Ally to Ivy after she finished eating: Guess Who Just Got MURDERED! Source: Brooklyn 9-9.
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@incorrectahsquotes
Ally to Ivy after she finished eating: Guess Who Just Got MURDERED! Source: Brooklyn 9-9.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Elsa: I'd like everybody's attention. Due to Ma Petite's death, Christmas is canceled. Ethel: You can't cancel a holiday. Elsa: Keep it up, Ethel, and you'll lose New Year's. Ethel: What does that mean? Elsa: Dell, take New Year's away from Ethel.
(Source: The Office)
Cordelia: Well, every day begins about the same. I wake up screaming in terror because of the blackness and I think I’m dead. Fiona: Every day? Cordelia: Yes! Every day! And then I begin what’s called “The Great Adventure.” Making breakfast. I’ve eaten everything from nails to drink coasters. One time I bit hard into a marble ashtray, thinking it was a savory waffle. I wanted that waffle so bad! Completely shattered my teeth. Fiona: Couldn’t you tell the ashtray wasn’t hot like a waffle? Cordelia: No! I couldn’t, because I’m blind! I’m not blind twenty-three hours a day or twenty-two hours a day, I’m blind the whole Goddamn time! Do you have any idea what it’s like to drink a half a bottle of ketchup thinking it was a bottle of 1946 Châteauneuf-du- Pape? I even decanted it. Fiona: If you drank half a bottle of that, that’s…that’s like…that’s like nine or ten gulps. I mean, you couldn’t tell that was ketchup? Cordelia: Did I stutter? I’m ba-lind!
Source: Anchorman 2
Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car.
Mallory
Basically everyone (God included): You don’t have to be evil Michael, you can be good. Let us help you.
Michael:

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Mr. Gallant: *drops from ceiling*
Mr. Gallant: *slaps floor*
Mr. Gallant: i'm GAY
michael: are you my father?
goat: dO I LOOK
Moira: Go take a psychology course. Try to figure out who gave you such disgusting mommy issues.
Tate: I mean it was probably, ya know, my mom.
When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues have made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Michael
When will you learn...that YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?
Ben to Michael, Vivien to Ben, Ben to Tate, Constance to Tate, Violet to Tate

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Michael: *does anything*
Violet: This is why mom doesn’t FUCKING LOVE YOU.
tate: michael, michael
michael: yes papa?
tate: going through my shit?
michael: no papa
tate: TELLING LIES?
michael: *crying* NO PAPA
I may be dead, but I’m still pretty.
-Tate Langdon
this isn’t an incorrect ahs quote anymore lmao
I know! I felt pretty awesome when he said it.
Madison: All it takes is faith and trust. Oh, and something I forgot. Dust.
Violet: Dust?
Madison: Yup. Just a little bit of pixie dust.
Ben: There’s only one thing worse than a rapist.
Tate: A child.
Ben: No.

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tate @ michael
Michael: True evil is born through pain and loss...when I was a lad, I once had a toy train...and then one day... I lost it.
Tate: That’s...that’s it?