Welcome to Gotham City

Bruce: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess? Batmom: Your life? Bruce: I- well yes, but-

Jason: The Ocean is a soup. Batmom: Batmom: Do elaborate. Jason: What are needed for something to be a soup? Batmom: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine. Jason: *Tilts head* Batmom: The Ocean is a Soup. Jason: The Ocean is a Soup.

Jason: Consider the fundraising over! Your hero has arrived! Duke: Uhh… where did you get so much money from, Jason? Jason: Well, you know, I’m pretty good at numbers. I just crunched them, I stretched them, I analyzed my accounts, I timed the market- *police sirens start to wail in the background* Duke: DID YOU ROB A BANK?! Jason: Oh, come on, Duke, do you really think so little of me? *opens the bag as purple dye explodes on their face* Duke: Jason: …it was a credit union.

Damian: Guess what? Cass: What? Damian: No, you have to guess. Cass, thinking: I don’t know. Damian: Tim is in the hospital. Cass: Why would you make me guess that?! Cass: What happened?!

Jason: I was just diagnosed with deez. Damian: Good, I hope it’s lethal.

Bruce: I just realized… I had a bad childhood. Batmom, sipping her coffee: Yeah, I know. Bruce: What do you mean you know? Batmom: Look at you. Bruce: What do you mean, look at me? Batmom: Look at how you stand. Bruce: Batmom: People who had good childhoods don’t stand like that.

Tim: Everyone synchronize your watches. Damian: I don't know how to do that. Dick: I don't wear a watch. Jason: Time is a construct.

Batmom: Wow, you're so brave! You didn't even hesitate to throw yourself in danger! Damian: That's because I have no regard for my own personal safety. You can ask Bruce! Bruce: I have never been more stressed in my entire life

Batmom: We've got to find a way to cut down on expenses. What can we live without? Damian: Probably Tim.

Bruce: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Batmom: Strong. Jason: Weak. Damian: An idiot, is what your are.

Bruce: You are grounded, for...till college. Jason: For till college?! Bruce: FOR TILL COLLEGE!

Damian: What is love? Jason: An emotional minefield. Tim: A neurochemical reaction. Dick: Baby don't hurt me.

Alfred: Bruce ... Bruce : Oh no, 'Bruce ' in B flat. Bruce : You're disappointed.

Jason: Dick’s gonna be okay. I made him a PB&J. He said he didn't want it, so I ate it. Jason: He was still sad, so I made him another PB&J. He didn't want that one either, so I ate it. Jason: Anyway, Dick wants to be alone for a while, and we're out of peanut butter.

Dick: Are you trying to give me a fucking aneurysm? Tim: Pretty sure we all are. Batmom: I wasn't. Damian: I was. Bruce: I was trying to stop them, for your consideration. Jason: I just cause aneurysms naturally.

Bruce: So, your mother is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night. Damian: Why? Bruce: Because I've caught her trying to train the raccoons how to fight five times in a row. Batmom, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

Bruce: What happened?! Jason: Do you want the long version or the short version? Bruce: Short?? Jason: Shit's fucked. Bruce: Okay, long. Jason: Shit's very fucked.