re all good at words.

#dennis #patricia #hedwig #the horde #split #incorrect split quotes #s: brooklyn nine nine

Beast: Is four a lot?

Casey: Depends on the context. Dollars no, bodies yes.

#the beast #casey cooke #split #incorrect split quotes #s: strangemischief

Barry, exasperated: Luke, this is a crime scene!

Luke, pulling three ice cream containers from the victim’s freezer: Oh, is this the murder weapon? Get off my dick!

#barry #luke #split #incorrect split quotes #s: vine

Luke: I didn't do that. Your son did.

Dennis: What?

Luke, pointing at Hedwig: Him.

Dennis: Hedwig’s not my son, he’s just- Does everyone think he's my son?

#luke #dennis #hedwig #incorrect split quotes #s: parks and rec

Luke: Rubbing alcohol is for my outside injuries.

Luke: Drinking alcohol is for my inside injuries.

Ian, concerned: Babe, no…

#luke #ian #this ship sailed itself #incorrect split quotes #s: onetiredyouth

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Dennis, trying to flirt: You're like an angel with no wings.

Casey: So, like a person.

#he’s trying his best #dennis #casey cooke #this ship sailed itself #split #incorrect split quotes #s: parks and rec

Norma, about Heinrich: He’s just the biggest asshole ever.

Casey: You’re not explaining what he did.

Norma: He just breathes.

#norma #casey cooke #heinrich #UST #this ship sailed itself #incorrect split quotes #s: pinterest

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