110th Special Investigators @incorrectreacherquotes - Tumblr Blog

O’Donnell : I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?

Reacher, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

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*While the Squad is in a battle*

Neagley , trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

O’Donnell : Take it back now y'all!

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O’Donnell : I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Reacher, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

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Reacher: I have a lie detector in my shirt.

Dixon: …What? Weirdo. Take it off, then.

Orozco: Why do you want them to take off their shirt?

Dixon: WHAT- NO I DON’T…

Reacher: beep… beep…

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Lowrey : When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.

O’Donnell : And?

Lowrey : And you are.

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Reacher: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

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Reacher: While I'm gone, you're in charge O’Donnell .

O’Donnell : Yes!

Reacher, whispering to Swan: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad.

Swan: Obviously.

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Neagley: I’m gonna kill you.

Reacher: Get in line!

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*Casually in the Middle of a High Stakes/Dangerous Situation*

Sanchez: How do you eat pickles?

Orozco: What do you mean?

Sanchez: I mean, there's a whole process. It's not like you can grab them from the jar with your hand, because it's cold and the juice burns if you have a cut, plus, it's pretty unsanitary. And you can't use a spoon because you'll have to scoop it out, and it'll be way too difficult to grab more than three or four without taking 10 minutes along with half the brine in the jar, even if it's one with holes.

Orozco: Yeah, that's why you use a fork.

Sanchez: Okay, sure, but what if you don't have one of the big ones clean? It's weird to use a small one. But there is always one of those smaller sharp knives clean.

Orozco: But the straight edge doesn't really fit the cylindrical shape, and you have to make sure you don' t break it, it's too much work.

Sanchez: It makes me feel like I deserve the pickles though. Like, "Yeah, I did it. That's right. Good job me." It's empowering. But even after that, it's not like you can use a bowl.

Orozco: I get that, it's not ascetically pleasing.

Sanchez: Exactly! And it looks weird if you don't entirely fill the bowl, but you also can't eat that many. My solution: Use a mug.

Orozco: *Nods in agreement*

O’Donnell : That is all very interesting, BUT WE'RE TRYING NOT TO DIE RIGHT NOW! USE YOUR LIMITED ATTENTION SPANS AND FOCUS!

Sanchez: Jeez, okay.

Orozco: Quit yelling at us already.

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O’Donnell : *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Reacher: *in the cell next to them* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.

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