Words Words Words

Person A: I mean you've threatened to kill me a bunch of times. You once told me you were gonna drown me in a river like a kangaroo.

“I don’t follow rules. I follow dogs on social media.”

[Robber pulls a gun and says “gimme all your money!”]

Person A: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?

Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Person A: This is your fault, Person B! I’m gonna pluck you out, melt you down and make a fucking necklace!

Person A: Do you take constructive criticism?

Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes

It's so addictive, right? I play so much that when I close my eyes at night, I just see Tetris cubes instead of my normal dizzying array of flashing lights.

Person A: met a dumbass today, awful

Person B, you’re a twink. I’m gonna go smoke some weed now.