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I do not only feel bad for my adolescant self, but for all the people who's disorder I may have encouraged by posting such stuff. I wish there was an option to completely delete everything I ever posted on here. I feel even worse because I can't bring myself to completely delete this account for some reason. I don't know if it's something still rooted deep inside me and I think I still can't comprehend how much it all traumatized me. I can find myself doing little things and slipping into these old habits from when I was active in these communities and I don't know if I will ever be able to completely erase the habits I've made during that period. Going through all the posts and the hashtags makes me sick to my stomach because of it all. I don't think there's anything scarier to me. You can say I could just not look at it and delete everything but that's the thing, no matter what I tell myself or others tell me I can't stop thinking about everything and then going on here.

I'm not trying to offend anyone or ridicule them. That's not the point. If anything, I understand why you're on here and that it's not so simple. I'm just finally typing this out to acknowledge what I went through and put it into words. No one in my life knows about it and I need to at least admit it to myself that it wasn't okay to go through that. All the people I've talked to and how much harm they've done to me and I to them. I don't know how much it'll help anyone else but fgs I beg you not to do this to yourself. You are needed and loved no matter what.