“that's fucked up...”

Aleks: on the phone with James

James: “Look, I’m Aleks! I'd rather be anywhere than here! I'm all about long sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silence! So what's it gonna be: long sullen silence or a mean comment? Go on, take your pick!”

Brett: “Don’t you just love hearing your joints crack and pop right after you wake up?”

James: “Aleks stole my giant dildo! That’s a hate crime!”

James: “Care to explain why there are six golden retriever puppies sitting in our house?”

James: “You’re obviously not even listening to me, so I might as well just say whatever I want.”

James: “Trevor! You're like ten!”

Brett, holding up a fancy bottle: “Is this whiskey or perfume?”

Jakob: “Since I joined CowChop, I’ve been kicked in the nuts, stabbed, set on fire, poisoned, kicked in the nuts, partially bitten, kicked in the nuts, and declared legally dead! Twice in the same day!”

Educated Guest: “You can’t dig through the middle of the earth—your shovel would just melt.”

James: “We have to stay cool. It’s like my mom always used to say: If a cop handcuffs you to a bike rack, there’s always something you can gnaw through.”

Trevor: “I’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days, so I’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”

Aleks: “Hey, remember when you kicked yourself off the chair?”

Aleks: “So I accidentally slept with James last week.”

Brett: “One bonus of being an adult is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching the others cry inside.”

James: "And I’ve made the decision to trust you--"