Lucifer: Why are you putting garlic in your pants?
Adam: So Dracula won’t try to eat my ass.
Lucifer: Why would Dracula try to eat your ass?
Adam: He won’t. The garlic - Are you even listening???
$LAYYYTER
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@incorrect-hazbin
Lucifer: Why are you putting garlic in your pants?
Adam: So Dracula won’t try to eat my ass.
Lucifer: Why would Dracula try to eat your ass?
Adam: He won’t. The garlic - Are you even listening???

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Lilith, to Adam: I have feelings for you.
Lilith: Not telling you which ones though.
Sir Pentious: Cherri just texted me back "lmao" from the other room.
Sir Pentious: I hear no laughing. No ass hitting the floor.
Sir Pentious: I've married a laugh liar.
Adam: Hello my beautiful son just wondering did you eat my ribs as they seem to have disappeared and I was so looking forward to them.
Abel: Maybe.
Adam: Fucker.
Niffty, taping a knife to a roomba and and setting it loose: Be free, my child.
Husk, entering the room with a small cut on his ankle: Who the FUCK-

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Lute: I accidentally showed weakness earlier today. It was absolutely disgusting, would not recommend it
Fic Thoughts
Not very long, but an au with sinner Adam and the exorcists becoming lion sinners
Adam: I don't think I can stay in the same house as the person who ruined my life.
Lucifer: For fuck's sake, I'll buy you more Cocoa Puffs tomorrow.
Adam: You can say “please” and “thank you” a million times and the children will never repeat it, but you say “ass-faced motherfucker” ONE TIME-
Lilith, to Lucifer: I love resting my head on your chest when you’re sleeping so I can hear your heart beat softly
Lilith, to Adam: I recorded your snoring so you can hear how fucking loud you are and why I can’t fucking sleep.

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Lute: I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed. I am Death, seeker of candy
Adam: Lute what the fuck-
Adam: Don't go in the ball pit. You'll lose your keys again.
Lucifer: [already in the ball pit] You're not gonna believe this.
Cherri: I told you I was good to drive.
Angel Dust: Babe, I drove. You sat in the passenger seat and steered with a paper plate.
Abel: What I’m saying is he made fun of me for getting Capri Suns!! And then he drank eight of my Capri Suns!!! [points to Cain who is smirking while drinking a Capri Sun]
Adam: Abel you're almost twenty and you're arguing over Capri Suns-
Abel: Look Dad, you either ground him or I fight him. So there’s two options and my fists are already up.
Angel Dust: You know what family means to me? Resentment. Guilt. Anger. Easter egg hunts that turn into knife fights.

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Vox: Shoutout to Val who killed me first in Among Us and had the AUDACITY to report the body and go “so, who killed my husband? >:(”
Adam: I hate Lucifer. I hate him so much I want to grab his stupid collar and pull him close just to glare at him. Yes that is the reason I want to do that. We are nemeses