Life path unlocked. He’s a scientist now.

Playing dumb is a survival mechanism every woman u ever seen acting dumb is not actually dumb

every year during Daylight Savings I am reminded that we made up time and that we made up time poorly

I got drunk and I just want y’all to know. It is NEVER okay to like someone. Like Romantically

thanks man

This show is fucking brilliant.

did everyone else read that in his voice

Just heard a customer two aisles over go “Hey, I think this is that special glass that doesn’t shatter when you drop it” followed by the sound of shattering glass. I hate retail.

I hope you all find someone who gives you cute names and tells you it’s adorable when you do embarrassing things and hugs you when it’s early in the morning and makes you feel like you have a whole disneyland fireworks show going off inside your body and never ever lets you go 

I found her.

at this point my blood is probably 4.3% pasta sauce