Are You Leaving Me?

To be honest. All I really want right now is for a guy to hug me. But to hug me more than a friend would. I want that hug to make me start to feel whole again. I’m so fragmented right now.

Why am I catching feelings? Why does this have to happen now.... I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’m really wanting to see him again though. My heart aches. I hate the night time when I’m on my own. I’m too scared to outright ask him for his number. I’m not 100% if he is gay. I don’t know if he is single. I’m just lost in life and then this comes around. Right when I don’t need it.

There comes a point every night that I lie in bed and just feel empty. Like I have the actualisation that I’m going to be alone forever. Like who actually wants to be with me? I’m alright for a laugh at work or a night out, but that’s about it. I’m not desirable in any which shape or form. What could be amazing, is that I might be falling for someone, but he probably doesn’t even know I exist in that way. He probably doesn’t have any bit of interest in me. And I’m back at square one. Alone. In the dark. Wishing my relationship life was just so much easier. I’m just tired of feeling lonely.