Incorrect Smoshblr

~ ♪ ~

Courtney: So I call my doctor, and was like “Can I please see you?” 

Courtney: and she was like, “Yes! 10am Tomorrow!”

Courtney: So I came in, 10am the next day,  and was like, “May I please see my doctor now?”

Courtney: and the receptionist was like, “No! You’re not on the schedule!”

Courtney: So I forced her to argue with me for like 10 minutes, cause I was like, “I called yesterday, we’re family friends, she loves me, my doctor, and she said to come in. Please let me go see her.”

Courtney: and she just kept on saying “No!” and I was like “Ma’am!”

Courtney: “I’m tired! I haven’t slept in 3 days! I’ve been lightheaded for 48 hours and I’m being ghosted by a girl I thought was hot! Please let me see her!!”

Courtney: so she let me see her, and I got to see my doctor! :)

(Source: ohboyohmeohmy)

~ ♪ ~

Joven: I was murdered, I was called the fuck out! Plot twist, so apparently, you’re supposed to say- “It was this many months ago, It was this many years ago!”

Joven: And not, “It was three boyfriends ago” which is something I keep doing for some reason, eh!

(Source: jeeshthepeesh)

~ ♪ ~

Monica: *snaps a “Sounds Gay I’m In” fan* Happy pride month children! I said this when I blew up, and I’m gonna say it again! No matter what your sexual orientation, identity or gender is- You are loved and accepted on my account! So go out there, be gay, do crime in the month of June! Whee!!

(Source: radicalslinky)

~ ♪ ~

Shayne: So, everyone knows how to unroll all their windows with a clicker, but another feature in a car- iS A FUCKING GAS PEDAL!!! MOOOOVE!!!!!!

(Source: danielbochkov *mainly for the voice*)

~ ♪ ~

@MattRaub: So, what do we say when life gets hard?

Damien: I guess you gotta chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and move on!

@MattRaub: noooo *facepalm*

(Source: koolaid_97)

~ ♪ ~

Joven: People really be out here, speaking like 3 languages fluently. I was BORN as a native English speaker, and I still can’t speak English. Today, I forgot the word for Tomato. I just looked at it on the counter and said “tHAT THING!”

(Source: mr_brightside_)

~ ♪ ~

Lasercorn: aND Now It’s time for Hot Tea🍵, A segment where we tell it like it is! Let’s talk to all the gay-bashing Chads out there. I’m talking to the people who like to troll people’s comments or call anybody “gay” that they feel threatened by.

Lasercorn: Because apparently, the idea of being homosexual is absolutely hilarious to you guys, let’s talk. 

Lasercorn: You have absoluely zero room to talk because you’ve been gay for at least a third of your lives! Or have you already forgotten the days of Elementary school? Let me refresh your memory. “Hey son, any girls at school you think are cute?”

Lasercorn *in a higher pitched voice*: “Ew Dad, girls are gross! I just wanna hang with BOIS!”

Lasercorn *back to normal voice*: Now if you ask me, that’s pretty gay bud. Or how about this obsession with drawing dicks on everything, huh? In mind, that some of them are in some pretty vivid detail! How many dicks have you been looking at Chad?! Also, as a strong Ally of the LGBTQ community, I can personally tell you that these people can roast you under a bus in five seconds for, i dunno, your shitty taste in women, or your lack of fashion sense, I’m talking to you, Socks-With-Sandals! But you know what? They won’t! Because they’re not assholes like you. So how about all you Chads do the world a favor and love thy neighbor. Because we’re all stuck here in the same living space. We might as well get used to being in each other’s company. Thanks for coming to my ChadTalk.

(Source: ethantrace)

~ ♪ ~

Tommy: Y’know, I’ve been thinking. What if my preferred pronouns, instead of he, she, they, it’s just bitch.

(Source: rennyornot)

~ ♪ ~

Shayne: Hey man, what should I do with my plate?

Damien *in another room*: Just put it in the sink!

Shayne: *throws plate at the sink, shattering it*

Damien *still in another room*: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!

(Source: theonesieguy)

~ ♪ ~

Tommy: So, I have a million dollar idea! If you are over the age of 50, and comment on the fact that I’m wearing a crop top, or nail polish- Mind your own damn business Cameron! I will fuck your son!

(Source: jeeshthepeesh)

~ ♪ ~

Olivia: I just wanna know where the Country accent came from, because it’s American to my knowledge. And in the beginning of America we were a bunch of ethnicities piled up together tryna talk English. But how the fuck did we get from “Oi bruv!” to “hOWDY PARTNER!”

(Source: paperboatboy)

~ ♪ ~

Ian *In a turtle onesie*: I mean like everyone’s like, “2019! Save the Turtles! Save the Turtles!” But like, all of us?? I dunno, we’re all not great people. My second brother, Robert? Piece of shit. I’d take a goddamn McFlurry straw and just, *pop* right through the nostrils. I don’t give a shit about him. 

Ian: And I mean, you think this shit is any fucking better? I mean my straw has literal whiskey dick, like what am I supposed to do with this?? This looks like an alcoholic elephant that just found out his father passed away. 

Ian: Oh, just because I’m a turtle, I’m not allowed to get choked? What? I can’t have a little bit of fun? In my own fucking house?! How big of bitches do you think we are? My wife just laid 200 eggs. 200!! You think a little fuckin plastic straw from Wendy’s is gonna take her out?!

Ian: Oh! Fucking trust me, I’ve tried. 

Ian: They have these new metal straws? Do you guys not know what the fuck RUST is? Now I gotta get a Tetanus shot! Oh yeah! Cause those guys are fucking permamente in the fucking Pacific?! Do you know how hard it is, for a turtle, to get a Tetanus shot?! Motherfucker, you gotta have insurance, bro! The only insurance I got is this piece of shit shell, that I’ve had for 18o years! 

(Source: trevorwallace)

~ ♪ ~

Keith: If a friend sends you this, just follow my lead! 

Keith: We’re gonna write out a one, then write out a three!

Keith: Invert an exclaim, then a T at the end, round off with a -CH, and that’s what you mean! 

Keith: You’re a bitch! You’re a bitch! 

(Source: easyise)

~ ♪ ~

Joven: How woke do you have to be to be sponsored by Water bro…

Sohinki: This video is sponsored by the ocean

Lasercorn: That’s so stupid. 

Lasercorn *in a weird voice*: Yo this video is sponsored by Fire.

Lasercorn: You ever, you ever be like cold and shi? Try FIRE!

Joven: *walrusing*

Flitz: You tryna light your blunt but you left your lighter, in the car?? 

Lasercorn and Flitz together: tRY FIRE

Sohinki *laughing*: tRy fIrE!!

Wes: Is this when like cavemen are YouTubers. You can only be sponsored by Fire and Water?

Wes: Use Code: OOh for your next 15% off

(Source: kylewooden)

~ ♪ ~

Mari *after getting injured again*: Can someone please take me to the hospital?? If you need to kow, my blood type is, red. *faints*

i couldnt find these anywhere so i made some gay heart and sparkle emojis for discord! you can use these, it’d be cool if you could give a like/reblog if you do! 

Inspired by this post!

—

Damien: I do a lot of dumb stuff

Cherrie: And I witnessed the dumb stuff.

—-

Knife and Literally Anyone: fist fighting behind the counter.

Everyone else: can I get a waffle please? Can I please get a waffle??

—-

Lynn: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people opener” ?

Damien: Should I not have ?

—-

Damien: *sitting on the couch relaxing*

Cinna: *quietly walks in with a pride flag, starts eating it*

Damien: This is why Lynn doesn’t FUCKING love you !

—

tags: @daddy-needs-his-munge, @thegaygermangamer, @knifeleakjr, @whatisasmosh

Cinna and Damien: *throws phone and break skateboard*

——

Me @ my Children: wHeN wiLl yOu lEaRn? that your acTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

——

Cass: *about hurting the CDP Characters* Am I️ gonna do it? Yes. When am I️ gonna do it? Could be to- *hurts character*

Fandom: *high pitched screech*

——

Ian: I️ cheated on you

Ian: *sprays Pam on accident*

The Smosh Fandom: *Windows Error Noise*

——

These are just a couple!

cass: are you crazy? we’re not medically trained to help people.

damien: i know DDR

cherrie: wHAT?

damien: it’s what you do when people can’t breath. DDR.

lynn: it’s not DDR..

damien: yes, it is.

cinna: you can’t dance dance revolution on people’s lungs.

damien: you can try.

—

lynn: everything’s wrong. the stress of being a mother has caused me to go into a depression.

cinna: depression? isn’t that just a fancy word for being bummed out?

lynn: cinna, you ignorant slut.

—

cherrie: mom, I’m hungry.

lynn: i can make those grilled cheese sandwiches you like, with the crusts cut off?

cherrie: mom, I’m mature… I eat the crusts now.

—

damien: cass, I’m out to lunch. if the sims trapped in their bed room finally fall in love page me IMMEDIATELY. yes, I know they look like Shayne and Damien..

—

cinna: y’all don’t know about my knife shoes.

cass: ice skates..

cinna: blocked.

—

—

Damien/Cherrie: birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let’s do it, let’s go hurtling into a sliding glass door and fucking die

—

Me: *finds the most chaotic people in the chat* my children

—

Me *reblogging anything*: no proofreading we die like wo(men)

—

Random person: so who’s in charge here

Maddy *surrounded by literal chaos*: usually whoever yells the loudest

—

The fandom: before you judge me for doing something dumb keep in mind that I️ have 14% of a braincells and she’s alone in there it’s dark and scary and she’s doing her best

Knife and their 3 brain cells: can’t relate 💅

—

Damien: you call it “really bad at darts”, I️ call it freestyle acupuncture

Jorja: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave

—

Jorja: I️ want to achieve “she’s adorable and I️ will protect her at all costs but I am slightly frightened by her power”

—

Me: you have bde. Big dumbass energy

My children: thanks!

—

Cass: yesterday I️ yote my water bottle through the hallway

Me: did you just use yeet in the past tense?

—

-

Lynn: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest it sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you’re gonna die.

Joe: My favorite is “butt dial” versus “booty call”

Cass: It’s called connotation

Maddy: Try this one on for size: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “Sorry Daddy I’ve been naughty”

Damien: Great news! Language is cancelled!

-

Me, addressing the discord: I’ve come to the conclusion that none of you fear god,

-

Knife, throwing food at ducks: Do not forget this act of altruism. If I am ever in trouble I expect you and your brethren to come to my aid. Do not forget

-

Professor: Ally!

Ally: *prepares to step forward*

Sorting Hat: HUFFLEPUFF!

Ally: But I didn’t even wear you yet!

Sorting Hat: It’s your first day and you’re already making friendship bracelets.

Ally: Well it’s never too early to start making memories!

-

Cass, reading a fortune cookie: If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world remains the same.

Knife, with a mouthful of take out: Kill two.

-

Jorja, excitedly: Damien, truth or dare!

Damien: Truth.

Jorja, suddenly grave: Was the moon landing of 1969 fake?

Damien: W-what?

Jorja: Answer the question, Damien.

-

Lynn: The printer messed up the invitations! It was supposed to say “Maddy’s Birthday”

Cherrie: What does it say?

Lynn: “Maddy’s Bi”

Cherrie: Well, that still works doesn’t it?

-

Me: Wow, that was amazing! Perfect aim!

Knife: what are you talking about? I missed.

-

Cinna: Only science can solve this!

Cinna: Science

Cinna: … And mustard!

-

Cherrie: sorry I’m late mum, I got lost in the ring road

Lynn: there isn’t a ring road

Cherrie: exactly, that’s why I got lost

-

Cass: if you want something bad, you’ve gotta work for it. it’s time to break out the “p” word.

Clare: Paul Blart:Mall Cop?

Cass: The other"p" word

Clare:

Clare: Paul Blart : Mall Cop 2?

-

Cherrie: I got arrested for being too cool!

Damien: Charges were dropped as there was no supporting evidence

-

Knife: She died of natural causes.

Starboy: You pushed her out a window!

Knife: Gravity is natural.

——

Damien *@ the mod squad*: I️ HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!!!

Me, just about to log off and sleep: What?

Damien: Is the Earth a Planet??!

Me: Please consult your three braincells before announcing at 3 AM that you have an important question.

—

Maddy: just tell me. It’s like ripping, THE SWORD FROM THE STONE!

Cass: That was canonically not easy

Jorja: Yes, only Arthur was able to remove the sword

Lynn: May the odds be never in our favor

Jorja: But this isn’t the sword in the anvil

Cherrie: Isn’t it the sword in the stone?

Jorja: Why don’t you read the book and still see if you need to correct me

——

Damien: But what’s wrong with calling it sticky nut juice?

Cass: Everything, every fuckin thing

——

Damien (probably): Just tried watermelon on pizza. Not gonna lie, kinda weird but I️ like it.

Knife: There he is officer, right there.

____

SUNDAY:

New Channels Added (Music Recommendations)

New Color Role- Darker Red

MONDAY:

New Channels were added ( Smosh/Non Smosh Video Rec / Positive Memes / Trigger Warning Memes)

Roles were reordered in Dyno

New Stan Roles Added (Matt Raub, Sarah Whittle, Tommy Bowe, Tim of Tim’s Channel, Monica Vasandani, Spencer Agnew, Tanner Risner, Joe Bereta and The Valleyfolk)

TUESDAY:

Deem ( @daddy-needs-his-munge ) revamped and created a more efficient system for Trigger Warnings for the mods and members to be wary of. He created a Google Form (which can be found in the “List of Trigger Warnings” Channel pinned by the @here feature!

The September Birthday Calendar was updated

WEDNESDAY:

New Channel: “tw-server-support”

SATURDAY:

Inspired by this post!

—

Damien: I do a lot of dumb stuff

Cherrie: And I witnessed the dumb stuff.

—-

Knife and Literally Anyone: fist fighting behind the counter.

Everyone else: can I get a waffle please? Can I please get a waffle??

—-

Lynn: Did you just refer to a knife as a “people opener” ?

Damien: Should I not have ?

—-

Damien: *sitting on the couch relaxing*

Cinna: *quietly walks in with a pride flag, starts eating it*

Damien: This is why Lynn doesn’t FUCKING love you !

—

tags: @daddy-needs-his-munge, @thegaygermangamer, @knifeleakjr, @whatisasmosh

Cinna and Damien: *throws phone and break skateboard*

——

Me @ my Children: wHeN wiLl yOu lEaRn? that your acTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

——

Cass: *about hurting the CDP Characters* Am I️ gonna do it? Yes. When am I️ gonna do it? Could be to- *hurts character*

Fandom: *high pitched screech*

——

Ian: I️ cheated on you

Ian: *sprays Pam on accident*

The Smosh Fandom: *Windows Error Noise*

——

These are just a couple!

cass: are you crazy? we’re not medically trained to help people.

damien: i know DDR

cherrie: wHAT?

damien: it’s what you do when people can’t breath. DDR.

lynn: it’s not DDR..

damien: yes, it is.

cinna: you can’t dance dance revolution on people’s lungs.

damien: you can try.

—

lynn: everything’s wrong. the stress of being a mother has caused me to go into a depression.

cinna: depression? isn’t that just a fancy word for being bummed out?

lynn: cinna, you ignorant slut.

—

cherrie: mom, I’m hungry.

lynn: i can make those grilled cheese sandwiches you like, with the crusts cut off?

cherrie: mom, I’m mature… I eat the crusts now.

—

damien: cass, I’m out to lunch. if the sims trapped in their bed room finally fall in love page me IMMEDIATELY. yes, I know they look like Shayne and Damien..

—

cinna: y’all don’t know about my knife shoes.

cass: ice skates..

cinna: blocked.

—

—

Damien/Cherrie: birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let’s do it, let’s go hurtling into a sliding glass door and fucking die

—

Me: *finds the most chaotic people in the chat* my children

—

Me *reblogging anything*: no proofreading we die like wo(men)

—

Random person: so who’s in charge here

Maddy *surrounded by literal chaos*: usually whoever yells the loudest

—

The fandom: before you judge me for doing something dumb keep in mind that I️ have 14% of a braincells and she’s alone in there it’s dark and scary and she’s doing her best

Knife and their 3 brain cells: can’t relate 💅

—

Damien: you call it “really bad at darts”, I️ call it freestyle acupuncture

Jorja: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave

—

Jorja: I️ want to achieve “she’s adorable and I️ will protect her at all costs but I am slightly frightened by her power”

—

Me: you have bde. Big dumbass energy

My children: thanks!

—

Cass: yesterday I️ yote my water bottle through the hallway

Me: did you just use yeet in the past tense?

—

-

Lynn: Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest it sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you’re gonna die.

Joe: My favorite is “butt dial” versus “booty call”

Cass: It’s called connotation

Maddy: Try this one on for size: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “Sorry Daddy I’ve been naughty”

Damien: Great news! Language is cancelled!

-

Me, addressing the discord: I’ve come to the conclusion that none of you fear god,

-

Knife, throwing food at ducks: Do not forget this act of altruism. If I am ever in trouble I expect you and your brethren to come to my aid. Do not forget

-

Professor: Ally!

Ally: *prepares to step forward*

Sorting Hat: HUFFLEPUFF!

Ally: But I didn’t even wear you yet!

Sorting Hat: It’s your first day and you’re already making friendship bracelets.

Ally: Well it’s never too early to start making memories!

-

Cass, reading a fortune cookie: If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world remains the same.

Knife, with a mouthful of take out: Kill two.

-

Jorja, excitedly: Damien, truth or dare!

Damien: Truth.

Jorja, suddenly grave: Was the moon landing of 1969 fake?

Damien: W-what?

Jorja: Answer the question, Damien.

-

Lynn: The printer messed up the invitations! It was supposed to say “Maddy’s Birthday”

Cherrie: What does it say?

Lynn: “Maddy’s Bi”

Cherrie: Well, that still works doesn’t it?

-

Me: Wow, that was amazing! Perfect aim!

Knife: what are you talking about? I missed.

-

Cinna: Only science can solve this!

Cinna: Science

Cinna: … And mustard!

-

Cherrie: sorry I’m late mum, I got lost in the ring road

Lynn: there isn’t a ring road

Cherrie: exactly, that’s why I got lost

-

Cass: if you want something bad, you’ve gotta work for it. it’s time to break out the “p” word.

Clare: Paul Blart:Mall Cop?

Cass: The other"p" word

Clare:

Clare: Paul Blart : Mall Cop 2?

-

Cherrie: I got arrested for being too cool!

Damien: Charges were dropped as there was no supporting evidence

-

Knife: She died of natural causes.

Starboy: You pushed her out a window!

Knife: Gravity is natural.

——

Damien *@ the mod squad*: I️ HAVE AN IMPORTANT QUESTION!!!!!

Me, just about to log off and sleep: What?

Damien: Is the Earth a Planet??!

Me: Please consult your three braincells before announcing at 3 AM that you have an important question.

—

Maddy: just tell me. It’s like ripping, THE SWORD FROM THE STONE!

Cass: That was canonically not easy

Jorja: Yes, only Arthur was able to remove the sword

Lynn: May the odds be never in our favor

Jorja: But this isn’t the sword in the anvil

Cherrie: Isn’t it the sword in the stone?

Jorja: Why don’t you read the book and still see if you need to correct me

——

Damien: But what’s wrong with calling it sticky nut juice?

Cass: Everything, every fuckin thing

——

Damien (probably): Just tried watermelon on pizza. Not gonna lie, kinda weird but I️ like it.

Knife: There he is officer, right there.

____