Left Shoe

worry not my lord, allow me to unscrew that jar for you. i would not want for you to strain your hand or break a nail. alright. hmm. HMMMM. HNNNGRGHHHHHH. HNNGGHHHH HRRRRRGHHH. AAAAAARGHHHHHHH fucking. squire fetch me my grippy gloves

sometimes it's important to injure the character

i understand the appeal of vampires cradling you in a parody of a lover's embrace while they feed on you i absolutely get it. however ☝️ i will always insist that the person being fed on embracing, holding in place, or even pulling the vampire back in for more when they try to stop themselves is infinitely more erotic. especially if there's a hint of visible revulsion in it; an instinctual repulsion that nearly overrules any desire. even more so if either party is tormented by soul-crushing guilt and disgust with themselves in the aftermath.

yes i can appreciate the conceptual appeal of a beautiful humanoid apex predator literally pursuing you like water in the desert but i think that everyone should be more conflicted and not having a great time about it